no more you

bismilahirahanirahim and asslamualaikum :')

it has been so long since my last updates
I got a room somewhere in blok K, well, blok paling hujung, terasa ke-senior-an nyaa -____-"

sebenarnya, I'm kinda missing somebody :')

ahh!macam mana nak cakap entah, everytime I think about him, I will pray to Allah, "if he's not meant for me, then keep my heart from remembering him, I'm trying to save my heart to the only one who deserve"

terasa susah sebenarnya :'(

this is my second time :(

andd, I;m not opening my heart for anyone after this!

especially someone with his name.

it kills me. twice. I've had enough.

if I can make a request to Allah, I dont want to ever meet anyone with his name dah lepas nie.
but, one thing you should know, it's never a regret knowing you :') thanx for everything :') betapa I nak buang dia dari hidup I hari tu sampai dia lalu sebelah pun I tak jeling kat dia, acting as if he's invisible though I know he's next to me :'( dear cik ct, tolong lah jaga hati kau tu!may Allah help me :')

erm, lagi, saya rindu maktab, budak2nya, environmentnya, everything! everything in mrsm langkawi!

final battle

bismilahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :')

i have nothing to update,
final is just around the corner,
and, I haven't start studying. yet.
ive made the timetable, so it will be more organised. tapi!
i just dont know why, the spirit to start open the booksss havent arived yet :(
*maybe the flight delayed due to storm in US*
erm erm,
tetibe this words cross my mind,
"afraid of losing someone when he's not even yours"
what a pathetic feeling :|
lahaii, I CAN STAND ON MY OWN LAHH!
pfffffttt~

*take a deep breath*

okay, tadi kann, tadi, just now, this noon,
my key was left in the locker, and, I accidently, had locked the locker, without even realise that the keys is in the locker. and, I'm sooo brilliant to the max which i put the spare key IN THE LOCKER!
yess, I know I'm soooo intelligent~ please be jelly -___________-
dah laa I put all my stuff in the locker!I cannot do any of my routine today as everything that i need is in there :(
then, I search for any keys that might be suit to my key that it can open the lock, tapi, semua hampa..
I was just thinking of, if only I have a hammer :') everything would be easier,,
na pecah kan pintu locker pun i tak mampu :'(
kalau lahh abah was there :') mesti solved,,
then, I terpaksa laa, went down to UPK and make a report. so that, abg mantenance would come and be the savior :D hukhuk~
ahh!dasar perempuan lemahh~hurmm,,
i tak tahu lah kenapa kann,
this sem, I really relies on others, I dont as independent as before :(
the level of laziness is like overwhelming my body!
and the worst is, I can smell that my pointer could probably decline :|
that day, I called eza, I was just too stress..
speaking about hope,destiny and faith
I simply lost each of them.
terukk kann?
dah laa,
I dont want to even think of it again :')
Allah made it this way cik ct! you have to be patient! remember, pintu rezeki Allah tu luas!
hurmm,
hoping for the best this sem :')
as I went to the library, I can see that there's alot of students who has start revising :\
and, the question is, when I can be one?
the situation is totally different this sem, kalau sem lepas tu, I was too excited to really work hard so that I can pass with flying colours. and, I will entitle to get the fast track,, my self motivation is too high that I can cope with all the shitty surroundings. because I know, I wont be facing it in the future. I wont be in Jengka dahh, you may do everything. It wont bring me down. I dont even care of any miserable things that happen around me. sebab my focus is just one. I want to get an excelent result, and leave jengka for fast track! tapii, as you know, from my previous post. I was crying like an insane that UITM had abolished the right to pursue fast track. and, as the result, I HAVE to face all the bullshitness for the rest of 3 semesters!
I dont know how to stand in this hell anymore when the only reason for me of staying here had lost..
I lose the HOPE..
it is sad to know that, all your hardship are worthless. so, here I'm..
sitting here, on my bed, typing this entry, wasting her time, and havent start studying for finals!
ya Allah,,I'm really afraid this attitude will bring me down :|
ahh!I'm just being too paranoid !
erm, susah jugak kalau ada mindset yg sangat firm nie kann?
I need someone to wake me up!
ahh, see?"I need someone" again, she's not independent as before..
owh tidak2!
I DONT NEED ANYONE AS LONG AS I HAVE ALLAH!
I CAN STAND ON MY OWN!
I CAN FLY WITOUT YOU LAHH!
all i need is to live my life (eza,2013)

yeahh!attention attention!
please make a way!
this cik ct has waken up!
she's all ready to burn the laziness and start move her ass to fight in the war!
lets the battle begin!
to the victory here we goo!
I study for my religion, my race and my pride!

