Cry

I just wonder, being a very strong person is somehow tiring. When i have to decide whether i must cry or get angry. I would choose to get mad. That is how heartless i am. I develop that feelings and attitude until i realize,
Am i that heartless?
Why is it not okay to cry. I am human too. In fact a woman. Whom Allah give that specialty to cry to ease the burden.

Has i forgot how crying's like?

I wonder, if one day i burst in public. Would there be anyone would come to me, and tap on my shoulder, saying
"it is okay to cry. Let it all go"
Because i appear to be so strong that nobody ever seen me cry. Would they believe that i was actually crying. Not faking it?

Trust

It feels like so depressing to have nobody to share your problem. I have trust issue. I cannot simply tell anyone i have a problem. It shows that i am weak. I dont like people to see me when i am weak. But I am not perfect. I have flaws. I need a companion. I need a friend who I can share all my thoughts and problem. Have someone who I can lean on. 

I have this principle of not to tell or share my problem to anyone outside my family member. So when it comes to family problems. I have no one to talk to. This is depressing. Well, not every parent are perfect tho. As the oldest in the siblings. I have a lot of responsibility. I have many hearts to take care of. But who's gonna take care of mine? Getting back to this blog is really something. Atleast i have a medium i can express on other than twitter. As perfectionist. Looking weak is never gonna be in my dictionary. But i am human tho :'( 

I know i seem not to have any financial problem since birth. Alhamdulilah. I can treat my family whenever i want. As far as i can recall. I was a sponsored student since form 1. Up till now, ACCA. Not to brag, but i can say that i can get whatever I want, anytime. Using my own money, be it scholar money or from my part time working. So my parent always assume I never face a financial difficulties in my entire life. I rarely ask them money. In fact, i give them a portion whenever I received any. But at times, me too have problem. I still remember when i got no money left to pay my tuition fees sampai the lecturer said, if you tak bayar by this week. You cannot go to the class. And i cried at the staircase of the faculty. I swear to god. I must pass the paper so that i dont have to deal with this lecturer in the future. But I didnt tell my parent about that. Because, hey! I dont want to make them worry. I am responsible to give them. Not asking for more. Plus, i am known for my 'kedekut' traits. So people always assume that i kept my money some where else. It is really depressing. I am not born in a rich family. So this 2 month I was waiting for 'some' money to be credited to my account. The application has been approved. But it has been 2 month since the approval. I keep calling the otganization every week. And they said the money will be credited next week. And it goes on, week by week, until now. 2 months already. And every week my parent will call me asking for whether the money have been credited to my account or not. Because it is my deed to always give 10% of whatever money i received. So they were expecting it. It is kinda depresing! But who am I to menidakan the gift. They are my parent! Cuma bila didesak tu, rasa tertekan kot. It is not my fault when the org delay the payment. I was not being scolded. But the way they ask and that 'hmmm', 'kenapa tak kol hari2 tanya', 'kenapa kol bila dah ptg?'. I stress. 

I stress :'(

what would I be?

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

hi everyone :) it has been a looonnnggggg time no see huh?

final sem is giving me a very tough and complicated and anddd pressure timee -.-

I have to get myself already all the time. tking every chances, building the route to my future.

no more wrong steps.

everything must be perfect.

seeking all opportunity to build up a desireable life in the future.

10 year from now,

what would I be?

Allah please do...

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

ehem, there was so many idea what to write in here, but it all goes else where now.
the truth is, I really really dont like you!ahh, out of a sudden you're throwing these word ?
okay, crap. actually I want to practice writing in english. fully english. Allah! I've lost a lot of vocab, while my grammar was never be good -.-"

ehem ehem, story about love. again.
I was about to apply my degree programme.
I told my mum the 'he' is applying too.
and mak, out of a sudden said, "insyaAllah you both gonna fly together, atleast you got friend there"
Allah! "abang is already there right?"

hurmm, whatever it is, US will still be my dream country to further my studies! second choice will be Aussie :)

Allah, please do grant my wish :'( for the sake of islam and my parent :'(

sadden

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

hey guys! my handphone are gone :(
looking for a new phone I guess ?
ehem ehem! no daydream cik ct please ! *sedar diri kau kedekut

okay, next sadden news is,
my heaven time, free from study's burden is on 12th apr 2014,
tapii! abah just got a message stating that he got to go to vietnam on 10th apr! 4 days. works.
the question is, who's gonna fetch me at Jengkaa :(

let the time decide then :3

LOST

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

life is getting, urmm, entah ?
I just couldn't explain it. empty. lost. negativity overwhelm.

