What if

Oh, there is so many uncertainty in this world. Yeah. What if, one day you received a text msg saying,

Hi babe, you cant be clingy like this anymore. I am going to be someone's husband. You gotta try to be independent. Find your soalmate. I cant always be by your side like we used to be...

And it is too late for you to express your true feeling towards him 😌

you heart! watch out!

nazar yang memakan diri

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

I'm in bigg trouble !
okay, the truth is,me myself who dig my own grave on the first place -_____-"

okay, in islam, we have a sort of promise, so-called nazar. which means, a promise to Allah,
once He had grant your wish, then you have to fulfil your promise towards Him,
okay, what is it called 'nazar yang memakan diri', is that, I mati-mati tak percaya I will get it, so, I made a nazar, sebab, I'm tired, tired of getting the same result no matter how much my effort was. terukkannn :(
begini,
I was definitely sure that, I will never get an A for my account paper,
sebab, I had once get high carrymarks, but in the end, the result wont make any different.
still, I got B for my account paper. so, I was like giving up -_-"

when I was in first semester,I got the lowest carrymark for that subject. praise to Allah ! it doesnt make me weak :) alhamdulillah,miracle happen. I manage to get A- in the end. masa tu terkejut gilaa! I must have gotten fullmark for my finals ! hehe..

when I was in second semester, I got a high carrymarks, but, pathetically, the final paper wasnt that easy for me. mungkin sebab I was too confident that I will get an A for my final, sebab dulu carrymark pun the lowest, still boleh dapat A, apatah lagi kalau carrymark tinggi kann? the paranoia me~ sekali takk :'( the same thing goes when I was in 3rd semester, I like the subject, I'm energatic, confident and positive. sebab I want to pursue fast track. tapi, walau sekuat mana I usaha, seems like account isnt for me :'( I got B+ for that subject.

hence, so, jadi, I was like giving up. dengan riak takbur sombongnya, I bernazar, if ever I got an A, alteast A- lahh let say kann, I will treat anybody who involves in the making of 'that A' . sebab, I was pretty sure I will definitely never get A ! never !

sekali, the reveal day comes! (dah macam clean house da -.-) okayy, I opened up my email, and., here we go :) I got A- for my account paper!yeayyy nayyy -.-" told someone about the result, and got back the reminder, how about yr nazar cik ct? -.-" okay okay, how am I suppose to do meyh :(

okayy, lets just fulfil it right :)

cumaa, erm, I dont know how -_____- sebab, ramaiii kowttt!hahah~

okayy,lagi mory nyaa,
I used to get closed with somebody, a guy obviously.
and, everything seems so easy that time, cuma, there was a mistake that I would never expect it to be this serious until we became a stranger to each other.
as time flies, our life goes on, pretending that it wont give any impact to my life. despite how much I still want the old him. I heard he's now a succeeded man :) alhamdullilah, you get your life back when we were apart. and I, declining the stairs of victory, it seems like, you dont need me to succeed, but I do. kann? lame me talking nonsense :') entah macam mana, tiba-tiba, we get back together, and, during that time, I was about to leave. seeing your achievements make me envy you the most. and, it's better for me to leave. I tried so much to create the most meaningful memory during my last time being there. so, when I leave, I have something to reminisce for. I think that, the best solution for us is, to be far apart from each other.. and, for me, I believe, there is something huge waiting for me out there. okayy cukup. and guess what, as we be friend again, he lost focus. and I think, I'm the factor :/ we should never be together I guess :/ despite how much I still need you as my friend because, I see me inside you~ cuma, I dont want you to keep failing :/ *******

"bomoh-bomohkan"

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

the moment when you dont know what you want
-______________________________-"
then, seek guidance from Allah :')

hurm, sekarang nie kann,
I read a novel, again~
walaupun not-so-me
the boredeness is killing me though~
hurmm,
the sentences in the novel really, really remind me of somebody,
ahh!I should stick with my egotism :S
despite how much I really want to text you, hurmm,
I just wonder, is it possible dia dah "bomoh2" kan ain ?
ahh, typical me -.-"
tapi, iya lahh kn, my friend who introduce him to me cakap,
he's so-called-ustaz la konon,
so the probability he would "bomoh2kan" tu ada -.-"
hurmm,
I shouldn't feel this when I've actually rejected him :S
lagi pun, he dont know my fullname, macam mana dye na "bomoh2kan"
kann?

hurmm, idk,
sometimes, I pray to Allah, I want this, like, I really, really want it,
tapi, at the moment, I ask myself, why should I have it?
I pun tak faham, I keep on praying to have something, tapi, I pun tak tahu sebenarnya kenapa I perlukan itu semua, hurmm~

*owh, well, word "bomoh2kan" is actually praying to Allah to closer our heart

broken hearted girl :')

bsmilahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

I dont know why am I keep posting in this blog
stress I guess :|
well, I'm ready to be broken hearted girl :')
ahh!cliche~
dah, I've had enough
enough of all your fools
yes, indeed, I feel stronger when I'm with you, but,
deep inside, Im asking myself, how long can it be?
I even get jealous when you're with someone else.
yes, I know, you're not even mine,
and, that's why, I do feel like, I have to step back
before I madly in love with you :)
thank you for all your good deed towards me all these while
I'm keeping it in my own memory which I hope, someday, I'll hit the rock and all of it will banish :')
ahh! I dont know why, just give me a reason by P!nk really suit my feeling now :(
nahh, the intro part,

"right from the start you're a thief
you stole my heart,
and I, your willing victim"

andd,

"just give a reason,
just a little bit enough,
just a second
we're not broken
just bent,
till we can learn to love again :'(

andd,

sorry I dont understand,
where're all is this coming from,
I thought, that we're fine"

yes, I thought that we're fine :')
I thought :')
ahh!
how I wish it didnt start in the first place
how I wish I can really hate you when we're fighting, that we'll never get back together
how I wish I can persuade my heart not to even care about you
how I wish that you'll get outta my mind right now!
ahh!
I'm weak to encounter the feeling,
dear cik ct, he's not the one!you hate him right?
but, how the heck is my heart still insist to be with him ?
you stubborn cik ct!

