A letter to me

Its okay to struggle in 1st year of working. Hard time shall pass.

Forget about buying a house. U cannot afford to have one at the moment.

Focus on growing yourself first. Learn mandarin. It will enhance you in the long term. Lose some weight. Healthy body leads to healthy mind. These 2 are worth investment. Trust me. You'll become a great person!

Settle all your debt within 1year of working. Dont make new debt. Consider buying a house when you are confirm going to live in malaysia forever.

Save money to go umrah with yr mother. Cherish every moment. Have a debt free life.


Sincerely me
a confused fresh grad
29/1/2018 2345

Trust

It feels like so depressing to have nobody to share your problem. I have trust issue. I cannot simply tell anyone i have a problem. It shows that i am weak. I dont like people to see me when i am weak. But I am not perfect. I have flaws. I need a companion. I need a friend who I can share all my thoughts and problem. Have someone who I can lean on. 

I have this principle of not to tell or share my problem to anyone outside my family member. So when it comes to family problems. I have no one to talk to. This is depressing. Well, not every parent are perfect tho. As the oldest in the siblings. I have a lot of responsibility. I have many hearts to take care of. But who's gonna take care of mine? Getting back to this blog is really something. Atleast i have a medium i can express on other than twitter. As perfectionist. Looking weak is never gonna be in my dictionary. But i am human tho :'( 

I know i seem not to have any financial problem since birth. Alhamdulilah. I can treat my family whenever i want. As far as i can recall. I was a sponsored student since form 1. Up till now, ACCA. Not to brag, but i can say that i can get whatever I want, anytime. Using my own money, be it scholar money or from my part time working. So my parent always assume I never face a financial difficulties in my entire life. I rarely ask them money. In fact, i give them a portion whenever I received any. But at times, me too have problem. I still remember when i got no money left to pay my tuition fees sampai the lecturer said, if you tak bayar by this week. You cannot go to the class. And i cried at the staircase of the faculty. I swear to god. I must pass the paper so that i dont have to deal with this lecturer in the future. But I didnt tell my parent about that. Because, hey! I dont want to make them worry. I am responsible to give them. Not asking for more. Plus, i am known for my 'kedekut' traits. So people always assume that i kept my money some where else. It is really depressing. I am not born in a rich family. So this 2 month I was waiting for 'some' money to be credited to my account. The application has been approved. But it has been 2 month since the approval. I keep calling the otganization every week. And they said the money will be credited next week. And it goes on, week by week, until now. 2 months already. And every week my parent will call me asking for whether the money have been credited to my account or not. Because it is my deed to always give 10% of whatever money i received. So they were expecting it. It is kinda depresing! But who am I to menidakan the gift. They are my parent! Cuma bila didesak tu, rasa tertekan kot. It is not my fault when the org delay the payment. I was not being scolded. But the way they ask and that 'hmmm', 'kenapa tak kol hari2 tanya', 'kenapa kol bila dah ptg?'. I stress. 

I stress :'(

what would I be?

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

hi everyone :) it has been a looonnnggggg time no see huh?

final sem is giving me a very tough and complicated and anddd pressure timee -.-

I have to get myself already all the time. tking every chances, building the route to my future.

no more wrong steps.

everything must be perfect.

seeking all opportunity to build up a desireable life in the future.

10 year from now,

what would I be?

Allah please do...

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

ehem, there was so many idea what to write in here, but it all goes else where now.
the truth is, I really really dont like you!ahh, out of a sudden you're throwing these word ?
okay, crap. actually I want to practice writing in english. fully english. Allah! I've lost a lot of vocab, while my grammar was never be good -.-"

ehem ehem, story about love. again.
I was about to apply my degree programme.
I told my mum the 'he' is applying too.
and mak, out of a sudden said, "insyaAllah you both gonna fly together, atleast you got friend there"
Allah! "abang is already there right?"

hurmm, whatever it is, US will still be my dream country to further my studies! second choice will be Aussie :)

Allah, please do grant my wish :'( for the sake of islam and my parent :'(

sadden

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

hey guys! my handphone are gone :(
looking for a new phone I guess ?
ehem ehem! no daydream cik ct please ! *sedar diri kau kedekut

okay, next sadden news is,
my heaven time, free from study's burden is on 12th apr 2014,
tapii! abah just got a message stating that he got to go to vietnam on 10th apr! 4 days. works.
the question is, who's gonna fetch me at Jengkaa :(

let the time decide then :3

LOST

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

life is getting, urmm, entah ?
I just couldn't explain it. empty. lost. negativity overwhelm.