I just want the old me
the old cik ct :'(

O Allah! guide me, protect me, save me, love me. show me the way.
dear friends, do pray for me. finding the soul of cik ct :')

hi-fever

bismillahirahmanirahim, assalamualaikum :)

Allah! Allah pinjamkan sedikit kudrat ni, demam dah berapa hari tah :'(
demam rindu, puihhh~
entah angin ber-virus entah dari mana yang masuk merebak dalam badan ini sampai 2 cool-fever pun tak lut -.-" tertelan jugak 2 biji paracetamol. ehh, saya bukan takut makan ubat yea, cuma tak mahu biasakan diri dengan those drugs. abah ajak pergi clinic, tapi i tak mahu, ubat yang sama je doktor tu bg nanti, antibiotic+ubat batuk+selsema+demam. apa tak ada spesis ubat lain dah ke na bagi? saya ni demam rindu ! PUIHH lagi sekali~
baru je nak elok semalam, dapat pulak email yang mengerikan, terus demam balik -.-"
tapi ni, Allah macam bukak jalan ni, Allahu!

kerinduan teramat sangat :')

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikummm :)

tak sabar na balek KL! actually, I miss mak and abah :'(
eh, can it be atleast once apa yang  mak and abah cakap tu salah ?
they are like peramal masa depan for me :') all they said are true. I just, miss them sooo muchhh :'(
ya Allah, cepat kan masa please :'(

KK. sabah. backpack. alone.

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

lamaaaaaaaa tak update :(
hi hello everyone :)
currently in Sabah for a vacation. a week. alone. waahhhh!excited huh?

actually, I cant wait to go home :'( yesterday I called my parent and abah said
"tulahh kalau na bercuti tak payah lama-lama, 3D2N pun dah okay, ni sampai seminggu!"
hurmm, abah is like being soooo understanding. he's like knowing my current feeling without me to mention :')

souviner are all ready. pasar filipina is awesome. I bought almost all souviner there. approximately 400 flies so far :( shirts, bags, shoe, keychain, pearl broche, fridge magnet, kerepek, udang kering? hahah! udang kering ni umi pesan. dah mcm xde udang kering lagi je kat KL -.-" ehem ehem, tinggal lagi 1 prob. I didnt book a luggage for my return flight. cuak jugak ni kalau beg tak lepas naik cabin :(
so far that I remember, dah pergi kota kinabalu of course, putatan, 1 Borneo, air terjun apatah, pasar filipina! hahah, excited much sebab duit banyak disedekah kan kat sana huh? I was thinking to go to sipadan island, tapi! jauh gilaa tahu! so nvm, kundasang pun macam ermm, nvm, maybe next time :( owh!lupa cakap, I was here to visit my friend who study in UMS too :) kawan langkawi, eza and era :) so, they who brought me to everywhere here :)

till then :)

I CANT WAIT TO GO HOMEE ! hehe,,

the one less travelled by

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

and I took the one less travelled by.

ah, I just love this quote from 'the road not taken'
the poem really reflect me. what I'm currently going through.
above all, I hope that Allah always be by my side :')

yesterday, when visiting maklong, *though I dont really like them, sebab they who influence my parent to force me doing diploma. ah cerita lama usah dikenang. okay, lets continue, maklong dengan riaknya said, yana will further her degree in march since she will finish her dip this oct. and I was like -_________- speechless. selamat mak ada back up. mak said, my lect advice me to do professional after diploma, since my result is quite good. tapi paklong cakap, rugi la kalau professional terus, degree xde. nak je hati kecil ni cakap "dah memang banyak rugi pun sekarang" urghh, that's why Im telling you, maybe this is my path, my journey. I took the one less travelled by.
itu soal belajar. ini soal masa depan pulak.

I just dont know why, whenever I'm at home, I couldnt act as if I'm a teenager. I mean, I'm acting like a kid! tak matang langsung. I called my sister by nicknames, teasing them, take things not seriously, tak dapat makan, buat muka, tadi kereta abah tak dapat start, and I was the first who said, "kaklong na naik tritton cik nuar, diri kat belakang!" out of a sudden! everyone was like busy looking at our car, yet me? patutnya I pergi lah tengok2 bonet kereta tu, bajet2 makenik ke kann? ya Allah, you will have no idea if you ever seen me when I'm with my family. mesti akan terlintas dalam fikiran, "kesian budak ni terencat -.-" with my baby-face looking, my size, my height, the way I talk infront of my family. orang akan cakap I anak last -.-"

owh yes, during my first raya, balek kampung! yeay! okay takk, at rumah tok acu, there is one lady sedara mara mak juga lahh, have mistakenly thought syada is the kaklong, sara is kakngah and me?is the youngest one! darjah enam pulak dia guess tu! haa, to think of it, ini tidak bagus!dulu yes, bagus, because I can still collect duit raya from them. tapi makin tua ni, takut mak mertua tersilap meminang nanti acano?!cakap na meminang kaklong which they thought syada tu kaklong! kang dapat hadiah langkah bendul den kang! or, jalan2 raya, sedara mara spot syada dulu na di jodoh kan dengan anak memasing. owh cik ct pemikiran kau terlalu di luar kemampuan manusia normal berfikir -.-" haa! tapi betul kan cerita drama selalu macam nie?!

