birthday girl :D

 

Assalamualaikum everyone J

This time around, I would like to write about one of my friend – whose celebrating her birthday today :D I’m sorry for not wishing you earlier, because so many things came up lately,

The final exam will start tomorrow, of course I have to put all my effort on it, despite the personal  problem I have to face here. And to be more sadden, I add up the burden of final exam by taking MUET too.  May allah ease everything and gives me strength J

Owh okay, that’s not the purpose of writing here.

Erm erm, out of all friend I ever had, you are one of the best. ONE OF THE BEST, so still, not the best laa :P

Thanks for being my ‘kaunter pertanyaan’ to every silly question from me

Thank you for being my English tutor for grammar, if this isn’t too much, can you msg me on fb about simple grammatical error that I should avoid? –is, are, +ing, +en, had..argh! I don’t have any idea how many times have I asked you :S

Erm, erm, lets reminiscing some birthday party of yours while in Maktab :D

I can still remember how pathetic you were when we poured 2 pails of soapy water from level 1 at ampaian. When you don’t make move even an inch, willingly being poured by those well prepared soapy water. And the funny thing is when you just realize of being prank after we had finished pouring those mixture. Then, you angrily went to your room, pick your towel, then went to restroom, without saying a word! While the rest of us keep worrying as if you’re mad -__-

Soooo, HAPPY BIRTHDAY AIN AMIRAH KAMARULZAMAN ! let be friend till forever, may Allah helps you in every task. insyaAllah J

# this is the ONLY picture of you in my file, hope you'll enjoy :) *owh, nmpk sngt menipu :D

## sorry that I'm not good in picture editing, the guy beside her is being erase for the purpose of sensitivity issue :D

le' me

assalamualaikum everyone :)

erm erm, there is so much thing to achieve in life,

sometime,

I just being cruel to myself for punishing herself when she can not get what she aimed for.

perhaps, it is just me who being greedy to get all things?

I do hold 2 pens at a time, because I believe every second from putting the pen to the table and pick it up when you need different colour will be so much waste,

 

I do my schedule with every single detail every morning on what to get during that day

 

I punish myself for something that I dont get when I've planned for it, but in return, I rewarded myself when I successfully get the thing

 

I do alot of motivation whenever I feel down by seeing succesful person, read their story

 

I always think thousand times whenever I'm about to spend my money although it is just for a meal

 

I dont simply do something without getting anything from it, in other word, there must be reasons by doing so

 

I think positively whenever friend back-stab me- they may have their reason by doing so

because, I have no time to think about something that are not significant to me

 

I never think of others, for me, the world is no such place for leisure.

we're running out of time, alot more to discover,

 

and the worst is, I keep holding on these words

"when you dont have the ability to get the victory on your own, use others weaknesses to grab it"

and,

"when I need something, by hook or by crook, I must have it in my hand, regardless the way I get it"

this thought developed me into such an arrogant, selfish, stingy, greedy and boring person. yes, I'm boring -_______-

my life is full of strategies tho I believe, Allah have set the best for me :)
maybe, the environment which I grew up thought me to act this way.
somehow, I might hurt others :(
but, this is the actual me.

walking in her own world thru success,

trying to get what she want without even care on what others might say. beyane~

 

anyhow, I do really appreciate when there come a friend who thinks like I think.
but, we cannot make people the way we want them to be right?
all I can say is, I need someone who can walk beside me thru all the good and bad times.
it is the matter of friendship.
I envy the people who gone thru a smooth life like there will be no obstacle for them to succeed.
and I just wonder, when will be my time :')
and tho, I just need Allah to always be besides me :')
may all the decision made came with the bless from Him, insyaAllah

*actually, I have alot more to write, but some have been spit out to someone more than special :)
thanks Allah for giving me this such lesson :) I've learnt alot!

#5

assalamualaikum everyone :)
just passing by the blog website..
okay daa :)
erk, nope nope, actually I currently stalking somebody on twitter, eheh,
yeah yeah yeah, I dont have any twitter account, so, it is my friend's account,
I've ask his permission okay :P heheh,
a lot of gossip you can find there, hahahahah! *evil laugh
erm erm, I dont really realize since when I start to look at this particular boy but the humble way he brings himself makes me want to know him better. the way we think is similar.
yeah yeah, I do admit it, all this while, I dont even know his name or look at him. yet, since the day when he eventually call my name had melted my heart because he know my name!hahah..what a pathetic girl I am -_-"
and, of course a lot more cute stuff I found from his comment/tweet about his life and friends of course :D

hurmm, what more to mory?
erm erm, I didnt get the JPA scholar, perhaps it is because my dad's salary doesn;t qualify me to get the scholar :'( I misswrote the salary paid which it is not accordance with the payslip, but, still, the battle is still on! stay focus cik ct!

