assalamualaikum everyone :)
erm erm, there is so much thing to achieve in life,
sometime,
I just being cruel to myself for punishing herself when she can not get what she aimed for.
perhaps, it is just me who being greedy to get all things?
I do hold 2 pens at a time, because I believe every second from putting the pen to the table and pick it up when you need different colour will be so much waste,
I do my schedule with every single detail every morning on what to get during that day
I punish myself for something that I dont get when I've planned for it, but in return, I rewarded myself when I successfully get the thing
I do alot of motivation whenever I feel down by seeing succesful person, read their story
I always think thousand times whenever I'm about to spend my money although it is just for a meal
I dont simply do something without getting anything from it, in other word, there must be reasons by doing so
I think positively whenever friend back-stab me- they may have their reason by doing so
because, I have no time to think about something that are not significant to me
I never think of others, for me, the world is no such place for leisure.
we're running out of time, alot more to discover,
and the worst is, I keep holding on these words
"when you dont have the ability to get the victory on your own, use others weaknesses to grab it"
and,
"when I need something, by hook or by crook, I must have it in my hand, regardless the way I get it"
this thought developed me into such an arrogant, selfish, stingy, greedy and boring person. yes, I'm boring -_______-
my life is full of strategies tho I believe, Allah have set the best for me :)
maybe, the environment which I grew up thought me to act this way.
somehow, I might hurt others :(
but, this is the actual me.
walking in her own world thru success,
trying to get what she want without even care on what others might say. beyane~
but, we cannot make people the way we want them to be right?
all I can say is, I need someone who can walk beside me thru all the good and bad times.
it is the matter of friendship.
I envy the people who gone thru a smooth life like there will be no obstacle for them to succeed.
and I just wonder, when will be my time :')
and tho, I just need Allah to always be besides me :')
may all the decision made came with the bless from Him, insyaAllah
*actually, I have alot more to write, but some have been spit out to someone more than special :)
thanks Allah for giving me this such lesson :) I've learnt alot!