accountant muslimah here we go!
may Allah bless me, insyaAllah :')
eh, ingat tauu, Allah sngt sweet to me :*

*this might be the last entry for me (as soon as the finals end, I will start posting again insyaAllah)
pray for me yeahh! May Allah help me in this journey towards victory.


nahh, last word,

smart people dont push themselves to study,
they have strategies !

mom, study week, him

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

alhamdullilah :) it's friday :)
I'm still alive :)

okay, i dont have any idea to write,erm, lets see what interest you the most, ermm,
guys?mom?STUDY WEEK?
okay, lets start with mom,
heheh,
I dont know how my life gonna be if ever god take her :')
she's like my diary bergerak :')
always there to hear the problems, sharing gossips, giving advise infact being my consultant in every thing i did :')
ya Allah, you may take everything from me, but not her :') my life gonna be misrable without her. love her the way she loves me from the day i were born till today :')

then, study week starts today!
hurm, feeling nervous!
well, we only have 4 finals paper!
account, computerised account, cost accounting and economics,
seen it?
3 account related paper -_____-"
im gonna be dead meat :s
paling cuak of course, FAR 250!
i wise friend said to me,
kalau dulu kau x score account paper, you may say i didnt have account basic back in spm, but now,
since we're learning new account sylibus, which spm student didnt learn as well, kalau kau x score jugak, dont blame for the basics, kau tu yang memang x pandai akaun actually!erk~
okay, indeed~
so, i have to really struggle!seriously i cuak, mentor and sifu cant help much since sifu said, he's totally lost in this semester, he cant catch up in every subjects too. mentor pulak, "ty  pun macam blur2 far kali nie, i cant help you since i cant help myself neither" :'(
okayy, the moment when even the top scorer cant understand the subject -___-"
sigh~
dear cik ct!wake up wake up!you have to help yourself!dont depend on others~
okay, too bad to mention, sem ini i banyak depend on others. i just dont know why :'(
im no more independent cik ct :(
hurmm...
eh, boringg right??lets jump to more interesting gossips!heheh,,
eh, before that, NAI and sara are flying to japan today :'( good luck and have a safe journey :')
*wondering when do my time comes*

next gossip,
entahla, i think i've moved onnn :)
i think im wayyy too good to fit you!ahahah~
what makes you guys different is, you're too social. i cant stand with you, ingat takk dulu i once compare the two of you,,not much differences, both brilliant, have vision and superb. tapi what makes you lil bit behind is that, dia got religion :) eh, bukan na cakap u tak ada agama, tapi, your way of life is like bit far from islam. itu makes me look up at dia. yes, dia. no more you :') but, whatever it is, im still glad to know you :) you're so much things i ever had. and i never regret those precious moment being with you :) it is just that, let us remain friend forever :')
ya Allah, perhaps, i can forget him is because of dia.glupp~
i know You are the best planner, but if I have the right to choose, I would like to have him ya Allah :')
please make my wish come true :* eh~
kbai~

tear drops

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

life's getting stress day by day
is it just me, or the surrounding who made it that way ?
hurmm, im kinda torturing myself. phyco.
i miss someone :'(
abang.
everything seems so easy for him
he get anything he wants.
well,kau ingat senang ke na galas nama mrsm langkawi on your shoulder ?
i envy abang so much~
he's now in UK~
while me?
in uitm jengka doing diploma,
yes,im from mrsm langkawi yet, im here, in malaysia, uitm jengka, taking diploma in accountancy.
and, abang, is from SDAR, have flawn to UK, under MARA scholar, future-chem-engineer :'(
everything comes so easy for him.
he's debater, top-scorer, superb!
while me?
im just nothing~
nothing as compare to him :(
huh, I HATE COMPARISON~
and,now, I starts to question myself,
if only i realize how much mrsm valued, provides the platform for their students to fly,
i surely gonna utilize that chance :'(
im not gonna play or fooling around,
i stress~

yes, Im stuck in here,
dilemma, conflict, depress~

 