then, about this study week, I',m not going back home, since Sara's camping has been postpone to next week, so, it would be a waste of money for my dad to pick me at jengka when Sara isntt in bentong for her camp. sebab, I was thinking if they want to visit Sara during the camp, why dont they come to jengka as well to pick me up right?but, nvm :) got to get used of it, since, all the overseas student wont be able to come back to malaysia everyweek right? *what a daydream :P

erm erm, the final exam is just around the corner while me still lying on the bed doing nothing. pathetic~
but, no worries!I have planned some timetable to maximize the free time during study week. I like to stalk him on twitter because he always updating about study, sleep with the books hoping that the knowledge will be absorded into his brain. isnt that cute!ahahahahahah! see?the way we think is the same!I used to sleep with the books near me!<-- erk, long time ago, when I was in mrsm -_-" but, I think, I should practise that again :D hahah,, I wont mind a geek guy :P heheh,

then, about my mouth!I dont know what sort of thing stick inside my mouth. it starts to swollen since Ramadhan and not get better till now. due to that, I cant speak well and the pronounciation become like so-mat-salleh-celop. I cant help with that! owh, okay, back to the case, just now I try to break the cell wall of that thing, and, some redbloodcell comes out! then, something jelly-like thing leaks out. seriously disgusting! I have nothing in the locker but a bottle of sea cucumber oil (minyak gamat) to stop the bleeding, and there was a time where I can taste the gamat when I drink some water. yet, nothign to worry :) healin supplement is made up of some gamat oil too right?hahah! trying to confort my heart that nothing will turn bad by consuming a bit gamat :D erm, this is what abah always remind me "jaga mulut kaklong, ingat, jangan celupar sangat, sekarang nie, people can do anything against you," okay abah, lesson learnt :)

okay, enough babbling  :)  good night :)

craving

assalamualaikum everyone :)
ehem ehem, I would like to make an announcement,
"OUT OF VARIETY OF FOOD YOU CAN FIND IN MALAYSIA, I"M CRAVING FOR CEKODOK BAWANG!"
it isnt expensive right?
it must be really good to have my mum beside me right now to fry some cekodok bawang for me :')
btw, I'm not going back home during study week. so, it will be around 1 month till I can eat cekodok bawang ;'( hurmmmm..
and, it must be great eating cekodok bawang with chilli sauce and a cup of tea infront the courtyard with beloved family at the evening ;'(

*berangan je lebih -_-"

final mood

assalamualaikum everyone :)
ehem ehem, nothing much to mory, but I do feel like it has been a long time since my last update,
erm, actually, I would like to share about our PERSIDA's dinner yesterday :)
the food was good but to compare with its price, erk~so so laa :)
but the good thing is, we have a good night together :)
despite the MAF220 test this morning :D (the question was awesome!as in inverted comma)
hurm, just now, waG told me that there is 1 of our friend want to take the opportunity of doing fasttrack, hurmm..actually, I have sort of mixed feeling whether to take it or not, this feeling rise after I sent abang to KLIA that day, I feel like want to finish my diploma and straight away fly for my degree, since abah did offer me if I want to study abroad after diploma, so, better not to take fast track programme right?haihh,
so, lets Allah decide the best for me then :') I'm just go on with the flow,
dont want to think about that any longer, so not, lets just prepare for this upcoming final!
so, dear readers, I will rarely update on this blog and so as my facebook, need to focus on my final, kononnya laa -_-"

gotta fix it back !

assalamualaikum everyone :)
having a great weekend? good~
same goes here :)
erm, I would like to immortalize some new experiance sending someone to airport.

it's not the matter of sending or the airport itself, but, it's about sending someone who will going to further his study overseas, yes, abroad :')
I wish I was the one who in his shoe :')
erm erm, yesterday, I sent my brother to KLIA,
he is going to pursue his study in manchester, UK for 3 years~taking chemical engineering

out of 8 student, only 1 girl, kak Diana :)
and, she will accompany my brother all the way to UK since she looks hyper and very confident in leading the team as compared to my 'geek' bro!heheh,
okay enough about that~

now, it's time for me !
for me to prove my ability to achieve the victory
and, somehow, I feel like want to finish my diploma and straight away fly,means, not taking the fast track programme, ya Allah, please show me the right path :')
seeing all the happy face at the airport yesterday made me eager to further my degree abroad!
and, now, I woud rather say, I dont care of anything but study.
all these while, I keep thingking on how to lose weight, earning extra money, doing joyah thiggy, gossiping, boyfriend, friend, thinking all the messy thing until I eventually lost focus!
and, I do feel that, my confident level declining lately,
I was too shy to speak infront, my speaking skill become worst, lack of vocabulary,silly grammar mistakes, and, you can clearly detect those in my previous post. yeah yeah, I know myself better~
and, I believe myself is heading to its falling era~ dush! got to fix it back !!