okay dah penat mengarut. till then :)

malam raya punya cerita

bismillahirahmanirahim and asslaamualaikum everyone!

hello hey hi!
haa, na ceritaa!
I just called abang tadi :')
kat sana still on fasting, but, probably dah berbuka lah now,
he just went back from grocery, buying some stuff to cook rendang.
"kau buat apa tu?"
"den baru balek kedai ni, beli barang2 na buat rendang"
"haa?pandai ke kau masak?"
"haa, boleh la sikit2"
"kau lepak malaysian hall lah esok?"
"takk ah, den keja esok, kat sini xdenya na cuti2 mcm kat malaysia tu"
"woah!tripple la kau dpt nie?"
"tak ahh, den buat voluntary work je nie huh,"
"owhh, btw, kuih kegemaran kau ada nie huh, umi siap masak nasi beriyani nasi tomato sbagai nie"
"eleh kau x den heran nye der, kat sini pun rasa jugak sambutan raya nya"

*okay to be truth, den yang jeles kat kau tahu! I wish I were in his shoe :'( tak pe cik ct. raya kali nie last kau ada kat malaysiaa, next year is my turnn!

then then, we went to ulu kelang, searching for lemang, and ketupat, and lontong.
since mak dont like the boiled nasi impit sebab, it is wrapped with plastics, so we prefered to buy lontong. yes, beli yea, xde masanya na mengayam bagai. #bajet keyy ell :P

and other mory is,
saya rindu abang !
eh tak, bukan bukan,
other mory is,
I'm happy!smile me smile me :)))
I got a text message from him :D haa, you make my heart melt!
thanx though :') thanx sangatt, cheering me in your own way. I know you're sweet! ahh :P
cant stop smiling lah pulakk! hahah~

okay, tukar cerita laen before me getting insane!

haa! my wish for this raya is, dear mr stomach, please enlarge now, I have to make preparation for tommorrow, all the good food are waiting for me, I just cant simply ignore them laying on the table tastefully. tadi after berbuka, makan sikit pun dah kenyang macam makan 10 ekor kerbau!cemana esok? or maybe I can skip herbalife for one day like pleaseeee :') but nayy!people are starring at mom mcm dah kurus sngt je gayanya! this is not aci! I starts consuming herbalife dulu hokeyh!hurmm,
or maybe I can get external stomach for tomoro? harharhar~

and, guess what, I'm currently mentoring abang cooking rendang!huhu :'( and so much other gossip.
abang told me that he's doing some charity work, nursing kids kat sana. age between 2-6 cmtu, and those kids sangat manja dengan dia! ahh, pentipu! he's not that mercy towards kids, WORLD HAS COME TO AN END lah jawabnya~hahahah,,
andd, much more other gossip kat facebook :(including his wish to mengumpat esok. sebab, it's our routine on every first syawal to lepak together, catch up cerita masing2 as well as mengumpat! tapi, no more this time punya raya :'(
den datang sheffield lah cmtu? harharhar #lawak hambar~

till then :')

operation and izzue islam :(

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

done with le surgery :)
the situation was like this
dr: so how was yr teeth?
me: doesnt show any better
dr: owh, okay, nvm, we'll settle this first then next week we'll arrange another appointment..
me: ermm,
*the doctor pick his scissors and clipper
me: eh KEJAP KEJAP! dr bius dulu KANNN?!
dr: hahah, yea yea, saya bius dlu, dont worry~

haaa!cuak kau!I just close my eyes throughout the operation. dalam hati berulang kali cakap, "cepat la dr nie cakap, okay dah siap!"

after awhile I feel there is something like a thread on my face, cuba bukak mata sedikit, and yes, memang benang!I'm like a piece of fabric where the the doctor is sewing me :(
tapi tak rasaa sakit even a bit!the next appointment is on friday untuk buka balik jahitan, ada empat jahitan kau!na makan pun susa :( asyik terbayang je tengah gigit2, skali tergigit benang tu and tertarik!skali habis robek the whole mouth!whoaa!scary movie kowtt!
okay enough those nightmare :( takk na makan dah sampai jahitan dibuka~ *padahal tadi dah melantak kue tiaw goreng!hahah,,

then, everytime I saw him, my heart was like pumping harder. adakah iniiiii??? -.-" okay berangan! lahai, dia sangat teramat sweeettttttt kowt!!