I just want the old me
the old cik ct :'(

O Allah! guide me, protect me, save me, love me. show me the way.
dear friends, do pray for me. finding the soul of cik ct :')

the one less travelled by

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

and I took the one less travelled by.

ah, I just love this quote from 'the road not taken'
the poem really reflect me. what I'm currently going through.
above all, I hope that Allah always be by my side :')

yesterday, when visiting maklong, *though I dont really like them, sebab they who influence my parent to force me doing diploma. ah cerita lama usah dikenang. okay, lets continue, maklong dengan riaknya said, yana will further her degree in march since she will finish her dip this oct. and I was like -_________- speechless. selamat mak ada back up. mak said, my lect advice me to do professional after diploma, since my result is quite good. tapi paklong cakap, rugi la kalau professional terus, degree xde. nak je hati kecil ni cakap "dah memang banyak rugi pun sekarang" urghh, that's why Im telling you, maybe this is my path, my journey. I took the one less travelled by.
itu soal belajar. ini soal masa depan pulak.

I just dont know why, whenever I'm at home, I couldnt act as if I'm a teenager. I mean, I'm acting like a kid! tak matang langsung. I called my sister by nicknames, teasing them, take things not seriously, tak dapat makan, buat muka, tadi kereta abah tak dapat start, and I was the first who said, "kaklong na naik tritton cik nuar, diri kat belakang!" out of a sudden! everyone was like busy looking at our car, yet me? patutnya I pergi lah tengok2 bonet kereta tu, bajet2 makenik ke kann? ya Allah, you will have no idea if you ever seen me when I'm with my family. mesti akan terlintas dalam fikiran, "kesian budak ni terencat -.-" with my baby-face looking, my size, my height, the way I talk infront of my family. orang akan cakap I anak last -.-"

owh yes, during my first raya, balek kampung! yeay! okay takk, at rumah tok acu, there is one lady sedara mara mak juga lahh, have mistakenly thought syada is the kaklong, sara is kakngah and me?is the youngest one! darjah enam pulak dia guess tu! haa, to think of it, ini tidak bagus!dulu yes, bagus, because I can still collect duit raya from them. tapi makin tua ni, takut mak mertua tersilap meminang nanti acano?!cakap na meminang kaklong which they thought syada tu kaklong! kang dapat hadiah langkah bendul den kang! or, jalan2 raya, sedara mara spot syada dulu na di jodoh kan dengan anak memasing. owh cik ct pemikiran kau terlalu di luar kemampuan manusia normal berfikir -.-" haa! tapi betul kan cerita drama selalu macam nie?!

okay dah penat mengarut. till then :)

interupted daydream

bismilahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

hi mr bloggie :')
I feel like this is the only place for me to express my feelings,
this is where I can criticize, comment or giving opinion *insulting sometimes :P
the place where I feel relief after posting some unsound feeling :'(

tadi kann, I berangan berangan berangan~
I was dreaming about this one guy, entah macam mana, setiap kali pandang muka dia I rasa tenang -.-" yeah, shouldnt feel such way! holy crap! it's too early to fall into love again~we know each other through peers club I joined, semester lepas. and, banyak jugak volunteering work we did together. macam tadi, I helped UKK in handling MDAB programme, I tought I was the only one who came, rupanya dia pun ada jugak :D semangat buat kerja!heheh, jkjk :P ceritanya pasal berangan tu, tetiba angan2 itu di interupt oleh this someone that I deadly want to forget!! all the sweet moment together ws like being rewind. reminising some old good times together pulak! ya Allah, I seriously want to forget him, please ya Allah :'( terus I cuba ingat those bad moment when I was with him, saat menyakinkan hati, benci, gaduh, semua tu. but I ended up crying alone. yes, pitiful me :'(

* I was about to label the post, tapi entah kenapa 'LOVE' really doesnt suit this post :s trying so damn hard to forget!

wishful thinker

bismilahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

hi mr bloggie :') I miss you a lot!
these days are like horrible for me, ah!I dont feel like my soul is here, I somehow lost in every class!
it has been 2 weeks since the first day I started my class, yet, I dont think my mind is filled up with something!
haa, we learnt about critical thinking in BEL 313 class just now, we been tought about the barriers of being critical thinker, and I realize something about myself that stopped me from being critical. that is, I'm a wishful thinker :) (yeah, probably I'm proud of being one :P )
we have to start our speech with "I'm feeling quilty of being ______" okay, since we dont have much time for everyone to share what they are regret of, which is me, included, I would like to somehow share it here :)