maybe it's just me who think too much,
yeah, well,
what will you feel if, you comes from the most well-known school who produce a verryy excellent student, but, you ended up, taking diploma when in university,,
while, all other friends, are taking preparatory course, going to fly to overseas,,
yet, you, living in malaysia, holding the name of ex-mrsm langkawi, doing diploma, which are rarely be heard, but, pathetically, you never got 4.00 !
aii, kata budak mrsm langkawi, tapi x dpt pulak 4.00? diploma je kowt ! laen la kalau kau amek IB! diploma pun kau x mampu na dpt 4.00?
faham takk ayat tu macam terngiang2 kat telinga??!
i stress !
i never cry without a reason, but, just now, the tear drops on its own.
too much pain that she bare through all this while
and, she cant hold it anymore.
I need a hug to reconcile the spirit back,
O Allah, I believe i can bare this pain. by refering to your words in surah al-baqarah 286 :')

maybe

I'm glad to see that you're happy :)

she's just perfect for you,hurmm..

better to step back :')

cik ct, move on !

ahh uitm !

bimillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum..

perasaan untuk belajar di luar negara semakin membuak2 bila yang tersayang akan fly tidak lama lagi, ya Allah, boleh tak kau hentikan masa dia dan biarkan aku merentas masa sehinggalah dapat aku menyamakan taraf ku untuk melayakkan diri ini fly bersama dia ? ya Allah, bila dibuat pengiraan, aku baru sahaja grad diploma, dia dah ada di sana :( dan aku disini, masih perlu menamatkan degree di malaysia. tak tahu lah kenapa, setiap kali ain fikirkan hal ini, rasa sedih sangat. eh, you know what, I cry on everytime i think about you! susah untuk melupakan you, walaupun sebenarnya, bila dikenang balek, majoriti memori itu cuma sekadar akan membuatkan mata ini bergenang memikirkan nya kembali. kenapa? i pun tak tahu :( eventough our relation is just too tough, still, I dont know why the hell I'm still wanna be with you. dan sekarang, ain sangat berharap program penerapan tu akan tetap diteruskan untuk semester ini. only for those who had applied. please uitm :'(( eventough it will be just saved one semester, it does affect my life! living here is just making me sick :'( please uitm please :'( i just wanna be with him..and i will treasure any shortest path to be with him.

random second post of the day

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum everyone :)

oh well, alhamdullilah, I feel great after taking a nap in the afternoon :)
cuma period pain still exist tough~
I cant even straighten my abdomen!urghh~
erm erm, our eco 211 lecturer was quite a nice guy :D
haihh, this will make me harder to concentrate in his class tough! #ehh
dahh la his voice was soo romantic that I cant even stop to stare at him to get what's the lesson he's trying to convey ;D
AIS 280 dengan semangatnya dah start belajar -.-"

and and, I na cakap,
I really hate those fella whose dont have any idea to start a conversation and they come out with her boyfie topics!
I muak!
dey, those are such cinta monyet and it's so sad to say this, but, you dont know what's the true love mean (owh, like I do pulak kan -.-") but, bare this in mind, if your love just making you worse, better to leave him. love should cherish and give inspiration to each other to suceed.bukan both makin alpa. to think of this, it reminds me of him :') hurmm, I'm not to jaja my story but, I do have one question that I eagerly wants to ask. what will you feel if you clash with him, and a few weeks later, you saw a picture of him with a girl, berpelukan?owh dude!I wont mind if we didnt get along, but please find somebody who deserve you more than I do! O Allah, I dont know if I can really let go. please protect him on behalf of me, cause I just can do nothing despite how much I still need him. still need him to be my source of inspiration to suceed. I jadi bersemangat na belajar bila i tahu I still have you, but it's just a long time ago :'( hurmmm~
dah, malas!its making me upset :S

erm erm, about dean's list lagi,
this is much tipuuu!aiman and farhan didnt get dean's ?
okay tipu!
is everybody lying or result I salah cetak ?
O Allah, jangan buat aku riak dengan apa yang aku dapat :') lindungi aku dari perasaan keji macam tu :') ameen~
and, to all fast-trackers-not-to-be, ada yang cakap, they work really hard to mantain dean's so that they can get the offer to fast track programme. dont be sad. we still have another mission to grab. bare this,ANC is waiting for you guys. Allah made this way cause He believes you can :) and, there must a reason behind all these :)
dulu I always questioning myself, I slalu dapat sipi2 dari apa yang I impikan. but then, I come to know, I do gain something though!so, stop judging what's Allah doing towards you. there must be a reason :) macam post i yang ini :)