stop

bismilahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

have you ever set your mind to stop on something you've been working for over a years?or perhaps, in your entire life?
and, the moment when you've given up, that thing came to you without you're asking for?
okayy mengarut,,
I dah set my mind to stop looking for him, but then, a few second later, he came across :(
dude, I dont want to see yor face lahh!
cop!he is in my mind -.-" I set my mind to think of him -_____-"
ya Allah. the better I know him, the more annoy i feel..
entah laa,
I feel like Allah is giving me the sign that he's not the one, but, I, me, myself keep praying that he would be mine again :(
am I trying to deny the fate?
hurmm~

never a regret

bismilahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :')

I never had a friend who always remind me of Allah :')
ya Allah, please protect them, help them in everything they do :')
knowing them is the best part of my life here :')
I just dont know if I can stand this strong next sem :|
Im gonna miss them badly,,
ya Allah, if only i have a chance to meet them early,,
if only I had a chance to have them longer than this :|
it would be much appreciated :')

first ever senior that i knew in uitm is,
kak nina,
she never allow us to call her akak,
yeah, it's bit annoying at first, dah tua tu x na di panggil akak pulak,
tapi, as the friendship grew stronger,
I can accept the fact that, lahh, tua bbrp bulan je pun, no wonder la she dont want us to call her kakak :P
but, sometimes, I ter panggil dia kakak jugak,
as sense of respect :')
she's awesome!
she would always help me regarding uitm system..
seriously, even I'm asking about silly question!
she would always have the answer,she never fail to reply any of my message :')
she's the one whi introduce eqps to me, how to renew borrowed books from library, PEERS, be my information counter in every semester..seriously, I know nothing about those system if she isnt there to help :')
i can still remember when i ask her, how excel lab test is gonna be, then, she replied,
"nanty dia bg kte soklan, pstu kte jwb laa"
lawakk kann?
then i replied,
"jwpn tu siesly lawakk -.-" mmg la nnty dye bg kte soklan, pstu kte jwb, x perna pulak dye bg jwpn, kte tnye soklan -.-" "
ya Allah, please ease her way :') I'm surely gonna miss her next sem :'(

then, Allah made me to meet this one akak,
kak rahmah :)
ilaa introduce her to me,
we went for usrah,
masa first time jumpa tu, I ask her aloottt of question regarding Islam, yes, like im new sister in islam pulak -.-" tapii, what impres me is, she would always have the answer to get me back to islam..
she made me clear about islam, well, I found the beauty of Islam after meeting her. islam has the answer on every of my silly stupidos questionss :')
the way she talk is just too nice that i melted :*
I would always make myself free whenever she invite me to meet up :')
sebab, she's kinda busy,,so, any of her free time is precious for me.
I have to make myself free even if im busy..
well,she's part6 from science programme..
ive seen how busy science's student are,
they got atleast 9 paper every sem, and, their daily routine is doing lab report that would never finished until they grad :| glad that ive left the science world :)

thenn,
I met kak ayu :')
akak nie lagi buat my heart melt!
the way she talks is just tooo sweettttt!
mula2 tu I was like malas na berkenalan dengan akak baru,
enough of having kak rahmah seorang, I dont need any elses,,
tapi, as time flies, i opened my heart for her, mana tahu, she is as great as kak rahmah,
yess, indeed :')
the way she talks is just too soft and nice..
eventhough we're meeting only a couple of times, tapi, I never regret any of the meetings
she tought me the value of life :') never underestimes people :')
i can still remember the night before muet, I met her. for the first time.officially :')
I was too stress of all the problems,and, what a relief feeling after meeting her :*
we talked about many things :')
precious~

andd,lastly, the most important person that i would never ever regret of knowing her is,
EZAA :')
i've never got a friend who as concern as you!
ahh kau ezaa!dont be that nice to me lahh!
it made me crying even worst!
i just cant forget how we used to spend time together back in mrsm langkawee :')
i can still remember,u helped me searching for my slipper, while i just sit there and cry like a lil kid losing her mom at the mall :'D
ingat lagi, when i was too lazy to climb the stairs at night that i spent the whole night at your room..
and you would always welcomed me :')
i can still remember, you saw a mole on my tapak kaki,and what a suprise that you got it one too..cuma, i kat tapak kaki kanan, you kat tapak kaki kiri, at the same spot! well, i guess, that made us complete :P hahah, gayy -.-"
eh, whenever i stare at my tapak kaki, seeing the tahi lalat, it would automatically remind me of you :)
hahah!pandang tapak kaki teringat ezaa -,-"
ingat lagi when we used to go to dewan selera late whenever they are serving nasi lemak..sebab hoping that we can get extra nasi lemak!hahah,,ahh yes!you dont eat mee goreng!pernah muntah beriya sebab i paksa u try to eat mee -.-" still rasa bersalah nie -____-"
ahhh ! i miss you lahh !hurmm~

ya Allah, please protect them from any harm..make ease of their way.. may our friendship till jannah :')
#ehh, konon tak na online dahh, nak final konon, tapi, keep updating entry jugak~well, gen y can hardly apart from internet -.-" cant deny it~

mom, study week, him

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

alhamdullilah :) it's friday :)
I'm still alive :)

okay, i dont have any idea to write,erm, lets see what interest you the most, ermm,
guys?mom?STUDY WEEK?
okay, lets start with mom,
heheh,
I dont know how my life gonna be if ever god take her :')
she's like my diary bergerak :')
always there to hear the problems, sharing gossips, giving advise infact being my consultant in every thing i did :')
ya Allah, you may take everything from me, but not her :') my life gonna be misrable without her. love her the way she loves me from the day i were born till today :')

