I have this principle of not to tell or share my problem to anyone outside my family member. So when it comes to family problems. I have no one to talk to. This is depressing. Well, not every parent are perfect tho. As the oldest in the siblings. I have a lot of responsibility. I have many hearts to take care of. But who's gonna take care of mine? Getting back to this blog is really something. Atleast i have a medium i can express on other than twitter. As perfectionist. Looking weak is never gonna be in my dictionary. But i am human tho :'(
I know i seem not to have any financial problem since birth. Alhamdulilah. I can treat my family whenever i want. As far as i can recall. I was a sponsored student since form 1. Up till now, ACCA. Not to brag, but i can say that i can get whatever I want, anytime. Using my own money, be it scholar money or from my part time working. So my parent always assume I never face a financial difficulties in my entire life. I rarely ask them money. In fact, i give them a portion whenever I received any. But at times, me too have problem. I still remember when i got no money left to pay my tuition fees sampai the lecturer said, if you tak bayar by this week. You cannot go to the class. And i cried at the staircase of the faculty. I swear to god. I must pass the paper so that i dont have to deal with this lecturer in the future. But I didnt tell my parent about that. Because, hey! I dont want to make them worry. I am responsible to give them. Not asking for more. Plus, i am known for my 'kedekut' traits. So people always assume that i kept my money some where else. It is really depressing. I am not born in a rich family. So this 2 month I was waiting for 'some' money to be credited to my account. The application has been approved. But it has been 2 month since the approval. I keep calling the otganization every week. And they said the money will be credited next week. And it goes on, week by week, until now. 2 months already. And every week my parent will call me asking for whether the money have been credited to my account or not. Because it is my deed to always give 10% of whatever money i received. So they were expecting it. It is kinda depresing! But who am I to menidakan the gift. They are my parent! Cuma bila didesak tu, rasa tertekan kot. It is not my fault when the org delay the payment. I was not being scolded. But the way they ask and that 'hmmm', 'kenapa tak kol hari2 tanya', 'kenapa kol bila dah ptg?'. I stress.
I stress :'(