THISS!

wuargggggghhhhhhhhh! boleh histeria I tahu!

sekali, look at this >

 

hahahah!tak na kau post gambar yang ada bini dia!hahah~foinee,,

take a look at this,

 

haaa, yang ini kecik je!heheh, jeles punya pasal :')

happy married yea abg izzue islam :'( huhu~
*bintak maaf gambar semua google :) hahah,,

sakit mulut

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

hai hoi hey!
hahahah, okay gilaa
erm, I just got back home from kpj ampang puteri, visiting my cousin, accident :(
haila, he's a potential football player! next week he'll represent Malaysia untuk match apatahh, at USM penang. kalau menang, dia pergi UK pulak, ada match apa tahh jugak. (I'm not into football okayy :P) amin cakap, "anak jantan kalau x cium tar, bukan lelaki namanya" *in other word, lelaki wajib accident sekali seumur hidup, owh!macam tu pulak~ tp everyone says tempat tu memang keras sikit! dekat corner heading to WW, dari s/wangsa tu, dah banyak accident kawasan tu, abah cakap, atas bukit tu ada kubur sapa tahh, hahahah!memang bnyk kepercayaan nya iya~
okay, enough about the accident

lusa, I have a dentistry appointment, kena operation :(
do pray for me :)
ahh, bukan bedah beriya pun sebenarnya, takk sampai 5 minit je pun (trying to convince my heart)
ceritanya begini, I pernah tergigit bibir, I tought it was a normal punya tergigit, sekali bengkak kauu!
merata klinik dah pergi, semua cakap, this need an operation!ahhh, memang takk laaa!kau gila!kena operation, ramai doktor berkerumun, dengan nurse lagi, kena tahan ward, dekat hospital, ada bilik mayat!owhh, terima kasih sahaja yea :P I'm not going to the hospital :P nayyyy :P (hahahah!kau ingat ini operation bersalin -.-" yang sampai tido hospital lagi -.-") the last time I went to dentistry, the doctor said, yes, he need to operate that thing, tapi doint worry, sikit je," then I asked, "sakit takk?" (cliche question) "eh no laa, masa bius tu je rasa semut gigit, then you'll feel nothing" ooowwwhhh!deyy, I can bare the pain of semut gigit ;) tapi bukan kerengga la! most of all, mungkin I rasa terpujuk to do the surgery sebab that doctor was soo nice!cakap pun lembut je~ tapi bukan pondan laa~ itu lahh yang I menyampah dekat certain goverment hospital, cakap menyombong! mungkin betul lah people said, private hospital is better than government hospital. mesra alam je!

pasal sakit mulutnya is, I guess this is the reminder from Allah :(
selama ini, I cakap lepas je, my close friends know my style!kalau pergi makan memana, if the taste doesnt suit me, then, I'll directly complaint. yes, mulut tak ada insurance~ I pernah sound macik dm di uitm for the unreasonable price of their food. dah takk pepasal macik tu da aim muka I~ tapi bayangkan laa, my friend took nasi, telur and sayur which cost her rm4!haaa, amek kau, tengah sebuk2 masa lunch time tu I serang macik tu depan orang ramai!!hahaha*devil laugh~ that macik wants to return rm1 to me, tapi I cakap, tak pe la macik, saya x kesah pun seringgit tu, cumanya saya na tanya, kenapa mahal sangat, dia cakap sebab naci banyak, haii, nasi pun rm2, pakai beras apa?mak saya pakai beras basmathi tu pun x semahal tu!banyak kali I ulang tanya pakai beras apa kauu!geram gilaa!

another recent issue, tadi, after visiting my cousin, we hadour dinner at a restaurant. masa na bayar tu, ada chinese memotong que. haihh, memang kenaa la~ selamba je dia tahu, yang I pulak, x memandang dah boyfie dia kat belakang I, kalau dah na kena pompuan nie mmg peduli la kau bawak bodyguard ke polis ke hatta ketua samseng sekali pun! because I'm at the right side, right?hahah~

ada sekali tu tengah2 shopping, berselisih dengan ada malay girl yang memakai pakaian tidak cukup kain, I dare to say she's poor, kalau kaya, mesti banyak duit na beli kain menutup badan kann?heheh,, dengan selambanya, I said to my sister "adik kalau na beli baju make sure kain dia cukup tau" pernah jugak I said, "kaklong rasa nak bukak je tudung kaklong nie sedekah dekat prempuan yang x cukup kain tu" yes, I cakap depan2 orang tu. cakap belakang tak baik kann?hee :P

jadi, I guess, sakit mulut yang takk baik2 ni sebab laser sangatt kowt O.o kena buatan orang ke? hailaa!nauzubillah!

kekedutan atau kekedekutan?