then, study week starts today!
hurm, feeling nervous!
well, we only have 4 finals paper!
account, computerised account, cost accounting and economics,
seen it?
3 account related paper -_____-"
im gonna be dead meat :s
paling cuak of course, FAR 250!
i wise friend said to me,
kalau dulu kau x score account paper, you may say i didnt have account basic back in spm, but now,
since we're learning new account sylibus, which spm student didnt learn as well, kalau kau x score jugak, dont blame for the basics, kau tu yang memang x pandai akaun actually!erk~
okay, indeed~
so, i have to really struggle!seriously i cuak, mentor and sifu cant help much since sifu said, he's totally lost in this semester, he cant catch up in every subjects too. mentor pulak, "ty  pun macam blur2 far kali nie, i cant help you since i cant help myself neither" :'(
okayy, the moment when even the top scorer cant understand the subject -___-"
sigh~
dear cik ct!wake up wake up!you have to help yourself!dont depend on others~
okay, too bad to mention, sem ini i banyak depend on others. i just dont know why :'(
im no more independent cik ct :(
hurmm...
eh, boringg right??lets jump to more interesting gossips!heheh,,
eh, before that, NAI and sara are flying to japan today :'( good luck and have a safe journey :')
*wondering when do my time comes*

next gossip,
entahla, i think i've moved onnn :)
i think im wayyy too good to fit you!ahahah~
what makes you guys different is, you're too social. i cant stand with you, ingat takk dulu i once compare the two of you,,not much differences, both brilliant, have vision and superb. tapi what makes you lil bit behind is that, dia got religion :) eh, bukan na cakap u tak ada agama, tapi, your way of life is like bit far from islam. itu makes me look up at dia. yes, dia. no more you :') but, whatever it is, im still glad to know you :) you're so much things i ever had. and i never regret those precious moment being with you :) it is just that, let us remain friend forever :')
ya Allah, perhaps, i can forget him is because of dia.glupp~
i know You are the best planner, but if I have the right to choose, I would like to have him ya Allah :')
please make my wish come true :* eh~
kbai~

Allah sngt sweet :*

bismilahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

feeling blessed :) alhamdullilah,
despite the hardship sitting for muet this morning :')
Allah still gives me strength to hold onto, to standstil in this pressure :")
ya Allah, why are You so sweet :') I've done too many sins, but then, you still help me in my daily life,,
tadi,
i was just too stress for nothing, the cause are still blured, sleeping still cant reduce the stressness though,
so, after performing maghrib, I decided to randomly open the holy quran. just to know what are the cause of these stressness.
well, I bumped into surah an-biya' ayat 82-101,
"hurmm, so, lets read what's Allah trying to convey to me thru all these hardship"
then, I read the translation since I'm not born in arab society to easily understand the meaning of those holy words kann,
then, came across ayat 89, eh?
the meaning is familiar to me, I've heard someone advice me to practise reciting the words as du'a..
here's the meaning,

"And (remember) Zakariya (Zachariah), when he cried to his Lord: "O My Lord! Leave me not single (childless), though You are the Best of the inheritors."

yes, recite this verse :) one of this sistah told me,,
and, I feel like,
huh?dah kenapa Allah gerak kan hati nie na terbukak sura anbiya, and baca pulak ayat nie? =,="
i thought I was just stress because of MUET, rupanya, Allah knows more than I do. I stress the most because of men =,=" and, yes, I admit it -_____-"
yet, after reciting those ayat, I feel blessed :')
Allah sangat sweet kat saya hoiii!hahah,sungguh takk matang~
I smiled, my heart melted, I fall in love with Allah :')

so, the point here is to say that, whenever you feel like giving up, back to basic, leave everything to Allah, talk to Him thru du'a, and, get the reply from quran. Allah have put all the answer in it. trust me. it helps me in most of my difficult times :')

and that's why Im asking you to hold on to these words, believe in what Allah says :')

 

 

#actually, I tenga pakai mask sekarang, and that moment when your roomates tease you, but you cant even smile, afraid that it might wrinkle your face~ =,=" pasang mp3 kuat2, ignore those teasing la jawabnya~huhu,,

shameless me

bismilahirahmanirahim and assamalualaikum :)

I cant wait to post this,
i rarely switch on my lappy just to write in this blog..
actually, I want to share some of my experiance,

have you ever ask god, why you dont get what you want?
yeah, me too, I always dream for something bigg..
well. it's my principle to always aim for the sky..
and, sometime, I feel like giving up when the victory is still far from me no matter how hard I tried..
and, that's the moment when I starts questioning why is it Allah do that to me :(
yes, shameless me :'(
I'm ungreatful servant of Him~
I always blame others for my lose
hurmm~

tadi kann, my adopted sister, text me,
she said, something like this,
laziness is the most killer disease in our heart, beat that or it will bite you,never ever give up yeah!
then, I replied, I never feel lazy to improve my performance, it;s just that, sometimes, I get tired of chasing something that is uncertain.
then, she replied, bnyak jugak, tapi, the most touched words is,
 "ALLAH SAYANGKAN ADIK TU, that's why He tested you, meaning He didnt forget you"
my godd :')
Allah never forget me?

yaAllah, I dont have idea how much I've been neglecting You, yet, You never forget me :')
how sweet You are :')

to think of it, there're actually millions of gift from You.
it's just that, I dont really approciate those gifts. I keep doubting myself as if You dont want me to success :'( yes, poor me for having that kind of thought :'( maybe Allah havent give me the most thing I;ve ever dream which is to fly abroad for studying, because he wanted me to learn something in Malaysia first, as to be the quidance when Ive flew.
or maybe bak kata pn salwani, "masih ada perjuangan yang belum selesai untuk ain kat uitm nie" ohh godd!ayat tu sangat menyentuh kalbu kowt :') yes,perhaps.

maybe Allah didnt give those bigg dream of mine, tapi, He  did give me somehting. everyday. every second. it's just me who dont realize it, owh, ungreatful me!hurmm~

I just remember about the doa I keep praying for 1 of this guy to dont have a mess with me, because, it cause me to death!I'm getting sick of his badd attitude, especially towards me. but, praise to Allah, I never give up in praying to Allah so that he will change. Alhamdullilah :) he changed. we're no longer like anjing and kucing(which is, I'm the cat la kalau dulu kan)

and, tadi, another problem of mine, is that, I cant focus in AIS' class, under certain reason which I wont tell you here, tapi, tadi, I keep praying to Allah, I want to concentrate 100% in todays class. I hope Allah will help me. yes, indeed, He helps me :') another sweet thing You did to me O Allah :') I'm touched~

there's always a way for him to help me. so guys, keep asking from Allah. I bet He wont dissapoint you!trust me.