*till then :)

after all, I'm nothing

sad, pathetic, lame,
owh gosh,
I dont know if I can stand any longer watching you walk away :')
the feeling when I know that you already move on, but that dont happen to me :'(
yeah, she's wayyyyy brilliant, super hot and, most of all, she know how to tackle you :S
I'm trying to be strong, but, in the end, I just know that I'm not.
well,I work best in pretending.
sebenarnya kan, I dont know why, but, whenever I think about us, it's just making me cry. that's how painful I am still sitting behind you and hoping that everything wil work out easy for me. serious ! I dont know what type of relation are we going through right now!
bila I fikir maybe oneday I will be with someone, I still will return to you if you ask me to. bodohkan?
well, can we just get back together?urghh
I hate this feeling!though I still cant hate you :'(

poor me

bissmilahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

yeah, biggest loser on the line!
great cik ct, 2 more weeks to go back to jengka and you haven't done any preparation :O
O Allah, where does my spirit goes ?
this is kinda hard for me :S
4th sem, you're not that tough right? please be nice to me :)
I'm not doing any preparation to meet you, but, please help me to excel. I dont know if I can really survive in this up coming semester. I just dont know :'(

things like this make me questioning myself. is this the way Allah want me to forget you? Allah wants me to finish my diploma and stop thinking of pursuing degree in accountancy. and, most of all, stop chasing him. bye bye awak :') do well in aussie. my journey is just getting harder day by day. is this the sign that we should stop here ? there is no way we can meet someday. I hope you can do your best although deep in my heart still hoping that we can still be together :')

#though I know I can never let go :( poor me~

this feeling is killing me!

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum

today is friday,9th nov, which mean, muet test is on tommorrow!
seriously, I dont do any preparation and I feel bad!
yesterday eyan texted me asking how writing paper is going to be.
pandai cakap tp diri sendiri x revise sepatah hape pown lagi!haihh,,
and, I stayed up last night too :)
waiting for last semester's result to come out.
one word,
ALLHAMDULLILAH, THANK YOU ALLAH! I love YOU! *okay exceeding 1 word~
a lil bit frustrated because my account paper is -___________- it is shameless to say that I'm accounting student for getting fail in account paper *well,fail as in my standard level~
I put all my effort for that paper but in the end??haihh, I think I've done my very best dah~
well, dont ever over confident cik ct! hurmm~
higher carry marks wont guarantee you to excell in final paper, trust me -..-
I plan not to do well in every quizes next sem, so that I will get lower carry marks but excell in finals ! owh, berangan~

erm erm, BEL paper was fine, fine as urghh! why you hate me that much miss?!syukur for not seeing you next sem itu je la mampu kata~
I dont know what will happen to me if thousand of lectures are born with that attitude. feels like went to kindergaten ! huh~

and the rest was great :))))))))))
cant believe I manage to encounter with all the problems last sem.it dont affect my studies though~
erm and, how about now?
fast-track?

 

arghh!I hate the feeling when it comes to make a decision.

I still have a chance to get ANC if I stay in diploma..

but do I able to maintain the pointers untill the 6th sem?

tapi, I still can work hard in degree to get DL though..

well, last sem was a tough battle but I manage to bare with it.I was thinking degree's will be quite similar as tough as last sem. so I think I can go with it.

but then,degree is gonna be degree in accountancy, which mean, account. yes, ACCOUNT.

yet, I'm not good at it :( mampukah aku?that's the question.

but, what choice do I have in the end?still degree in accountancy though!

I got B for past 2 sem,is that the sign that I'm not born to be an accountant?well you, please answer me why am I keep on this track when I'm no longer have you?!urghh, I hate that feeling!

yes, I took accounting because of you!I wanna be with you :'(

ya Allah, please guide me to the right path :') hurmm~

#will I take the one less travelled by OR just go with the flow?