I'm feeling quilty of being wishful thinker, I aim so high that whenever I couldn't get what I aimed for, I probably will punish myself. as an example, I used to write on top of my text book "ain AC1105C A+ 4.00 :) " yes, in every of my text book! how I wish I can get it!though I know, with my little effort, it could be impossible!
sometimes, I am a self serving bias too. ingat tak I pernah kiasu sebab na dapatkan fast track? yes, I studied alone!I dont care about other as long as I get what I want during that time, how selfish I'm :'( but then, the luck is not on my side, the programme is terminated, and I , have to continue doing diploma in accountancy. I went to a phsycologist to talk about how dissapointed I'm, after all the hardship I've been through, it's all like useless! tapi, she told me one great words that I will always remember as a guideline in life. I am thankful for the short moment but worth it :')

huh!lagi, please do pray for me :') I want to change myself to be a somebody. a muslim who pactising the true islam's life !

homecoming - JENGKA

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

it's 2am now, trying to not sleep as I planned to go back to Jengka at 5am today,
well yeah, THIS TIME IS SPARTAA!
hahahahaha!
the result is still ambiguos!we, part 5 students are not given the final said. entah dapat kolej ke tidak lagi sem ni :(
tapii!I dont really care pun if ever I tak dapat bilik, sebab, rumah sewa menanti, I got a great deals too ;)
rm150 including all bills :) fully furnished
and, the transport are always available :D
so, nothing much to worry :)
ehem ehem,
ermm, I've no idea to write dahh -________-
as for this upcoming semester, I dont want to play around. the battle is still on babeh!hahah,
dulu I've once chat with a friend in sri iskandar,
asking about pursuing degree abroad, and, I'm lucky that dia tidak lokek ilmu :)
habis segalanya yang dia tahu dia beritahu!
tapi, there was a time when I feel that the programme is impossible for me. dia cakap, sri iskandar setiap sem pun ada yang 4flat! goshhh!I rasa kerdil sangat :( and, out of a sudden, I feel like the competition is quite tough! semangat I hilang entah kemana :(\
tapi, after having a conversation with a senior from mrsm langkawee, semangat I menaik balik!
I dont care what is going to happen this sem. I just want to ignore those shit and focus on my studies!
he's our role model now, he got anc for his diploma :') kena lawan niii!

I hereby, make a promise to study really hard to ensure the 4flatt! setiap sem pun x pernah dapat :( I want to atleast get a 4flat during diploma, and this is the right time. semester 5. since 5 is my favourite number ;D

doakann sayaaaa ehh???~

nazar yang memakan diri

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

I'm in bigg trouble !
okay, the truth is,me myself who dig my own grave on the first place -_____-"

okay, in islam, we have a sort of promise, so-called nazar. which means, a promise to Allah,
once He had grant your wish, then you have to fulfil your promise towards Him,
okay, what is it called 'nazar yang memakan diri', is that, I mati-mati tak percaya I will get it, so, I made a nazar, sebab, I'm tired, tired of getting the same result no matter how much my effort was. terukkannn :(
begini,
I was definitely sure that, I will never get an A for my account paper,
sebab, I had once get high carrymarks, but in the end, the result wont make any different.
still, I got B for my account paper. so, I was like giving up -_-"

when I was in first semester,I got the lowest carrymark for that subject. praise to Allah ! it doesnt make me weak :) alhamdulillah,miracle happen. I manage to get A- in the end. masa tu terkejut gilaa! I must have gotten fullmark for my finals ! hehe..

when I was in second semester, I got a high carrymarks, but, pathetically, the final paper wasnt that easy for me. mungkin sebab I was too confident that I will get an A for my final, sebab dulu carrymark pun the lowest, still boleh dapat A, apatah lagi kalau carrymark tinggi kann? the paranoia me~ sekali takk :'( the same thing goes when I was in 3rd semester, I like the subject, I'm energatic, confident and positive. sebab I want to pursue fast track. tapi, walau sekuat mana I usaha, seems like account isnt for me :'( I got B+ for that subject.

hence, so, jadi, I was like giving up. dengan riak takbur sombongnya, I bernazar, if ever I got an A, alteast A- lahh let say kann, I will treat anybody who involves in the making of 'that A' . sebab, I was pretty sure I will definitely never get A ! never !