cumanya, sometimes, I feel like sooo useless, I've asked too much things from You, but never obey your instruction, perfectfully :'( saya tak tahu malu :'(

O Allah, please forgive me for all my wrongdoings. eventhough sometime, I feel those sins are so unforgivable. yet,I believe, Al Ghafar,will surely forgive me no matter how much sins that I've commited from the day I were born :'(

nogori vs pahang vs kelantan

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum everyone :)

np#I wont give up :')

eh, erm okay, last night we're gossiping about guy, basically future husband
owh gosh!this killer question keeps worrying us when we enter 20th age!
owh, fyi, I'm the 7th older sister among all the cousins on my dad's side, meaning that, I will be the fifth to get marry!arghh~ ottokei??

hurm, to my future husband, please find me ASAP! ahah -___-"
erm, eyan said, I should look for any pahang guy due to certain circumtances that I wouldnt probably share here lah kann,,
so, is there any pahang guy out there?heheh :D
owh wait!am I living in pahang right now?so, it should be no problem!hurmm..who's that pahang guy then? erm erm, no idea :s
owh!no wayyyyyy!not to be racist, tapi, I dont really into pahang guy, they are ......... !urghh~
hurmm, stick to nogori guy la jawabnyaa ;) hurmm...
erm, speaking about future husband,
I would like to narrow the terms and condition
cukup lah sekadar dia boleh rendahkan ego ain
seriously I need that kind of guy sebab I sangatttt ego!I would be impressed to meet that kind of person :) tapi the problem is, none of my boy friend have the ability to lower my egotism..

dear ^.^" why are you kelantanese ? ehh~
*thanx for brighten my day here :D please behave yea, you are the reason for me to keep standing here, in Jengka :P ehh~

ahh uitm !

bimillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum..

perasaan untuk belajar di luar negara semakin membuak2 bila yang tersayang akan fly tidak lama lagi, ya Allah, boleh tak kau hentikan masa dia dan biarkan aku merentas masa sehinggalah dapat aku menyamakan taraf ku untuk melayakkan diri ini fly bersama dia ? ya Allah, bila dibuat pengiraan, aku baru sahaja grad diploma, dia dah ada di sana :( dan aku disini, masih perlu menamatkan degree di malaysia. tak tahu lah kenapa, setiap kali ain fikirkan hal ini, rasa sedih sangat. eh, you know what, I cry on everytime i think about you! susah untuk melupakan you, walaupun sebenarnya, bila dikenang balek, majoriti memori itu cuma sekadar akan membuatkan mata ini bergenang memikirkan nya kembali. kenapa? i pun tak tahu :( eventough our relation is just too tough, still, I dont know why the hell I'm still wanna be with you. dan sekarang, ain sangat berharap program penerapan tu akan tetap diteruskan untuk semester ini. only for those who had applied. please uitm :'(( eventough it will be just saved one semester, it does affect my life! living here is just making me sick :'( please uitm please :'( i just wanna be with him..and i will treasure any shortest path to be with him.

marry me mr right :*

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum everyone :)

today is 31st december 2012. nearly to new year..looking for a new hope and spirit :)
erm erm, lastest news, landslide at bukit setiawangsa last 3 nights. the weird thing is, there wasnt rainy durng that night, hurmm..

then, erm, I know this is kinda lame topic to discuss, but then, ermm, do you still remember the rumours saying that the world is gonna end on 21st dec 2012? erk, alhamdullilah, I'm still alive tough :) if only I can meet those person who predict that trash, I surely will kill them!trying to be God huh? even Muhammad SAW didnt know the exact date kau pulak lelebih!so, muslim, dont ever trust any info which can break your iman. kiamat itu pasti tapi tarikhnya dirahsiakan. nobody knows except Allah~
2012-stupidest movie I ever watched!

next, I would like to recap or somehow comment a series I follow up till now. ADAM HAWA :*
the feeling that eager to get marry early burst! cant imagine me having a husband whose willing to wait for me til eight years! how sweet and loyal he is :* the moment when ain ask am to hug her was hysterical! I WANT IT TOOO! eh~ looking and the happily married of them making me envy,huhh~ hey you! no no, I mean you, no, the guy next to you, erm yes yes, anak tansri kann?okay, masuk minang i sekarang jugak! eh~ hihihi *gelak nakal*
erk, okay. I cant wait to get marry! like seriously! I wanna have someone whom I can talk to whenever I have problems. sharing things, doing things together, laugh and cry together, support each other, and most importantly, be my imam for my every solat :') best nyaa!, lets imagine, your husband rub your head when you kiss his hand after solat. or when he pinch your nose. aahhhh~I'm melting!hurmm~ when do my time comes ? eh eh, I do have a silly question that I can still remember while we gossiping before sleep when in mrsm dulu. sila jangan gelak. erm erm, the very first thing I wanna touch of my husband body is, his halkum. eh, you guys never choking while eating ke?like that thing never block your food to get through your esophagus ? and I somehow feel like nak tolak dalam2 halkum tu, and suruh husband I eat something. just wanna see whether that food can swallow or not. heheh ;D and, I wanna hold that thing so that it cant move when he talks. okay, this is weird cik ct!your husband will die on the first night!ahahah~ well, I'm just curious ;) heheh.. talking about marriage, erm, am I ready? hurmm~ to be truth, I wanna have a stable career. achieve my dreams and having a stable live first .but, how long would it takes? I probably dah tua ganyut during that time kann? cause, I never satisfy with what I have. so, bilanya na kawin?hurmm~calon pun xde lagi,,
so, I've decided to get marry at the age of 25. twenty five yea!so, mr. right, please show up in 2018.. and, I prefer cinta selepas kawin so that we can treasure each other. in other word, I prefer marrying someone whom I dont know. so, si mr. right, I'd like surprise. hantar je rombongan merisik to my parent. and insyaAllah, I wont reject the first who come to ask my hand :) ermm, cik abang should know this! ehh~
just now, I log on my fb account, and guess what? dah two of my friends saying that they are going to marry!eh, jangan main2 boleh takk?kita dah besar kannn? isu kawin makin memanas!*erk, is there any word like memanas? =="
hurmm~
eh!you know what, 2013 is coming tommorrow!and, it means, I'm getting 20! okay, 20 yea!I repeat, 20! omggggg!another 5 years to get marry!heheheh,,actually, I wanna share something personal here,,erm, mak said, her friend is trying to match my sister with her son. well, I know her son. kawan abang. his mom said, "moga2 dapat lah kita berbesan kan teh" hurmm, what you feel when your younger sister is getting married? yes, mula2 i fikir, bagus lah langkah bendul, I can get ape tu, sort of gift from my brother-in -law. tapi, the question is, can I bare with those macik2 punya soalan nanti? adik kawin dulu ? erm,most importantly, can I stand ALONE? hurmm~ lagi meningkat usia, soalan bila nak kawin tu makin mencucuk2..deep in my heart feel a lil bit upset despite I join abah to tease her bila abah teasing syada about marriage, mentioning L,  ~hurmm,,