I hate that I love you

love doesnt ask why, it has no reason for me to love you.
I tried, infact, I keep trying, trying to ask myself, why, why I cant move on.
but, I ended up crying. I hate that I love you!
I wish I can go back to the very first time I saw you,
keep you in my arm and never let go.
I hate that I love you.
I hate that I knew you.
I hate that I let you into my heart.
I hate that I cannot forget you.
I hate that I turned into a stupidos girl ever for not moving on.
I hate that my heart beats faster whenever I saw your pictures.
I hate you !

terjaga dalam mimpi

assalamualaikum everyone :)

people said, if you want the dream to become true, dont tell anybody about it
erk, is that right?
so, should I or shouldnt I?
heheh,
owh, yeah, lets make it this way,,
I will tell about the dream, but the character remain mystery :P

erm, few days ago, I dreamt about 'old him'
he changed his profile picture in his fb account,,
our photo~
erk, what's that mean ya Allah?
owh god, that must be syaitonnn!
owh. okay, that's just a short dream that I couldnt remember any further details :(

and, just now, I dreamt about the 'new him'~
erk, trying to tease me huh syaitonn?!
the situation was like this,
I slept on fatin's bed-kononnya going to have a nap before zohor
but then, zohor at 4!
eh, bukan itu na cerita,
erm erm, I thought I already awake during that moment.
begini yea,
I could smell minyak rambut lelaki while I sleep,
and the scent grew stronger as if someone is too near to me
and, that makes me awake!
and, betul, that someone is just to near to me
hes trying to get his books something yang berada disebelah ain while I sleep
then, out of a sudden, I terjaga and, buat muka like marah bebenor, kenapa ada lelaki masuk kompleks?!and, the dream was like too weird sebab, we share the room with our classmate, including the guys :O okay, memang dah tahap sosial gilaa
due to that, the guys need to rent some house out there because that situation is like commiting sin everyday, living with non-muhrim~
so, they came back to our room to get any things left,,
owh, back to the terjaga sebab bau minyak rambut,
then, setelah dengan terkejutnya dia ada di sebelah, I was like,grab the bantal peluk, covering my hair, buat muka marah gila, masuk bilik masa ain tengah tidur, then, tuka position tidur,
and, masa dia terkejut seeing ain terjaga tu, his face was like, erk~terkejut and bersalah since membuatkan ain terjaga, and I can see that not his intention to wake me up, since ain terjaga sebab I could smell bau munyak rambut instead of terjaga sebab I felt any movement of the bed,
then, I continue to sleep
after a few minutes, ain 'terjaga balek' then, I ask waG
"tadi ada budak laki datang eh?'
"ada, tapi ktowg x bagi masok pown"
"owh, okay,"then, sambung tido balek,
tapi, sempat la jugak dengan ida cakap,
"dah, awok tu owg kejut x na bangun, ktowg bg la _____ masok,,sbb dye na amek barang"
"tp tyme tu, ktowg dok lua bilik laa"
and, I was like, "huh??bia ain 2 org je dlm bilik tu dengan dia?!arghh, macam nie la kann!"
tapi, dengan mata yang sangat mengantuknya, ain sambung tido, as if it is not a big deal pown~

dan, at 4, fatin kejutkan
"ain, bangun2, boleh sembahyang x nie, amboihh sedap btol dia tido atas katil aku"
dan, semua yang diatas hanyalah mimpi, walaupun dalam mimpi tu macam real pown ada yang ain dah bangun!

dan na cerita kat sini, whos the one actually?mimpi pertama or mimpi kedua?hahahahah!
but,nothing to worry, lately, I used to remember my dream, and, I always have some dream while sleeping, kalau dulu tu, tidur lena gila, without mimpi, tapi sekarang, mesty ad wayang masa tidur, perhaps, it is me who think too much kowt kann?erm, so, no need to believe on the dreams, sebab, syaiton je tu :)

~till then

let the song speaks for me

assalamualaikum everyone :)

sometimes, you ask somebody to listen to a song is not just cause or excuse (okay, still bahasa law being used), but, the meaning and memoir behind it,
no matter how much I pretend to act as if I'm stonger, I can live without you, I can stand on my own. still, I cant erase the memories of you. and
"minum air semut is not the best way to get rid of you in my mind"


I currently addicted to whitney houston's song!
and, the worse is, I just knew that she died -_____-
what a lame -_-"
here, you should have listen to these song, they are like so encouraging! no doubt~

1- greatest love of all, whitney houston

2- all at once, whitney houston

3- one moment in time, whitney houston

4- try it on my own, whitney houston

5- stronger, kelly clarkson

6- I will survive, gloria gaynor

but then, I'm all drown in this song :'(

 need you now, lady antebellu

and again, I fail~

#please do lend some time to listen to this such precious masterpiece :') *except for "need you now" by lady antebellu or I wont take any responsibility for any muntah hijau after hearing that song :P