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

it has been awhile since my last updates, well, it's holiday dude!
I dont have much time to spend here, updating some crap :P
*okay, kalau dekat uitm I have alot of time to waste,heheh :P

okay, my post today is about my habit which is, I dont like to spend money,
the title should be kekedekutan, but, when you pronounce it quicker, it sounds like "kekedutan"

okay, enough about the title,

erm, since I;m so eager to start my new semester on 10th may, I've listed some things for the preparation, ceritanya, lagi about 3 months, I'll be going 20th, so no more 'teen' years. jadi, I bercita2 lah kononnya want to lose some weight. kononnya lahh kann -___-
so, I've made a schedule that MUST be followed in order to reach the target!
I think this is most suitable meals for me,

breakfast : anlene + oat + raisin + dates (okay, breakfast is the most important meal before I start my day!harapnya I dont skip the breakfast *actualy I never skip a glass of milk before going to class pun :) cuma kali ini, it has oat added, nak kuruskan :P )
lunch : no need! I want to spend time for a nap. well, someone told me, a nap in the afternoon gives you energy to do some works at evening sebenarnya, no lunch means save moneys :P *see? kedekutan pertama -.-"
dinner : any masakan yang macik dm tu da masak, ambil 1 senduk sahaja! make sure the price dont exceed rm1! fried rice is much prefered, because we're malaysian, cant be saperated from our ruji. lagi 1, ianya mengenyangkan :)
supper : okay, as for this, people said, a cup of hot chocolate boleh membantu membuatkan mata mengantuk, jadi, in order to sleep tight, milo + anlene + oat will do :) oat tu kira memang kena makan pagi and malam, WAJIB. so, milo to replace chocolate, anlene for bones while aot for not feeling starving! heheh,,
okay, itu dari segi makanan. done.
*owh okay, lupa! the reward. you can go to pasar rabu to spend utmost rm5 there :) pasar sabtu tak boleh sebab ada transportation charge lagi!hehe..

sebenarnya kann,
I've calculated the budget for the fifth semester, and I have about 1.4k left after deducting the fees, and other expenses. tapi tak tolak duit buku and top up lagi laa. so let say, that will cost me the balance 400. so, I think, I want to save 300 into my RHB sebab entahla kenapa, I tak boleh tengok any of my account yang balance dia zero -.-" tapi actually, I have another acount yang balance dia zero jugak which is maybank, tapi, if I want to keep the money in maybank, I have to atleast save 500 there. kalau tak nanti balance dia takk cantik -___- yes. number plays the biggest role in my life -.-" mak cakap "kaklong nie kalau nanti gaji dia rm8033, yang rm33 tu je boleh buat belanja, kalau keluar lebih2 nanti nombor dye x cantik dalam bank tu" yes, indeed mom -_____-" even now, i've seen the tanda-tanda :O huhu,,jadinya, I dont know how to divide the money equally so that semua account I mendapat kasih sayang yang sama rata -.-" harharhar~

owh yes, I planned to buy a crocs before balek kampus ni, tapi, tak jadi kowt. sebab sayang na keluarkan duit yang dah cantik nombornya dlm akaun tu -.-"
I figured out something about me now, I jenis yang akan kumpul duit to buy something, but in the end, bila duit tu dah cukup, I rasa sayang na spend the money which ended up just keep the money rather than buying the things which the money been collected for. sadis kan hidup -_______-
susahnya lah jadi orang yang kedekut -.-"
I pernah merayau 1 KL masa bulan puasa semata-mata na compare harga sehelai tudung yang mana offers the lowest price with the same quality. last2 nya, tak jadi beli jugak sebab harga tudung tu rm25, tp akak tu bg less to rm18, tapi I mintak rm15, kalau x, I dont want to buy. mmg takk la harga tudung 25, na bg 15 kann?hahahah!last2nya x beli jugak. hari tu, I went to jalan TAR lagi, going to the same shop. harga tudung tu was actually 20! tapi that akak bagi less to 18, owhh!so, my advice is, janganlah buat preparation raya masa ramadhan. all the price will be marked up gilaa la!

jadi, itulah kisahnya kekedekutan saya -_____-

"bomoh-bomohkan"