till then~

#4

quite interesting right? okay, that isn't the point of posting it here..
actually, the first person who came to my mind is you AGAIN -_______-
dushh~ I always wonder, why do everytime I'm about to forget him, macam2 benda that reminds me of him datang! or, is it me who been always think of him too much? :'(

once we love, we love forever

assalamualaikum everyone :)

erm erm, due to the boredem that strucks my day today,

I will immortalize something on this modern diary :D

erm erm, people can hardly forget someone who had cherish him/her for a long time.

just now, during my BEL class, miss Jun did told us that women have a softheart that can easily attract to guy,

she further add,

 

"once we love, we love forever. but, once we hate, we hate forever."

 

erk~I was attracted to her word that is,

"once we love, we love forever"

and tak semena-mena I teringat kat diaa!

dush~ complicated sungguh! entah lah entah lah..

susah sekali ini!hahah,

cik ct, you have to let goo!

 

okay enough, tu je na cerita :P

 

till then~

 

kerinduan yang teramat sangat!

assalamualaikum :)
belog dihapdet lagi
for the second time within an hour :)
do I need your permission to update my own blog?no right?so sit back and shut up. thank you :D
ehem ehem, ape na di rapikkan entah,,
lately, I've gone through a hard time to think about my future. yes, I have to have a clear vision about what to achieve and how to achieve it.
susah~
kalau selama ini ain punyai kawan-kawan yang definitely supportive untuk guide me with the do's and dont thiggy and now they are gone :(
they are gone with their own mission, their own destiny.within the right path. we're on saperate world, different environment and totally different way to get into the victory. tidak mengapalah kawanku :) ain rindu! ain rindu sangat masa tu :'( kalau la boleh putar balik masa :'(
ain na masa form 4 :') mula2 masuk MRSM LANGKAWEEEEE!
yes, duduk kat pulau tu..
I have to admit it. I'm a person who can hardly forget her past. well, things wont remain the same kan? :'(
I afraid that it is only my mouth who say I'm moving on. but the exact feeling? only Allah knows :'(
tak tahu lah kenapa tetibe semua ini macam di reminising balek dalam kotak fikiran :'(
ain na hidup yang macam kat maktab dulu!
tak kira lah betapa susahnya na survive pada mulanya, but I never plan to just step back and be at my old school. tak pernah terlintas okay :') semua kepahitan ditelan macam tu je. and at last, I become a person :') ain rindu kelas uranium!na masok balek kelas blaja semula. tak kesah la kimia selalu fail. tido dalam kelas sokmo, selipar kena buang, buat meting bilik gelap sampai 2 kali, x kesah. serious ain x kesah, asalkan dapat balek masa tu. sebab itu sahaja tempat yang ain rasa aman. aman dari segala ancaman. dapat study dengan tenang, ada cikgu2 yang dedicated, ada kawan2 yang willing membantu, ada community pulau yang baik2 belaka, ada batu cave tempat menjerit dengan nik, ada semua! tapi tak boleh kan?kita x boleh dapat balek masa yang berlalu..
and, amat susah untuk ain survive kat uitm sekarang nie. maybe it is because of me who doesnt want to be here. I've been forced to..tapi tak mengapalah. that is my fate :) ingta tak post before this ada cakap yang I can see the word anxiety clearer than the other word. yes, ain worry. ain afraid of being left behind. anxiety pun salah satu punca stress. and now, I'm said to be stressed. banyak sangat perkara yang ain na buat dalam hidup seolah-olah ain cuma akan hidup sampai esok je. banyak. sampai ain jadi tamak untuk grab everything walaupun sebenarnya ain tak mampu :'( ain tak mampu untuk capai semua tu, and the thing became worst bila ain kena berdiri independantly. terkadang, ain terfikir, kalau betul kau da fully melupakan, kenapa kau still stalk dia kan?towards the end, you will cry :'( macam mana na fully let go ehh? please do teach me! lagi nak buat decision besar nie, lagi macam2 masalah datang. tak tahu lah kenapa kalau selama ini ain boleh je terima apa dia buat. tapi kali ini tidak lagi. mungkin ain da serik when the same thing happen repeatedly. arghh! tak kesah lah semua itu, cuma, do I fully forget him? tekadang ain terfikir, macam mana lah aku na lupakan dia sedangkan banyak lagi perkara dalam hidup aku ini berkait rapat dengan dia. susah kan?terkadang ain terfikir untuk sengaja meminum air semut untuk melupakan those memories. tapi kenapa masih tidak berjaya hilang nie?! terkadang ain menyalahkan diri sendiri kerana membenarkan diri ini untuk mengenali dia. well, we dont know what may happen in future kann?kalau ain dah tau it will end like this, I wont start it at the first place. hurmm.. arghh!life goes so complicated lately :( and I have to be strong enough to encounter those :") owh tidak, sampai kesini pulak -.-" erm, anxiety. ain risau kalau2 ter left behind than the others. memegang title ex-maresmawian memang susah lagi payah. raya hari tu, datang bertandang rumah sedara mara atau jiran2 semua tanya "owh, ini yang belajar di langkawi dulu tu yea?" and mak kena hapdet info lah pulak kat macik macik yang busybody. "tak lah, dah jadi orang jengka da sekarang nie" malu. ain malu!budak mrsm langkawi, the top school in malaysia ended up being in jangka. susah untuk ain menerima fakta yang sudah Allah tulis tu. berat dugaan dan cabaran yang terpaksa ain tanggung. dan persoalan macik macik busybody bertambah menyakitkan when it comes to abang. people will ask "yang abangnya bila fly?' dan sebenarnya persoalan itu seolah2 datang bertandang ditelingaku dalam dimensi yang lain that is "ain dulu mrsm langkawi tapi tak fly, abang dia pulak yang dapat eh?" yea, stress bukan? dan esok, bermulalah suatu perjalanan baru for those yang dapat masuk degree. while me?still in diploma. lepas ini dah tak boleh calling2 besties2 sebab they might be busy with their new schedule. plus, it will be the orientation week for them. ain tak na mengganggu, biarlah mereka sibuk dengan agenda masing2 walaupun hati ini teringin sekali nak berjumpa lepak dan bercerita pasal masa lalu dan future. diri ini teramat sekali na berangan tentang future each one of us, eza si ustazah dari mesir yang tidak lagi sosial, ain n ion gila clubbing bila eza kembali ke tanah air dan mentarbiah rakan nya yg dulu alim kucing tp dah sesat.. nisa tampil tinggi dan menjadi cikgu. rindu masa berangan sebelum tido tu like hell! we should once go holiday together and berangan macam budak kecik :') rindu bilamana eza would always be there whenever I got trouble in maktab. tolong cari kan selipar bilamana ain cuma mampu menangis gaya budak 5 tahun yang kehilangan ibunya di shoping kompleks. rindu saat acent decent mafia girl ber outing bersama menyedekahkan duit di big apple dan berparty liar di TL14. if I could turn back time :( but still, impossible right? dan sekarang, masanya telah tiba untuk masing2 membawa haluan masing2. walau sepayah mana halangan dan cabaran, inilah dia the present that we cant run from. we have to face it no matter what happen. berkenaan menentukan masa depan masing2. the past is somehting we cant change but the future is in our hand for those who plan for it. jadinya, ain na cakap, to those yang ain minx pendapat pasal route yang ain akan amek nie, TERIMA KASIHHH BANYAK BANYAK. telah sampai masanya untuk ain buat keputusan untuk diri ain sendiri, sama keputusan bilamana ain decide untuk keluar dari dunia sains setelah menjadi budak akaun sepertimana sekarang. atas semua cabaran dan dugaan yang datang akan ain amek sebagai suatu pedoman untuk menjadi seorang yang dipandang kelak, insyaAllah :) walau sesusah mana insyaAllah akan ku teguh berdiri. even though I have to pretend that I'm strong :') ain akan cuba, insyAllah, Allah akan tolong ain!I believe in that :')
hurmm, banyak dah keluar air mata, banyak dah perkataan yang di ekspres, banyak jugak dah lagu sedih2 jadi latar belakang penulisan kali nie<-- owh this cik ct sengaja na berdrama malam nie pulak la kan, oleh itu, sampai di sini sahaja :)
till then~