#4

quite interesting right? okay, that isn't the point of posting it here..
actually, the first person who came to my mind is you AGAIN -_______-
dushh~ I always wonder, why do everytime I'm about to forget him, macam2 benda that reminds me of him datang! or, is it me who been always think of him too much? :'(

once we love, we love forever

assalamualaikum everyone :)

erm erm, due to the boredem that strucks my day today,

I will immortalize something on this modern diary :D

erm erm, people can hardly forget someone who had cherish him/her for a long time.

just now, during my BEL class, miss Jun did told us that women have a softheart that can easily attract to guy,

she further add,

 

"once we love, we love forever. but, once we hate, we hate forever."

 

erk~I was attracted to her word that is,

"once we love, we love forever"

and tak semena-mena I teringat kat diaa!

dush~ complicated sungguh! entah lah entah lah..

susah sekali ini!hahah,

cik ct, you have to let goo!

 

okay enough, tu je na cerita :P

 

till then~

 

kerinduan yang teramat sangat!

assalamualaikum :)
belog dihapdet lagi
for the second time within an hour :)
do I need your permission to update my own blog?no right?so sit back and shut up. thank you :D
ehem ehem, ape na di rapikkan entah,,
lately, I've gone through a hard time to think about my future. yes, I have to have a clear vision about what to achieve and how to achieve it.
susah~
kalau selama ini ain punyai kawan-kawan yang definitely supportive untuk guide me with the do's and dont thiggy and now they are gone :(
they are gone with their own mission, their own destiny.within the right path. we're on saperate world, different environment and totally different way to get into the victory. tidak mengapalah kawanku :) ain rindu! ain rindu sangat masa tu :'( kalau la boleh putar balik masa :'(
ain na masa form 4 :') mula2 masuk MRSM LANGKAWEEEEE!
yes, duduk kat pulau tu..
I have to admit it. I'm a person who can hardly forget her past. well, things wont remain the same kan? :'(
I afraid that it is only my mouth who say I'm moving on. but the exact feeling? only Allah knows :'(
tak tahu lah kenapa tetibe semua ini macam di reminising balek dalam kotak fikiran :'(
ain na hidup yang macam kat maktab dulu!
tak kira lah betapa susahnya na survive pada mulanya, but I never plan to just step back and be at my old school. tak pernah terlintas okay :') semua kepahitan ditelan macam tu je. and at last, I become a person :') ain rindu kelas uranium!na masok balek kelas blaja semula. tak kesah la kimia selalu fail. tido dalam kelas sokmo, selipar kena buang, buat meting bilik gelap sampai 2 kali, x kesah. serious ain x kesah, asalkan dapat balek masa tu. sebab itu sahaja tempat yang ain rasa aman. aman dari segala ancaman. dapat study dengan tenang, ada cikgu2 yang dedicated, ada kawan2 yang willing membantu, ada community pulau yang baik2 belaka, ada batu cave tempat menjerit dengan nik, ada semua! tapi tak boleh kan?kita x boleh dapat balek masa yang berlalu..
and, amat susah untuk ain survive kat uitm sekarang nie. maybe it is because of me who doesnt want to be here. I've been forced to..tapi tak mengapalah. that is my fate :) ingta tak post before this ada cakap yang I can see the word anxiety clearer than the other word. yes, ain worry. ain afraid of being left behind. anxiety pun salah satu punca stress. and now, I'm said to be stressed. banyak sangat perkara yang ain na buat dalam hidup seolah-olah ain cuma akan hidup sampai esok je. banyak. sampai ain jadi tamak untuk grab everything walaupun sebenarnya ain tak mampu :'( ain tak mampu untuk capai semua tu, and the thing became worst bila ain kena berdiri independantly. terkadang, ain terfikir, kalau betul kau da fully melupakan, kenapa kau still stalk dia kan?towards the end, you will cry :'( macam mana na fully let go ehh? please do teach me! lagi nak buat decision besar nie, lagi macam2 masalah datang. tak tahu lah kenapa kalau selama ini ain boleh je terima apa dia buat. tapi kali ini tidak lagi. mungkin ain da serik when the same thing happen repeatedly. arghh! tak kesah lah semua itu, cuma, do I fully forget him? tekadang ain terfikir, macam mana lah aku na lupakan dia sedangkan banyak lagi perkara dalam hidup aku ini berkait rapat dengan dia. susah kan?terkadang ain terfikir untuk sengaja meminum air semut untuk melupakan those memories. tapi kenapa masih tidak berjaya hilang nie?! terkadang ain menyalahkan diri sendiri kerana membenarkan diri ini untuk mengenali dia. well, we dont know what may happen in future kann?kalau ain dah tau it will end like this, I wont start it at the first place. hurmm.. arghh!life goes so complicated lately :( and I have to be strong enough to encounter those :") owh tidak, sampai kesini pulak -.