sekali, the reveal day comes! (dah macam clean house da -.-) okayy, I opened up my email, and., here we go :) I got A- for my account paper!yeayyy nayyy -.-" told someone about the result, and got back the reminder, how about yr nazar cik ct? -.-" okay okay, how am I suppose to do meyh :(

okayy, lets just fulfil it right :)

cumaa, erm, I dont know how -_____- sebab, ramaiii kowttt!hahah~

okayy,lagi mory nyaa,
I used to get closed with somebody, a guy obviously.
and, everything seems so easy that time, cuma, there was a mistake that I would never expect it to be this serious until we became a stranger to each other.
as time flies, our life goes on, pretending that it wont give any impact to my life. despite how much I still want the old him. I heard he's now a succeeded man :) alhamdullilah, you get your life back when we were apart. and I, declining the stairs of victory, it seems like, you dont need me to succeed, but I do. kann? lame me talking nonsense :') entah macam mana, tiba-tiba, we get back together, and, during that time, I was about to leave. seeing your achievements make me envy you the most. and, it's better for me to leave. I tried so much to create the most meaningful memory during my last time being there. so, when I leave, I have something to reminisce for. I think that, the best solution for us is, to be far apart from each other.. and, for me, I believe, there is something huge waiting for me out there. okayy cukup. and guess what, as we be friend again, he lost focus. and I think, I'm the factor :/ we should never be together I guess :/ despite how much I still need you as my friend because, I see me inside you~ cuma, I dont want you to keep failing :/ *******

there is only 1 mission

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

ehem ehem,
if I have an opportunity to ask anything I want, and , for sure, I'll be granted for it,
I really, really want to go somewhere in US or aussie to do my bachelor,

and, IF I have to sacrifice anything of my belonging, I will definately let go of it.
seriously!
yes, I'm willing to sacrifice anything to get what I want,
and, it's proven. based on my experiance back when I was young.
I pernah lepaskan jawatan, pangkat, kedudukan,enjoyness ( such a typical dramatic budak ni~ )
but, it's serious.
dulu, I was eager to go to boarding school. infact, I've already got everything in my previous school which is SMART. I'm pengawas koperasi, dealing with money, holding a possition, liked by teachers, one of the best student(kononlahh kan), best friendss, active in kawad, that teacher susan want me to hold an important position jugak la dalam organizational chart of BSMM. secured life.  kalau na difikirkan, what else do I look for, right? I have everything.
tapi, I left those, for the thing that I really want, which is to go to a boarding school. taking risk !
yes, I know, what if, I cant survive there, people said that hostel life is tough. dah la langkawee tu jaoh ! but,since I eager to further my studies there, I kuatkan semangat. for me, there is no point of return once I step into my mission. if I want something, I definately will go for it. nothing can stop me !

sampailah sekarang,
abah pernah offered me to take a driving class, but I resist. since I'm not intrested in driving.
entah, macam malas, I rather take a public transport to go anywhere around KL.
gadget gadget gadget.
I'm not interested in any of it.
let it be, samsung, nokia, BB, apple, macbook or whatsoever sophisticated gadget, it wont buy me :P
I just wanna further my studies abroad :') pleaseee~

*honestly, I'm writing this because I get sicked when people always ask me why am I still using the old+lame+not-so-wow stuff as if I ni sengkek sangat x berduit na beli. and, yes, I muak dengan orang yang asyik dengan material, sampai lupa dia tu menghabiskan harta mak ayah. I can see that most of my friend in Jengka are that type, looking someone elses wealth, kaya, porpular, adik retis, itu yang dipandang tinggi. iyanya memualkan! sampailah satu ketika, I pernah SENGAJA menyepahkan slip baki akaun lepas withdraw duit tu atas meja to show to my roomates that I'm not that papa kedana x mampu na beli those good phones. jadi selepas ini, sila jangan bertanya kenapa ain tidak menukar handphone or lappy, or camera, or apa-apa sahaja.

 s.e.k.i.a.n.

He always have something :')

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamalaikum :)

alhamdullilah, thank you Allah !
thank you sangat sangat :')

yes, maybe Allah dont grant you something that you really hopes for, but, in return, He gives you something else :)

I dah macam na sujud syukur, and text all the lectures that had contribute all their effort to teach me regardless it's 1.39am!
and, suddenly I stopped, kalau iyaa pun gembira, jangan la na menggangu masa tidur orang kann, hehe,,

ya Allah, okay, nazar is still gonna be nazar,
I promised to Allah to donate any book that I got an A for that subject,
but, suddenly I feel so happy, that I want to simply give all the books to my junior !
ahh, I dont feel sleepy now :')
I'm just too happy,
may this success comes with bless from Allah :')

owh, yes, not to forget, all 'le classmates yang dah bersusah payah mengajar budak yang susah nak diajar ni :')
without those stressness, hard life that making me even tough than before, I truly wont come to this stage,(ahh, macam lah dah secure the most precious victory kann -.-") tapi, thanx sesangat !
to lectures, cikgu, mentor, mantee, study groupmates, classmates, senior, junior, PEERS of course!
but, most of all, thank you to mak and abah for praying the best for me :)
ahh :'( what else should I ask . having all these is just too much for me :')
thank you Allah :')
thank you sangat2 :')