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

the moment when you dont know what you want
-______________________________-"
then, seek guidance from Allah :')

hurm, sekarang nie kann,
I read a novel, again~
walaupun not-so-me
the boredeness is killing me though~
hurmm,
the sentences in the novel really, really remind me of somebody,
ahh!I should stick with my egotism :S
despite how much I really want to text you, hurmm,
I just wonder, is it possible dia dah "bomoh2" kan ain ?
ahh, typical me -.-"
tapi, iya lahh kn, my friend who introduce him to me cakap,
he's so-called-ustaz la konon,
so the probability he would "bomoh2kan" tu ada -.-"
hurmm,
I shouldn't feel this when I've actually rejected him :S
lagi pun, he dont know my fullname, macam mana dye na "bomoh2kan"
kann?

hurmm, idk,
sometimes, I pray to Allah, I want this, like, I really, really want it,
tapi, at the moment, I ask myself, why should I have it?
I pun tak faham, I keep on praying to have something, tapi, I pun tak tahu sebenarnya kenapa I perlukan itu semua, hurmm~

*owh, well, word "bomoh2kan" is actually praying to Allah to closer our heart

cooking isn't that hard :)

bismillahirahmanirahim and asslamualaikum :)

okay, I found this picture on facebook,
hahah, lawak,
it's always been like this when I'm in the kitchen -.-"
tak tak, basically when frying something, especially fish!
not only that,
I have my own sheild kalau na tumbuk cili dalam mortar,
takut kalau biji cili tu terpelanting dalam mata :D
hahah, it's kinda funny to have that such sheild when cooking,
but who cares right? as long I've cook the most delicious dish in the world!ahah,,

owh yes, to think of it, I dont really pro in cooking, I only cook things that I like to eat,
and usualy, I have a, erm, boleh la dikatakan, bajet western kann, erm, I'm more into western food la,
tapi, as you know, western food are like bit expensive kalau na mentekedarah hari2,
so, I've made up a decision, that is to learn how to bake it ;)
lagi worth it la jugak,
sebab, I can choose halal ingredient of course :)
you can't be very sure of their halal-ness when you're eating food which originally from europe right?
so, that's why I love to bake dish that I like to eat :)
sekarang nie, I'm craving for blueberry cheese cake at SR, tapi, since I've knew how to bake it, rasa rugi lah if I go to SR, and pay more than rm7, just for a slice of it :(

eh, kadang2 kan, bila kita masak, and serve the dish to people, kita akan rasa gembira and, kenyang. x makan pun lagi, tapi dah rasa kenyang, seeing those happy faces eating pun dah buatkan kita rasa kenyang tauu :)

ah yes, this is a wise advise from my master chef,
"makanan tu kita yang masak dia, bukan dia yang masak kita,
so, buat la macam mana pun as we desire, as long as it tastes better-(mak,2008)
jadi, to those who thinks cooking is complicated, back to this principle :)

nahh! mengiurkan gilaa kan :P

someday :')

bismillahiramanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

I feel sooo baddddd :(
kononnya mahu berubah, solat awal waktu, tak mahu tidur siang, tapiiiii :'(
ahh!shameless me talking shit :'(
it's already 0130, I'm not sleepy yet,
mana tak nya subuh gajah (talk to myself -___- )
hurmm,
I read a novel today, yes, basically, not so me lah kan, layan novel :O
tapi I like farihah iskandar's writing
dear yayah series :)
owh yes, hlovet the new series is already released !
gotta move my ass to MPH real soon,
once my pocket filled up lahh kan -___-"

and, that eager feeling to further study in overseas burst again :(
how I wish I have the experiance studying abroad :')
hurmm,
everytime I tell him the wish, he would always said, "someday cik ct, somedayy"
deyy, I wish I know when is it the 'someday'
ya Allah, betapa aku ni lemah sangat iman, I always questioning your qada' and qadar :'( shameless me :(

maybe this will do :')

 

semalam, I chat with abang, though he just wanna make me jelly of his new tab, bought in UK lahh kan, abang, that kinda gadget wont make me jelly lahh :P
he said, he wants to visit italy during summer break, hurmm :'(
itu pun I tak jeles jugak, what makes me jealous the most is,
I still cant accept the fact that he's already in UK :'(
while noob me, still in Malaysia tanah tumpahnya darahku,
you got me already abang! hurmm, no need to impres me with your new gadget or what so ever new things you buy just to make me jealous :'(

ya Allah, make me strong enough to bear the test ya Allah,
though I know, "apa yang baik padaku mungkin tidak baik bagi Allah"
ahh!I lupa ayat quran mana yang cakap ayat nie :'(
I have to be patient :')