-" erm, anxiety. ain risau kalau2 ter left behind than the others. memegang title ex-maresmawian memang susah lagi payah. raya hari tu, datang bertandang rumah sedara mara atau jiran2 semua tanya "owh, ini yang belajar di langkawi dulu tu yea?" and mak kena hapdet info lah pulak kat macik macik yang busybody. "tak lah, dah jadi orang jengka da sekarang nie" malu. ain malu!budak mrsm langkawi, the top school in malaysia ended up being in jangka. susah untuk ain menerima fakta yang sudah Allah tulis tu. berat dugaan dan cabaran yang terpaksa ain tanggung. dan persoalan macik macik busybody bertambah menyakitkan when it comes to abang. people will ask "yang abangnya bila fly?' dan sebenarnya persoalan itu seolah2 datang bertandang ditelingaku dalam dimensi yang lain that is "ain dulu mrsm langkawi tapi tak fly, abang dia pulak yang dapat eh?" yea, stress bukan? dan esok, bermulalah suatu perjalanan baru for those yang dapat masuk degree. while me?still in diploma. lepas ini dah tak boleh calling2 besties2 sebab they might be busy with their new schedule. plus, it will be the orientation week for them. ain tak na mengganggu, biarlah mereka sibuk dengan agenda masing2 walaupun hati ini teringin sekali nak berjumpa lepak dan bercerita pasal masa lalu dan future. diri ini teramat sekali na berangan tentang future each one of us, eza si ustazah dari mesir yang tidak lagi sosial, ain n ion gila clubbing bila eza kembali ke tanah air dan mentarbiah rakan nya yg dulu alim kucing tp dah sesat.. nisa tampil tinggi dan menjadi cikgu. rindu masa berangan sebelum tido tu like hell! we should once go holiday together and berangan macam budak kecik :') rindu bilamana eza would always be there whenever I got trouble in maktab. tolong cari kan selipar bilamana ain cuma mampu menangis gaya budak 5 tahun yang kehilangan ibunya di shoping kompleks. rindu saat acent decent mafia girl ber outing bersama menyedekahkan duit di big apple dan berparty liar di TL14. if I could turn back time :( but still, impossible right? dan sekarang, masanya telah tiba untuk masing2 membawa haluan masing2. walau sepayah mana halangan dan cabaran, inilah dia the present that we cant run from. we have to face it no matter what happen. berkenaan menentukan masa depan masing2. the past is somehting we cant change but the future is in our hand for those who plan for it. jadinya, ain na cakap, to those yang ain minx pendapat pasal route yang ain akan amek nie, TERIMA KASIHHH BANYAK BANYAK. telah sampai masanya untuk ain buat keputusan untuk diri ain sendiri, sama keputusan bilamana ain decide untuk keluar dari dunia sains setelah menjadi budak akaun sepertimana sekarang. atas semua cabaran dan dugaan yang datang akan ain amek sebagai suatu pedoman untuk menjadi seorang yang dipandang kelak, insyaAllah :) walau sesusah mana insyaAllah akan ku teguh berdiri. even though I have to pretend that I'm strong :') ain akan cuba, insyAllah, Allah akan tolong ain!I believe in that :')
hurmm, banyak dah keluar air mata, banyak dah perkataan yang di ekspres, banyak jugak dah lagu sedih2 jadi latar belakang penulisan kali nie<-- owh this cik ct sengaja na berdrama malam nie pulak la kan, oleh itu, sampai di sini sahaja :)
till then~

more on fast-track programme

assakamualaikum everyonee :)
feeling great to post something merepek here :)
ehem ehem, owh!before I forgot,
regarding my previous post,
student who lives in KL will be transfered to melaka for FT programme,
pantai timur je yang pegi UiTM machangster.
yet, melaka bukan di UiTM london aka uitm Lendu, but, in the exact bandarhilir
and, the environment is totally diff!
hurmm, need to re-think about pursuing my dream..
plus, the intake is on early of march,
after checking back the schedule for next semester, I find out that, during that time, we're almost finish the 4th semester kowtt!macam x worth it je?