okay, that's all the babbling session :) thank you for lending some time :)

#4

quite interesting right? okay, that isn't the point of posting it here..
actually, the first person who came to my mind is you AGAIN -_______-
dushh~ I always wonder, why do everytime I'm about to forget him, macam2 benda that reminds me of him datang! or, is it me who been always think of him too much? :'(

once we love, we love forever

assalamualaikum everyone :)

erm erm, due to the boredem that strucks my day today,

I will immortalize something on this modern diary :D

erm erm, people can hardly forget someone who had cherish him/her for a long time.

just now, during my BEL class, miss Jun did told us that women have a softheart that can easily attract to guy,

she further add,

 

"once we love, we love forever. but, once we hate, we hate forever."

 

erk~I was attracted to her word that is,

"once we love, we love forever"

and tak semena-mena I teringat kat diaa!

dush~ complicated sungguh! entah lah entah lah..

susah sekali ini!hahah,

cik ct, you have to let goo!

 

okay enough, tu je na cerita :P

 

till then~

 

kerinduan yang teramat sangat!

assalamualaikum :)
belog dihapdet lagi
for the second time within an hour :)
do I need your permission to update my own blog?no right?so sit back and shut up. thank you :D
ehem ehem, ape na di rapikkan entah,,
lately, I've gone through a hard time to think about my future. yes, I have to have a clear vision about what to achieve and how to achieve it.
susah~
kalau selama ini ain punyai kawan-kawan yang definitely supportive untuk guide me with the do's and dont thiggy and now they are gone :(
they are gone with their own mission, their own destiny.within the right path. we're on saperate world, different environment and totally different way to get into the victory. tidak mengapalah kawanku :) ain rindu! ain rindu sangat masa tu :'( kalau la boleh putar balik masa :'(
ain na masa form 4 :') mula2 masuk MRSM LANGKAWEEEEE!
yes, duduk kat pulau tu..
I have to admit it. I'm a person who can hardly forget her past. well, things wont remain the same kan? :'(
I afraid that it is only my mouth who say I'm moving on. but the exact feeling? only Allah knows :'(
tak tahu lah kenapa tetibe semua ini macam di reminising balek dalam kotak fikiran :'(
ain na hidup yang macam kat maktab dulu!
tak kira lah betapa susahnya na survive pada mulanya, but I never plan to just step back and be at my old school. tak pernah terlintas okay :') semua kepahitan ditelan macam tu je. and at last, I become a person :') ain rindu kelas uranium!na masok balek kelas blaja semula. tak kesah la kimia selalu fail. tido dalam kelas sokmo, selipar kena buang, buat meting bilik gelap sampai 2 kali, x kesah. serious ain x kesah, asalkan dapat balek masa tu. sebab itu sahaja tempat yang ain rasa aman. aman dari segala ancaman. dapat study dengan tenang, ada cikgu2 yang dedicated, ada kawan2 yang willing membantu, ada community pulau yang baik2 belaka, ada batu cave tempat menjerit dengan nik, ada semua! tapi tak boleh kan?kita x boleh dapat balek masa yang berlalu..
and, amat susah untuk ain survive kat uitm sekarang nie. maybe it is because of me who doesnt want to be here. I've been forced to..tapi tak mengapalah. that is my fate :) ingta tak post before this ada cakap yang I can see the word anxiety clearer than the other word. yes, ain worry. ain afraid of being left behind. anxiety pun salah satu punca stress. and now, I'm said to be stressed. banyak sangat perkara yang ain na buat dalam hidup seolah-olah ain cuma akan hidup sampai esok je. banyak. sampai ain jadi tamak untuk grab everything walaupun sebenarnya ain tak mampu :'( ain tak mampu untuk capai semua tu, and the thing became worst bila ain kena berdiri independantly. terkadang, ain terfikir, kalau betul kau da fully melupakan, kenapa kau still stalk dia kan?towards the end, you will cry :'( macam mana na fully let go ehh? please do teach me! lagi nak buat decision besar nie, lagi macam2 masalah datang. tak tahu lah kenapa kalau selama ini ain boleh je terima apa dia buat. tapi kali ini tidak lagi. mungkin ain da serik when the same thing happen repeatedly. arghh! tak kesah lah semua itu, cuma, do I fully forget him? tekadang ain terfikir, macam mana lah aku na lupakan dia sedangkan banyak lagi perkara dalam hidup aku ini berkait rapat dengan dia. susah kan?terkadang ain terfikir untuk sengaja meminum air semut untuk melupakan those memories. tapi kenapa masih tidak berjaya hilang nie?! terkadang ain menyalahkan diri sendiri kerana membenarkan diri ini untuk mengenali dia. well, we dont know what may happen in future kann?kalau ain dah tau it will end like this, I wont start it at the first place. hurmm.. arghh!life goes so complicated lately :( and I have to be strong enough to encounter those :") owh tidak, sampai kesini pulak -.