newsss

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

general election is over :)
tapi, as usual, there will be the smartest political analysts who wants to give out their opinion,
ahh, manusia, mana pernah berhenti mengata, well, we cant make everyone satisfy :)

tapi lah kann, seriously, if someone ask me which party will I vote, I'll definately have no idea,
kalau BN, they have bangla nation who will vote for them, if PR, they only have us, the malaysian to vote for them, so, I rasa, I akan give my vote to PR,
tapi, to look back to what BN have done in harmonizing the country,stability, all the malays reserve sebagai, I think I should vote for BN, ahh, entah laa, as for my place in Taman Keramat, they said, Shaari sugib is a good person, so as Azmin, my mum said, they both always come to our surau. and, if they do, they would never talk about politics, like berkempen dalam surau tu ke apa. respect~

ehem ehem,
so, as for today,actually, I've got 2 news,
I dont know if it is a good news orrr badd news.
BN will govern the country,
andd,
the second news,
MUET result has released :(
and, it's always sipi2 for me,
always~
*ahh kau takk bersyukur!

what ever it is, still, I dont want to repeat it :)
kalau recheck tu, ermm,M.A.Y.B.E,, KOWT, idk~

ehem ehem, so I, hereby, would like to congratulate myself for achieving a good result than before :'D seriously, to think of it, the questions are deadly hardest than any of the question in the world (bajet hiperbola) tapi, I manage to improve my marks, eventhough it doesnt pass the border :')
paling bangga, my speaking test :) menaik half! nasib tak dapat 46 out of 45 -.-"

so, the next awaiting result, is, tomorrow,
I'm going to send my sister for her interview.
how I jealous much of her, muda-muda lagi dah ada experiance being interviewed,
where me, only the mock interview back in mrsm langkawee dulu,hurmm..

then, the upcoming result lagi, is on 9th may :s
*na taip tarikh tu pun berdebar jantung rasa -.-"
ya Allah, I hope to hear a good news on this day,
walaupun after I made my own presumption, macam takk nampak bayang2,
blackout~ ahahah!

saya takk jeles -.-"

bismillahiramanirahim and assalamualaikum :')

ahh!I feel like crying :')
tears of happiness :')
nahh, have a look at this
dan, tetibe, entah mengapa, entah dari mana,
I teringin na kawin sekarang jugak -.-"

ahh!focus cik ct, kau na fly kann ?
hurmm,
may their mariage be blessed by Allah :')

faham tak mereka muda setahun dari I ?!
owh, I jelly much to this sistah ^^"
arghh, jeles tengok gambar mereka faham takk -.-"
everything you guys did are not haram,
malah, dapat pahala lagi,
not to compare to those couple out there yang making sins everytime they're dating (sorry to say)
and, bersentuhan, apatah lagi kann,

"menyentuh perempuan yang haram bagimu adalah lebih teruk dari menyentuh kulit babi"

owh, I dont remember which hadith said this, or perhaps, ayat quran,
hurmm, shame on me AGAIN, I know the details, but not the resources :(
owh, back to that well-said,
kiranya, if you touch a piq pun dah kena samak, kalau sentuh bukan mahram ?
perhaps, kena siat2 kulit tu kowt o.O baru suci balek,
just a thoughts :)

sebenarnya kann, I'm kinda missing him :'(
owh hati, kau jangan na gedik sangat boleh ?

cooking isn't that hard :)

bismillahirahmanirahim and asslamualaikum :)

okay, I found this picture on facebook,
hahah, lawak,
it's always been like this when I'm in the kitchen -.-"
tak tak, basically when frying something, especially fish!
not only that,
I have my own sheild kalau na tumbuk cili dalam mortar,
takut kalau biji cili tu terpelanting dalam mata :D
hahah, it's kinda funny to have that such sheild when cooking,
but who cares right? as long I've cook the most delicious dish in the world!ahah,,

owh yes, to think of it, I dont really pro in cooking, I only cook things that I like to eat,
and usualy, I have a, erm, boleh la dikatakan, bajet western kann, erm, I'm more into western food la,
tapi, as you know, western food are like bit expensive kalau na mentekedarah hari2,
so, I've made up a decision, that is to learn how to bake it ;)
lagi worth it la jugak,
sebab, I can choose halal ingredient of course :)
you can't be very sure of their halal-ness when you're eating food which originally from europe right?
so, that's why I love to bake dish that I like to eat :)
sekarang nie, I'm craving for blueberry cheese cake at SR, tapi, since I've knew how to bake it, rasa rugi lah if I go to SR, and pay more than rm7, just for a slice of it :(