anak di hutan disusukan, kera di rumah mati kelaparan

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

hi everybodyyyy :D
I'm kinda bored here,
x dapat kerja lagi,
jadinya, I plan to do some revision for my account :O
ahah! weirdo cik ct -.-"

tak tak, I've just finished unpack all the things from my luggage,
yes, it's already thursday, dah almost a week in KL, I pemalas yea,hahah!
next agenda is going to celcom center to temporarily terminate bb line, sebab, I'm not gonna use it at home, rugi je la bayar kan, sadly, duit tambang lrt pun i xde sekarang ! betapa pokainya -.-"
abah cakap, he's not gonna send me there because, jalan na pergi sana sesak,dia malas!
faham tak he rather pay monthly bill dari hantar I pergi sana to terminate the line ? huhh~
nvm abah, I'll go by myself!huhhh~ dari abah bayar kat celcom tu, baik abah bagi duit tu kak kaklong,,hurmm..I wish he could read this~

next list-to-do is,
MOVIE MARATHON :D
what a life should be :)

and, out of a sudden,
teringat kat result yang bakal keluar :S
hurmm,
terus lost mood :(

till then~

ending of SEM 4 :(

bismilahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

and I hereby, proudly announce that,
SEM BREAK STARTS NOWWWW :D
ahh, finally, I can get rid of these crapiness, bulshitness, and all the negativity.
rasa na menangiss :'(

ahh, okay, I finally homie :D
goooddddd to be home !

okay, na cerita nie,
on thursday, the day before account paper,
we studied together,
I feel bad for not helping fatin though, she ask me to teach her account, but, I put so many excuse, that she might think, I dont want to help her, but, truly, I'm not..
I seriously love to teach my friend, helping them in academic, but there will be so much rules they have to follow, such as, I dont want to study with people that I'm not used to. tapi dia, she wanted to invite ida, it's not that I'm not used to ida, cuma, I cant study with someone I cant be with. owh, sila la faham -.-" well, if you want to study, surely u have someone you comfortable with kan? so do I :)
and I cant study with ida.
okayy,
on thursday, me, ilaa and bella, studied together. while mat and faizul havent arrived yet, they have MAF in the morning and will be joining us in the afternoon..
ceritanya begini,
I ask bella to teach me cashflow, but she said, she dont really master in that topic, so, we make up a decision that is to invite the bigg boss to guide us :)
I called madam if she is available during that time to guide us in answering the question.
alhamdullilah, madam free :)
she's willing to come to the library and meet us :)
pastu, sedihnyaa,
my classmate, I mean the girls,
are like, being x puas hati, sebab, I didnt invite them along when madam comes to our discussion room,walhal, they are in the same library too.
girl, it's not that I dont want to invite you, cant you see that the room is too 'big' to have all of you in the same time ?
bilik tu masuk 4 orang pun dah penuh !
ada yang cakap, I penting kan diri sendiri,na pandai sorang2 :'(
manaa adaaaa :'''''( well, if you want to know, I invite madam to come is not a plan, I call her by chance!
and, as if I really selfish, I tak buat kelas tambahan on friday tu tahu :'(
I yang minta madam buat kelas tambahan on friday tu, so that, korunk semua boleh tanya any kecelaruan before sit for the exam.
bukan madam yang tanya i whether kita na buat kelas atau tidak, I yang mintaa :'( i na kita semua jumpa madam for the last time before sit for the paper. get the bless from her, apologizing for any mistakes semua bagai. I try to be a good leader though :'( I'm not neglecting you guys pun :'(
if, I nie selfish, I x buat kelas tambahan tu tahu, I pergi je sorang2 kat bilik madam, belajar dengan madam, ambik semua tips before exam from her, and x spread to all of you :'( tapi, tidak, I buat kelas tambahan tu, I ajak semua datang, maybe madam have tips in answering the question ke kann,,
I tried to be a good leader :') tapi, apa yang I buat, orang salah erti kann :'( as if I selfish, I tak pergi turun naik HEA just to book the class on friday. I book je bilik kat library tu, senang. after the class, I can continue study in the library. tapi takk, I pergi HEA, tanya orang tu if there's any class is free at blok J during 10-12 on friday. sebab apa? sebab I tak na korunk semua jalan jauh dari hostel! blok J paling dekat I guess. padahal HEA tu cakap, blok IST banyak kosong. but i insist to get a class at block J jugak. I x buat kat library sebab, perempuan have to wear baju kurung. I dont want to bother you guys to wear baju kurung when it's just an extra class. I tried to be a good leader though :'(
well, since PRU13 is just around the corner, I'd like to speak about leadership.
It's hard to be a leader actually :(
kalau kau fikir pasal pangkat dan kedudukan, senang.
tapi,
kalau kau fikir pasal tanggungjawab, nescaya kau tak akan sanggup jadi ketua sebenarnya :'(
dalam quran pun dah cakap, seorang ketua nie, sebelah kaki dia dah masuk neraka, kalau dia tidak adil, maka terheretlah sebelah lagi kaki dia ke dalam neraka :'(
and,I try not to be one :'( tapi, since I dah ter jadi, I try to be fair to all :| still, people x puas hati dengan I :'( sedih tahuu :'( dengan klazmate boycott i, roomate pun sama, it's not a good ending of sem 4 actually :'(
cant wait to enter sem 5. new roomates. new spirit. new everything.
I'll be with EC's student next sem :)
trying to be far away from account student. I need to be alone. yes, for the entire sem. isolation suit me the most :') and, I like to be isolated from the people that I know :') sebab, I tak suka apa yang i buat orang lain tahu. I dont like to be in the center. biarlah I yang mengundur diri :'( ahh!buat cerita sedih! tapi, it's true what! pointer I okay when I dont stay with account student. sebab mereka tak kesah apa yang I buat. ini, kalau dengan student account, I bukak buku sikit, mula lah na perli, "ain study" menyampah! weyh, I'm not coming to UiTM to find a husband lahh, I datang uitm sebab na belajar -.-"
atas dasar kesedihan, I went to my senior's room. overnight at her room. tapi dia keluar,hang out with her friend, so, her room is mine ! I like the environment :) silent. away from people. blessed.
trying to forget all the sadness being rejected by my own friends :'(
kamis malam tu, as usual, me and ilaa went to the library. then, mat and faizul came. with shahmi and zarif! masa they enter the room, me and ilaa was like unnerved. weird. x pernah2 seumur hidup i bercakap dengan shahmi and zarif tahu ! that night we studied together! ahh, pengalaman yang sangat aneh sem ini.
pastu, library tutup ( I wish library tu tak tutup sepanjang week exam) so, we went back hostel.
balek2 je, ida terus keluar bilik, ajak tiqah study sama at Ty's room. masa tu, I dont mind, sebab, I tak tahu lagi ida terasa dengan i sebab i tak ajak dia study sama when madam datang libary petang tadi. eyan pun keluar bilik, pergi study di bilik jiran. me, alone in the room. suka. i turn the fan to speed 5, open the window, shut the door, sejuk ! angin luar menyelinap masuk ke dalam bilik (ahh, typical ayat novel) tetiba amy datang, crying like a baby, she said, no one want to help her in account. everybody is like condemning her for not knowing the simplest rule in account. masa tu, I tengah study FRS pulak -.-" ahh, suit time betul la kann, tapi, xpe. selagi I boleh tolong, I tolong yea. so I let her know everything that I know regarding published account :) though I'm not that good in that topic -.-" carrymark pun macam hape je ! pastu, she told me about all the classmate is like avoiding me sebab case x ajak mereka study sama tu lahh! :'( glad to speak to someone. atleast there is someone who know the real situation of me :') yes, someone. cukuplah satu :')