okay, enough!let focus on this current semester babeh!

erm lagi lagi,
I FEEL LIKE KILLING MARK ZUCKERBERG!my facebook is being changed to timeline, grrr!
no more privacy :S

ehem ehem, just now I stalked his timeline, yes, dia punya lagi dah lama tukar dari i punya,
feeling sad of no reason :S
pelik~
dah laa,
when I think about the FT programme, I need to consider many things,
first and for most, I have to stand on my own, he's no longer there to support me :') mampukah aku?hurmm,, susah nak lupakan orang yang telah banyak mengubah kita kann?

FT again~

assalamualaikum everyone :)

it has been so long since my last update, heheh..

keep myself busy doing nothing, erk,, okay abaikan :P

erm erm, the application form to do fast-track has come out,

I just dont know whether to fill it or neglect the opportunity, hurmm..

Oo Allah, please show me the right thing to do :')

doing diploma which takes 3 years to graduate is making me crazier day by day, ad, I'm not though enough to confront all the problem :'(

last weekend I went back to kl, meeting elevators, eza and ion, gossiping all day long!

I just miss all the educated person in langkawi so badly :(

mingle with those who think education is the most important tools to control the world, having a clear vision of what to achieve in life! haihh,,

I miss langkawi for the people who are willing to help each other, succeed toghether,

I still remember the quotation given by cikgu apandi, "be the best, lead the rest :')"which suppose we beat the rest right? see? how we really help each other to achieve victory :') and the tradition didnt being applied here, even though we're still in the same organisation-MARA.

okay, enough about comparing , well, life is all about comparing right? =_="

back to fast-track,

what makes my heart ponder this matters is,

first- the jealousy that grew bigger day by day seeing major of my friend are waiting for degree's intake

second- sick of living here, with the people yang K!

third- CANT JUST LET HIM GO ABROAD WHILE ME???!please do understand me! :'( okay, this feeling is killing me !I really need to make myself there! and the fastest way is to take fast-track. I'm not going to let you win so easily my dear!our bet is still on :P huhu,,

forth- I have to show a good example to my sistah, doing diploma has given a huge humiliation towards my parent actually, so I have to fix it back :'( hurmm..

buttt, the question is, do I able to do fast-track? do my brain is well-prepared to curb with the degree's burden? what if bla bla what if bla bla... haihh..

but, basically, I believe in myself, if I want it, I'll try my best to get it. so, what to worry then? erm erm, jadi bagaimanakah???

should I or shouldn't I?

antara cita2 dan cinta

okay, ths is so not me!
but I just know why this happening to me!
I just dnt know :'(
I shouldn't be sad on things like that!
cik ct, keeps strong!
whether u realize it or not, this is how Allah show you the way to forget him,
u hv yr own cita2,seems like yr cinta will be the bigg obstacle for u to achieve yr cita2,
so Allah planned this for you, move on :) kumbang bukan seekor(wlpn bunga pown bukan sekuntum)
CIMA dekat UK, yes, I keep thinking of going to US or Aussie, but then, CIMA is in UK, I got nothing to do with Aussie, it's just that my heart wanna go there since he's there, tapii, seems like, I have to make my own step,it is now whether US or UK and, the option is no more Aussie, I'll just follow the route given. the aim is only one, CIMA, no more him :') I know, it will take such a long period to fully forget him, but, I'll try :')

here is my last word for you,
thanks for brightening my life ever since I know you
thanks for opening my mind that education is worth than other
thanks for giving some spirit to stand still whenever I feel down
thanks for every memory you gave
thank you for everything :')
and, I'm so sorry for anything that happen in between :) I've never planned for this to happen that I must let you go, or is it I've found someone else? ehem ehem, nobody actually :) it's just too hard for me to find someone like you :'( but, nevermind :) good luck for the rest of yr life :)
-sincerely me :)

a sudden thought

awak sangat comel cakap slang negeri :D
heheh, okay, start mengedik!
but seriously, we can teach our child to speak negeri's
hurmm, you dont know how much I miss you right now :(
cant wait to finish my diploma so that we can further our studies together :D
okay that's all :D
just to tell you that I'm missing you ALOT!