eh, kadang2 kan, bila kita masak, and serve the dish to people, kita akan rasa gembira and, kenyang. x makan pun lagi, tapi dah rasa kenyang, seeing those happy faces eating pun dah buatkan kita rasa kenyang tauu :)

ah yes, this is a wise advise from my master chef,
"makanan tu kita yang masak dia, bukan dia yang masak kita,
so, buat la macam mana pun as we desire, as long as it tastes better-(mak,2008)
jadi, to those who thinks cooking is complicated, back to this principle :)

nahh! mengiurkan gilaa kan :P

someday :')

bismillahiramanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

I feel sooo baddddd :(
kononnya mahu berubah, solat awal waktu, tak mahu tidur siang, tapiiiii :'(
ahh!shameless me talking shit :'(
it's already 0130, I'm not sleepy yet,
mana tak nya subuh gajah (talk to myself -___- )
hurmm,
I read a novel today, yes, basically, not so me lah kan, layan novel :O
tapi I like farihah iskandar's writing
dear yayah series :)
owh yes, hlovet the new series is already released !
gotta move my ass to MPH real soon,
once my pocket filled up lahh kan -___-"

and, that eager feeling to further study in overseas burst again :(
how I wish I have the experiance studying abroad :')
hurmm,
everytime I tell him the wish, he would always said, "someday cik ct, somedayy"
deyy, I wish I know when is it the 'someday'
ya Allah, betapa aku ni lemah sangat iman, I always questioning your qada' and qadar :'( shameless me :(

maybe this will do :')

 

semalam, I chat with abang, though he just wanna make me jelly of his new tab, bought in UK lahh kan, abang, that kinda gadget wont make me jelly lahh :P
he said, he wants to visit italy during summer break, hurmm :'(
itu pun I tak jeles jugak, what makes me jealous the most is,
I still cant accept the fact that he's already in UK :'(
while noob me, still in Malaysia tanah tumpahnya darahku,
you got me already abang! hurmm, no need to impres me with your new gadget or what so ever new things you buy just to make me jealous :'(

ya Allah, make me strong enough to bear the test ya Allah,
though I know, "apa yang baik padaku mungkin tidak baik bagi Allah"
ahh!I lupa ayat quran mana yang cakap ayat nie :'(
I have to be patient :')

OH politics~

bismilahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

whoa!PRU 13 is just around the corner !
me?
lalang~
I'm not qualify to vote, YET
well, if I have the right to vote pun, I dont have any idea which party to choose,
too much liar lately,
I dont know which one to believe in :s
so, I would like to share some of my thought

first, their manifesto to lower the price of cars
dearest people, from what I've learnt in economics,
it is definately not a good idea to make the cars as cheap as you desire.
buat kereta jadi harga mampu milik by every people ?
nahh, japan is well-known developed country, yet, 70% of its population ride a bicycle O.o
still maju kann?
cars doesnt determine ones wealth :)
price of  imported cars is way too expensive ?
hahahah! it's the stratergy of our government to protect our brand lahh! proton and produa are still affordable right ?
pilihlah produk malaysia ;) heheh,,

on second thought, I still in doubt whether BN manage to win O.o
they are gambling newbies in politics,,
takut, rakyat dont really believe in the credibility to lead the nation,
on the good side pulak, newbies have lotsss of new idea in developing the country :)
bagus jugak tu,,
tapikan, I'm afraid those veteran leader cant accept the decision, thus, join the opposition.
dude, if you cant be a good leader, then, be a loyal follower. bukan na criticise, tapi na give opinion,
jangan pentingkan jawatan, think of what you can contribute to our nation, the responsibility !
orang atasan tahu lebih yea,,

lagi,
ahh, banyak sebenarnya na bebel, tapi dah lupa pulak -.-"
till then~

I'm not ready YET

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :D
ahh, what a real freedom !
abah tegur, I'm like owl, awake at night but sleep in the day,heheh, used too abah -.-"

gotta change that !
okay2,

I planned to find a job :)
saja na gain more experiance,
well, working teaches me the things I cant find in class,
it's about live,
kalau dulu, I like to condemn people, judge them, slacking of course,
tapi, since I worked as cashier at AEON, I learnt to be more polite, be nice to people, eventhough I dont know them,
and, alhamdullilah, I've changed ever since :)
so, tadi I went to AEON again, to fill in the application form, hope to get the reply as soon as possible. tak larat dah na makan tidur makan tidur kat rumah nie -.-"
in other word, I manage to avoid eating all the time, boleh kurus maybe :| kononlahh kann,