-" erm, anxiety. ain risau kalau2 ter left behind than the others. memegang title ex-maresmawian memang susah lagi payah. raya hari tu, datang bertandang rumah sedara mara atau jiran2 semua tanya "owh, ini yang belajar di langkawi dulu tu yea?" and mak kena hapdet info lah pulak kat macik macik yang busybody. "tak lah, dah jadi orang jengka da sekarang nie" malu. ain malu!budak mrsm langkawi, the top school in malaysia ended up being in jangka. susah untuk ain menerima fakta yang sudah Allah tulis tu. berat dugaan dan cabaran yang terpaksa ain tanggung. dan persoalan macik macik busybody bertambah menyakitkan when it comes to abang. people will ask "yang abangnya bila fly?' dan sebenarnya persoalan itu seolah2 datang bertandang ditelingaku dalam dimensi yang lain that is "ain dulu mrsm langkawi tapi tak fly, abang dia pulak yang dapat eh?" yea, stress bukan? dan esok, bermulalah suatu perjalanan baru for those yang dapat masuk degree. while me?still in diploma. lepas ini dah tak boleh calling2 besties2 sebab they might be busy with their new schedule. plus, it will be the orientation week for them. ain tak na mengganggu, biarlah mereka sibuk dengan agenda masing2 walaupun hati ini teringin sekali nak berjumpa lepak dan bercerita pasal masa lalu dan future. diri ini teramat sekali na berangan tentang future each one of us, eza si ustazah dari mesir yang tidak lagi sosial, ain n ion gila clubbing bila eza kembali ke tanah air dan mentarbiah rakan nya yg dulu alim kucing tp dah sesat.. nisa tampil tinggi dan menjadi cikgu. rindu masa berangan sebelum tido tu like hell! we should once go holiday together and berangan macam budak kecik :') rindu bilamana eza would always be there whenever I got trouble in maktab. tolong cari kan selipar bilamana ain cuma mampu menangis gaya budak 5 tahun yang kehilangan ibunya di shoping kompleks. rindu saat acent decent mafia girl ber outing bersama menyedekahkan duit di big apple dan berparty liar di TL14. if I could turn back time :( but still, impossible right? dan sekarang, masanya telah tiba untuk masing2 membawa haluan masing2. walau sepayah mana halangan dan cabaran, inilah dia the present that we cant run from. we have to face it no matter what happen. berkenaan menentukan masa depan masing2. the past is somehting we cant change but the future is in our hand for those who plan for it. jadinya, ain na cakap, to those yang ain minx pendapat pasal route yang ain akan amek nie, TERIMA KASIHHH BANYAK BANYAK. telah sampai masanya untuk ain buat keputusan untuk diri ain sendiri, sama keputusan bilamana ain decide untuk keluar dari dunia sains setelah menjadi budak akaun sepertimana sekarang. atas semua cabaran dan dugaan yang datang akan ain amek sebagai suatu pedoman untuk menjadi seorang yang dipandang kelak, insyaAllah :) walau sesusah mana insyaAllah akan ku teguh berdiri. even though I have to pretend that I'm strong :') ain akan cuba, insyAllah, Allah akan tolong ain!I believe in that :')
hurmm, banyak dah keluar air mata, banyak dah perkataan yang di ekspres, banyak jugak dah lagu sedih2 jadi latar belakang penulisan kali nie<-- owh this cik ct sengaja na berdrama malam nie pulak la kan, oleh itu, sampai di sini sahaja :)
till then~

anxiety?

assalamualaikum everyone :)))
today is saturday which suppose to be my sleep-all-day day,,hahah :D
no no, got to change that attitude :)
ehem ehem,
just wanna share my day today
I was pointed by puan salwani to be a facilitator erk, more to helper actually, for the MDAB's programme this morning,
there was 1 slot when the penceramah displayed a slide on stress management where there are many words on it such as stress, control, depression, dan banyak lagi. but, the word I saw it first was anxiety!
erk, apa yang aku risaukan ehh?
I really dont know what I anxieted about, hurmm..tanda2 stress tu!
yess!I do believe in this sort of psychological thiggy~
sebenarnya belajar psychology nie best tauu!we get to know many things that is related to our emotion and sometimes we can READ people :D heheh,,
erm erm, actually I wanna share a lil bit info about fast-track programme, but, it seems Allah is calling me sat,,dah Asar dah tu oii!erk~
I will compile all the information later on as soon as I got all the info clear by asking some expertise :D heheh,,

assalamualikum and till then~