women and apple

erk~ have you ever heard bout this quote?

girls are like apple bla bla bla, guys are afraid of climbing the top one cuz bla bla,

haishh,,the conclusion is, women have pride that needs to be secured, dont easily fall for uncertain men, but, try to read this and the comments too,

seems like so true right?

I'm attracted to this particullar comment that said more or less like this,

kalau dah perempuan tu garang sangat, na bajet mahal, duduk on very top of the tree sampai x pandang laki2 yg try to get them, sampai kena baling batu, jolok pakai galah baru na turun, susah jugak~

ehem ehem,,ehemm!batuk lagi, ehemmm ehemm!

sigh~

sigh lagi~

masih pana~

owh!sampai bila x continue camnie,

bismillahirahmanirahimm, ehem ehem,

okay, in my opinion, okay, mine, not yours,,

jap jap, need to gether all strength jap..

cane na start entah, ehemm, okay,,

I may be one of the apple that bajet on top, it's not because of me not looking at any guys or perhaps lesbian,

astaghfirullah nauzubillah!

and it's not that I didnt give any chance for any guys that comes near me.

it's just that, I feel like women dont have to fall easily on men bacause we have our pride, batas2 on pergaulan that limit our relation to guys as His servant.

eh, ingat I tak pernah terfikir ke, what if I blajar tinggi2, then kawin dengan laki yang bit lower edu than me, what if I pijak2 kepala dia?what if I becoming queen control?I tak na okay!

so, does it has to be the obstacle for me to study till the highest?

so, guys, we, women are looking for an outstanding guys that are brave and tough enough to get us which are on top, that is one of the way we can see that the prince whose climbing are really the one for us as he really sabar, and tahan dengan our kerenah. bukan untuk jual mahal~ if you're not even strong enough to stay still with us while not yet married, how bout our life after married then?

I've once heard bout this qoute,

"senang dapat senang tinggal"

see? is that wrong for us to be worth climbing for?eheheh :P

ehem, sambung lagi~

this is my point of view tauu,,

it's not that I dont fall easily on men, cuma, I dont like to see any women that being step by men, like hello! ingat perempuan nie ape?senang2 pijak?

seriously, I tak suka, I tak suka tengok perempuan tu lemah,

I benci tengok perempuan yang cakap lemah lembut dengan lelaki, please dont show our weaknesses on front of guys dear,,

kita kuat !

even in marrying case, I prefer that guy to aproach my abah rather than propose me in public or what-so-ever sweet thiggy you might think of, sebab, I memang tak layan laki2 biasa yang x berani nie,

but! he must have all these ciri2 of my future hubby,

1.beriman

2.pandai

3.penyayang and sabar

sebab,

1. I jahil, I need somebody to guide me to jannah

2. I'm typed of women whose having vision, I want to learn till the highest. for me, education is the worth asset ones can have. even if you are rich, still, if you dont have knowledge, all your properties would be banished kan?so, my future hubby wajib lagi pandai dari I, sebab I will never satisfy with my education level.plus, if you're more intelligent than me, then, problem like queen control wouldnt arise too kan? :P