pastu, na mory nie,
regarding this post , hurmm :(
I just dont know why am I keep thinking of him :'(
ya Allah, I really really really truly wanna forget him :'(
but out of a sudden, he came across my mind ! (I wonder if he feel the same -.-")
the moment when he said the 3 magical word struck my mind -.-"
how can I forget you when you had create so much memory that cant be forgotten :(
how I wish I never know you, must be lil bit easier for me to focus on my studies though, kononlah kann,,
ya Allah, if he's the one, show us the right way by not commiting sins, I want a blessed marriage :'D heheh,,
dah kenapa fikir pasal kawin pulak -______-"
need to stay FOCUS !
owh, by the way, I've packed things to bring to jengka for next sem !
semangattttt kan :D
tak sabar to really start the new life, and act like a real student ! I mean, how exactly student should live. saya mahu mengondol 4 flat sem depan ! kononlahh kan, hey!pray for me though! heheh,,

ending of SEM 4 :(

bismilahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

and I hereby, proudly announce that,
SEM BREAK STARTS NOWWWW :D
ahh, finally, I can get rid of these crapiness, bulshitness, and all the negativity.
rasa na menangiss :'(

ahh, okay, I finally homie :D
goooddddd to be home !

okay, na cerita nie,
on thursday, the day before account paper,
we studied together,
I feel bad for not helping fatin though, she ask me to teach her account, but, I put so many excuse, that she might think, I dont want to help her, but, truly, I'm not..
I seriously love to teach my friend, helping them in academic, but there will be so much rules they have to follow, such as, I dont want to study with people that I'm not used to. tapi dia, she wanted to invite ida, it's not that I'm not used to ida, cuma, I cant study with someone I cant be with. owh, sila la faham -.-" well, if you want to study, surely u have someone you comfortable with kan? so do I :)
and I cant study with ida.
okayy,
on thursday, me, ilaa and bella, studied together. while mat and faizul havent arrived yet, they have MAF in the morning and will be joining us in the afternoon..
ceritanya begini,
I ask bella to teach me cashflow, but she said, she dont really master in that topic, so, we make up a decision that is to invite the bigg boss to guide us :)
I called madam if she is available during that time to guide us in answering the question.
alhamdullilah, madam free :)
she's willing to come to the library and meet us :)
pastu, sedihnyaa,
my classmate, I mean the girls,
are like, being x puas hati, sebab, I didnt invite them along when madam comes to our discussion room,walhal, they are in the same library too.
girl, it's not that I dont want to invite you, cant you see that the room is too 'big' to have all of you in the same time ?
bilik tu masuk 4 orang pun dah penuh !
ada yang cakap, I penting kan diri sendiri,na pandai sorang2 :'(
manaa adaaaa :'''''( well, if you want to know, I invite madam to come is not a plan, I call her by chance!
and, as if I really selfish, I tak buat kelas tambahan on friday tu tahu :'(
I yang minta madam buat kelas tambahan on friday tu, so that, korunk semua boleh tanya any kecelaruan before sit for the exam.
bukan madam yang tanya i whether kita na buat kelas atau tidak, I yang mintaa :'( i na kita semua jumpa madam for the last time before sit for the paper. get the bless from her, apologizing for any mistakes semua bagai. I try to be a good leader though :'( I'm not neglecting you guys pun :'(
if, I nie selfish, I x buat kelas tambahan tu tahu, I pergi je sorang2 kat bilik madam, belajar dengan madam, ambik semua tips before exam from her, and x spread to all of you :'( tapi, tidak, I buat kelas tambahan tu, I ajak semua datang, maybe madam have tips in answering the question ke kann,,
I tried to be a good leader :') tapi, apa yang I buat, orang salah erti kann :'( as if I selfish, I tak pergi turun naik HEA just to book the class on friday. I book je bilik kat library tu, senang. after the class, I can continue study in the library. tapi takk, I pergi HEA, tanya orang tu if there's any class is free at blok J during 10-12 on friday. sebab apa? sebab I tak na korunk semua jalan jauh dari hostel! blok J paling dekat I guess. padahal HEA tu cakap, blok IST banyak kosong. but i insist to get a class at block J jugak. I x buat kat library sebab, perempuan have to wear baju kurung. I dont want to bother you guys to wear baju kurung when it's just an extra class. I tried to be a good leader though :'(
well, since PRU13 is just around the corner, I'd like to speak about leadership.
It's hard to be a leader actually :(
kalau kau fikir pasal pangkat dan kedudukan, senang.
tapi,
kalau kau fikir pasal tanggungjawab, nescaya kau tak akan sanggup jadi ketua sebenarnya :'(
dalam quran pun dah cakap, seorang ketua nie, sebelah kaki dia dah masuk neraka, kalau dia tidak adil, maka terheretlah sebelah lagi kaki dia ke dalam neraka :'(
and,I try not to be one :'( tapi, since I dah ter jadi, I try to be fair to all :| still, people x puas hati dengan I :'( sedih tahuu :'( dengan klazmate boycott i, roomate pun sama, it's not a good ending of sem 4 actually :'(
cant wait to enter sem 5. new roomates. new spirit. new everything.
I'll be with EC's student next sem :)
trying to be far away from account student. I need to be alone. yes, for the entire sem. isolation suit me the most :') and, I like to be isolated from the people that I know :') sebab, I tak suka apa yang i buat orang lain tahu. I dont like to be in the center. biarlah I yang mengundur diri :'( ahh!buat cerita sedih! tapi, it's true what! pointer I okay when I dont stay with account student. sebab mereka tak kesah apa yang I buat. ini, kalau dengan student account, I bukak buku sikit, mula lah na perli, "ain study" menyampah! weyh, I'm not coming to UiTM to find a husband lahh, I datang uitm sebab na belajar -.-"
atas dasar kesedihan, I went to my senior's room. overnight at her room. tapi dia keluar,hang out with her friend, so, her room is mine ! I like the environment :) silent. away from people. blessed.
trying to forget all the sadness being rejected by my own friends :'(
kamis malam tu, as usual, me and ilaa went to the library. then, mat and faizul came. with shahmi and zarif! masa they enter the room, me and ilaa was like unnerved. weird. x pernah2 seumur hidup i bercakap dengan shahmi and zarif tahu ! that night we studied together! ahh, pengalaman yang sangat aneh sem ini.
pastu, library tutup ( I wish library tu tak tutup sepanjang week exam) so, we went back hostel.
balek2 je, ida terus keluar bilik, ajak tiqah study sama at Ty's room. masa tu, I dont mind, sebab, I tak tahu lagi ida terasa dengan i sebab i tak ajak dia study sama when madam datang libary petang tadi. eyan pun keluar bilik, pergi study di bilik jiran. me, alone in the room. suka. i turn the fan to speed 5, open the window, shut the door, sejuk ! angin luar menyelinap masuk ke dalam bilik (ahh, typical ayat novel) tetiba amy datang, crying like a baby, she said, no one want to help her in account. everybody is like condemning her for not knowing the simplest rule in account. masa tu, I tengah study FRS pulak -.-" ahh, suit time betul la kann, tapi, xpe. selagi I boleh tolong, I tolong yea. so I let her know everything that I know regarding published account :) though I'm not that good in that topic -.-" carrymark pun macam hape je ! pastu, she told me about all the classmate is like avoiding me sebab case x ajak mereka study sama tu lahh! :'( glad to speak to someone. atleast there is someone who know the real situation of me :') yes, someone. cukuplah satu :')