how I wish they know the real story too. tapi xpe laa, I malas, I just want to focus in this last paper which is account. I really hope that I can do the best! tak sabar na habezkan paper akaun and go back to KL. forget everything in jengka. I told amy, since amy is my ex-romate when I was in part 3, amy pernah nampak I jual kupon I, which she tought I dah tak mahu duduk kolej lagi sem4 or I mohon fast track, yes, indeed amy, I memang mohon fast track. sebab tu I have the gut to sell some of my coupon.. glad that I'm not selling them all, sekali fast track xde :| I tell her why I apply the programme is that, I bosan dengan typical people in jengka. I love the enviroment, but not the people. and that makes us cry together. dia dengan masalah dia, I dengan kekecewaan I :'(
sedih kan hidup I sem 4 nie?

dah lah I lose hope gilaa in academic, people surrounding me pulak being like soo not supportive when actually I need them the most :'( sem nie I banyak kol ezaa. I feel like she's the only one who understand me. and, if you scroll to all my entry this sem, banyak yang I write about sadness :( I sesungguhnya tak bahagia sepanjang sem ini :'(
SEMUA SALAH UITM!hahah~ I'm not gonna blame myself for not living my life to the fullest :p
jadi, now, I'm KLian :DDDDD
I want to look for a job :)
insyaAllah :)
cuti ini na relax, kuruskan badan mungkin, cari kerja itu pasti. nampak x berbezaannya?heheh :P
so, till then :)

never, never, never give up !

this picture inspire me to keep striving, regardless how painful it is :')