3. I'm unbeatable ego, I just dont know, seriously, I'm typed of women yang keras kepala. I want people to always always listen to me as if I'm the one whose always right. no doubt in that, I admit it :P people who wish to confront me wajib prepare his/her hujah with fakta very well, or else, he/she will be the dead meat. so, my future hubby wajib seorang yang sabar and bijak to tackle the situation. see?there's the need of second ciri..

so, frankly speaking, girls who are single are usually the outstanding one, they know what good and bad for themselves, they dont fall easily for men not because they are x laku, tapi sebab they not yet found the suitable guy for herself. tpi, doesnt mean that she is being too choosy, she just need a secure future with her hubby. because our aim is only one, that is JANNAH :')

antara cita2 dan cinta

okay, ths is so not me!
but I just know why this happening to me!
I just dnt know :'(
I shouldn't be sad on things like that!
cik ct, keeps strong!
whether u realize it or not, this is how Allah show you the way to forget him,
u hv yr own cita2,seems like yr cinta will be the bigg obstacle for u to achieve yr cita2,
so Allah planned this for you, move on :) kumbang bukan seekor(wlpn bunga pown bukan sekuntum)
CIMA dekat UK, yes, I keep thinking of going to US or Aussie, but then, CIMA is in UK, I got nothing to do with Aussie, it's just that my heart wanna go there since he's there, tapii, seems like, I have to make my own step,it is now whether US or UK and, the option is no more Aussie, I'll just follow the route given. the aim is only one, CIMA, no more him :') I know, it will take such a long period to fully forget him, but, I'll try :')

here is my last word for you,
thanks for brightening my life ever since I know you
thanks for opening my mind that education is worth than other
thanks for giving some spirit to stand still whenever I feel down
thanks for every memory you gave
thank you for everything :')
and, I'm so sorry for anything that happen in between :) I've never planned for this to happen that I must let you go, or is it I've found someone else? ehem ehem, nobody actually :) it's just too hard for me to find someone like you :'( but, nevermind :) good luck for the rest of yr life :)
-sincerely me :)

a sudden thought

awak sangat comel cakap slang negeri :D
heheh, okay, start mengedik!
but seriously, we can teach our child to speak negeri's
hurmm, you dont know how much I miss you right now :(
cant wait to finish my diploma so that we can further our studies together :D
okay that's all :D
just to tell you that I'm missing you ALOT!

ada hikmahnya :)

hye, assalamualaikum :)
selamat hari jumaat, penghulu segala hari..
erm erm, I feel like sharing my experiance in life
everything you face in life has been stated since you're not born in this world
Allah has create the best path for you to live
dulu, I keep complaining bout my life,
why this why that, why me,
but now, I realise, Allah gives you these and that because he knows that it's the best for you
so, just move with the flow

I can still remember when I was young around 5years old, I started to fast because I can get the reward by getting extra duit raya and joining mak to surau for terawikh(I'm aiming for moreh actualy)
then, when I was 6, I was sent to tadika capital, jalan gurney, keramat
I've been placed in klaz mawar, which having 1 indian teacher yang garang gila.
she taught us english subject. masih segar dalam ingatan she pull my ears sampai merah, just because I cant memorize ABCs smoothly.
amek kau!balek rumah when I tell my mom bout it, kena lagi terok, sebab, malas belajar~
this is how old people teaches their child~
since that, I always do my homework, yes, my mom is a strict person, once she said no, means no,
this is how she discipline me
in between, I pernah kena pukul pakai tali pinggang by pak uda sebab x pandai mengira! pasal sifir if I'm not mistaken, I can still remember his word till now "berkira pandai, mengira tak pandai!"bang! sekali kena libas~
whoaa! memang panas la time tu kann, I was just 6 at that time. since that, I promise to learn maths better, to proof to him that I'm not just suka berkira, but, I'm good in mengira as well! I guess that's my turning point in doing good in maths subject~ thanks uda, for beating me :D
see? all you've been through in life have its own consequences,,

then, after graduated in tadika capital, I went to SK1, I was placed in the last class when I was in year 1, there are 7 classes altogether, sedih :(
are you still remember of the term "pecah kelas"?when your guru kelas is having meeting or cant be at shoool, then, your classmate has to be saperated to join the other class, masa tu, I got to be in 1 murni, the fifth class, haihh, sedih betul, I can still remember this 1 girl mambling alone to her friend,
"hish, tepi2 budak2 bodoh na dok dlm kmpulan kita" yes, budak2 bodoh, kelas belakang sekali! padahal, my parent was late in registering myself to sekolah rendah, that's why pihak pentadbiran is placing me in the last class, sabar jelahh~macam kau pandai sangat!haihh,,budak2 pown dah pandai mengata kann? let us imagine, if budak 7 yearsold pown racist, apatah lagi kita yang tua2 nie -__-"
then, mula belajar bersungguh2, to proof to that budak bajet, that, I'm way better that herself!
I can still remember my class teacher, cikgu Azmi, full of aspiration to place me in the first class since he believe's I'm destined to be in the first class, heheh :P
he keeps debating with other teachers just to get place for me in first class, owh, I miss him alot :'(
then, guru besar said, we'll place her in Akrab first till mid term exam, if she's doing well, then, she can move to Kurnia"(akrab is the 6th class, while kurnia is the 1st)
finally in year 2, I manage to get myself in Kurnia, but the hardest part is, cikgu Azmi pindah :'(
I lose my chance to thank to him for his penat lelah :') seriously, if only I can meet him now, I seriously want to hug him tightly!you're the best teacher I 've ever had! sob sob~
I can still remember cikgu dukung saya sebab saya x sampai na panjat kerusi ntuk amek gambar kelas, then, cikgu cakap, "beratnya awak nie!patah pinggang saya.." heheh, I never ask you to help me :P whatever it is, I love you cikgu!