how I wish they know the real story too. tapi xpe laa, I malas, I just want to focus in this last paper which is account. I really hope that I can do the best! tak sabar na habezkan paper akaun and go back to KL. forget everything in jengka. I told amy, since amy is my ex-romate when I was in part 3, amy pernah nampak I jual kupon I, which she tought I dah tak mahu duduk kolej lagi sem4 or I mohon fast track, yes, indeed amy, I memang mohon fast track. sebab tu I have the gut to sell some of my coupon.. glad that I'm not selling them all, sekali fast track xde :| I tell her why I apply the programme is that, I bosan dengan typical people in jengka. I love the enviroment, but not the people. and that makes us cry together. dia dengan masalah dia, I dengan kekecewaan I :'(
sedih kan hidup I sem 4 nie?

dah lah I lose hope gilaa in academic, people surrounding me pulak being like soo not supportive when actually I need them the most :'( sem nie I banyak kol ezaa. I feel like she's the only one who understand me. and, if you scroll to all my entry this sem, banyak yang I write about sadness :( I sesungguhnya tak bahagia sepanjang sem ini :'(
SEMUA SALAH UITM!hahah~ I'm not gonna blame myself for not living my life to the fullest :p
jadi, now, I'm KLian :DDDDD
I want to look for a job :)
insyaAllah :)
cuti ini na relax, kuruskan badan mungkin, cari kerja itu pasti. nampak x berbezaannya?heheh :P
so, till then :)