then, in year 2, start menggatal :P eh eh, this's abang punya kerja okay, sengaja mengada kenen2kan me with this one boy :D which gives the most significant impact in my life till now :')
or, is it abang yang gay? abang likes that boy so he tell that boy as if I like that boy? -___-"
dah lama2 tu, when I stared him all day long at sch,"he's not that bad, pandai abang pilih!"heheh,
then, I started to learn better, I never miss sch everyday, Never! I still come to sch even I had stomach-ache, semangat! sebab that boy pandai, so, to set myself in the same level with him, I must be hardworking, coming to sch everyday, get atleast top10 in batch, so he would look at me~alahai, budak2 lagi masa tu~tapi kan, it's good what! you will be inspired to do the right thing, to be the best and people will recgonise you(lagi2 si dia laa)
we're in the same class till year 4, cause I was little bit lazy, main2, x focus semua, then, in year 5, all my subject become bad :( I was placed in 2nd class,Ehsan, since that, I dont play2(PCK) the vision is getting clear at that moment, I want to be like him! success all the way, I keep inspiring myself by looking at him, how he manage to be the best in everything he did,
then, in year 6, I manage to be in Kurnia's back :)
belajar bagai nak rak, sebab I believes he will definitely get 5As and moving to boarding sch,
so, I set my mind, if I want to be with him, I must get 5As as well, no more play2!
but, when UPSR's result coming out, I only got 4a1b :'( punah segalanya~ moving to SMK Taman Keramat, getting to know new people, making friends, sheky fadzy :)
I just cant remember since when we're getting close, always in three to wherever we go, even to toilet! biasalah, perempuan kann ? :P
we're being labeled as kembar x seiras, sorang hijau, biru and purple pengawas lah masing2 nie :P
then, I making friend with quyyum, cause we're in the same org, PBSM~ owh, banyak lah cerita juga dalam PBSM nie :) senior2 dye,,heheh..
masa ini, banyak main lagi,but, I always remind myself to do the best in every exam especially PMR, cause I really want to go to boarding sch! cause I believe, my prospect in future is better if I go to boarding sch, I applied for mrsm, sbp, teknik, but not sbpi, sebab memang takk la kan, dengan bahasa arabnye nnty,,
then, pmr's result came out, I only got 7As, B for sejarah!see?how I dislike history much? :P sbuject sejarah B?sayang! haihh,,

then, spb intake came out, my name we're not listed :'( memang pasrah gila masa tu, punah segala masa depan yang cerah2, dah terbayang duduk di keramat sahaja, then only I buy all the books, text books and all,, cause I feel that here is my destined(keramat).
selang 2 weeks, the intake for MRSM came out, I got MRSM Langkawi ?
erkk, Langkawi got mrsm? "hey!that's the top mrsm!you should go!", "langkawi?bestnye, choc!" macam2 suara dengar, ada jugak, "huh?kau dapat mrsm?asal aku x dpt?ak 8A kowt!" okay, that's a guy, this's called rezk by Allah my dear :) ada jugak yang cakap, "eleh, she wont go further, just see, she wont go, believe me,," biasalah, manusia kan?
semua kata2 tu made me strong to keep standing in langkawi actually,
susah payah lelah, I keep it myself, tak pernah terlintas langsung na keluar dari mrsm eventhough it's tough at the first place. studying, friends, classmates, hurmm..lesson I've learnt, "if you're passionate in what you're doing, no matter thunder comes in between, you'll keep standing" it's all your mind set actually :)
there so much things to learn in mrsm lgk  :')
to be independent, confident, brave, outspoken, leadership, respect, entreprenuership, friendship, semua lahh! banyak gila kalau na cerita pasal mrsm lgk nie, kena buka hikayat lain :)

I can still remember when I check my name for plkn, I was in! the worst news in my life ever!
I keep crying for 2 weeks, asking why I'm selected, cause as far as I know, all the trainee in plkn are the one who aren't perform well during their sch time, the bad one, x pandai semualah, the one yang bermasalah, the one yang gov sees, has no future in life. I keep asking myself, am I a bad person till gov sent me to pusat pemulihan?yes, I believe plkn is a centre for those teenagers yag bermasalah, sedih gila masa tu! I called my mom from lgk, crying while on the phone, calling my mom just to cry, till my phone brokes, the keypad sunk with tears. masa sembahyang pown menangis! betapa I sees plkn as a horrible place to live in! heheh,
then, when the time has come, I was sent by my family to bangunan zetro, where all the trainee for plkn are need to gether, I cry all the way from home, even in the bus! heheh, abah siap promise me to come sungkai, perak once a week! betapa sadisnya masa itu :'D but, what strenghten me is, he was selected too! so, I'm not the only one who is in trouble, cuma dia di negeri lain. but hey! we'll get the same experiance later :) making friends with non-malay, teuh, sookwan, miya, kavi, saras, choyee, ramailahh! that's my first time making friends with those non-malay since I've been raise in malays area. it's a good exposure actually :) see? ada hikmahnya masuk "pusat pemulihan" kan? :P so much experiance I gain there, kayak, charlie-charlie, tido dalam dorm(since in mrsm we have oni 4 people in a room), got caught while hanging on phone sampai 'terpaksa' buat white-lie saying abah is calling, padahal abe is calling!heheh, betapa jahiliahnya masa tu,, cikgu amin, klas kn, masuk hutan~ banyak!
after 2 months 10days, penyiksaan berakhir :)

waiting for the spm result, dapat matrix penang, which is the best matrix 2 years in a row, but my mom was denying my capability if I choose matrix, so she ask me to go for diploma :'( but hey! eventhough it's diploma, we're still can succeed!

so basically, this is my path, Allah has set this for me, I'm really greatful for having this :)
cuba kalau that indian teacher tu x pull my ear, I might not knowing ABCs
cuba kalau uda x libas pakai his belt, I might not able to count till now
cuba kalau abang x kenen2kan with that boy, perhaps, I'm not becoming who I'm now~full of vision
cuba kalau I keluar mrsm sebab x tahan cabaran, I might get lower result in spm
cuba kalau I x dpt plkn, I'll have sort of culture-shock when entering career world
cuba kalau I pilih matrix, perhaps I'll not get into deanlist, who knows right?

every event that comes to your life has its own good :)
just believe in yourself that you can cope with it :)
I got this at my friends wall post,
the world gives you problem cause onli you can solve it ;) menarik kan?
till then~