tired of waiting!

okay, journey of the day, I just looking for any vacent job nearby,
yet, semua macam x best je :/
I got a work, at setiawangsa of course,
550 per month, from 11-8,
tapi kerja dia ta susa, jaga fotostat je,
but, dont you think its kinda boring?
kan kan kan? -____-
so enta laa, wanna try at SK2 jugak!
I hope I get a job as teacher there,,
hurmmmm, if it isnt so, kat klcc la nampaknyaa,,
it's not that I dont want to work at klcc,
their payment is quite good tauu, tapi, I was thinking about the other expenses incur in order to get there,
lrt from setiawangsa to klcc will take about rm1.6 if I'm not mistaken,
and, that is just 1 way,
1.6 x 2 way = 3.2
3.2 x 30days= 96!
96 x 2months= rm192!
it's quite a number kannn?!hahah, yes, saya kedekut! tapi dengan family ta kedekut ehh,
tadi I went to JJ AU2, treat my family pizza triple sensation. saja.sebab baru dapat kerja yang bergaji sebanyak rm550. hahahah..
like malay idiom said, dengar guruh di langit, air di tempayan dicurahkan :)
hurm, feel like want to call SK2 on monday if they need any guru ganti, kalau tidak, na try skola menengah.
so wish me luck :) eh tak tak, actually I prefer to use the term, "doakan ehh" instead of "wish me luck"
cause, we're muslim right ? :)
so, pray for me :) thanx in advance :)

zina

Allah tidak melarang kita untuk melakukan zina,
tetapi, Dia melarang kita untuk mendekati zina,
so, automatically, we wont do zina if we didnt come near it kan?
Islam is full of makna tersirat, you have to discover the meaning behind each word, not just the surface,
it's deep my dear :)

I can still remember when kak una, biro puteri 08/09 mrsm langkawi told us,
we have so many type of zina, and one of it is, zina hati,
I was very curious at that time, I thought zina is only having sex before nikah,
but, it's not only that fellow, zina hati, zina mata, zina apetah lagii. banyak.

and, sometimes, I'm one of it, doing zina hati semua,
astarfirullah hal'azim :( shame on me!
sedar tak sedar, I've done zina,, zina hati :'(

yes, it's quite hard to forget our past, where all the happiness is made, and you cant you cant simply forget the past just because you want to change to be a better servent to Him, it's quite challenging! but, insyaAllah, I seriously wanna be a better person. Oo Allah, please guide me to the right path"

yesterday I was thinking to start chating with a guy on facebook, cause I cant bear to lose him! it's been monthss since our last talk, I really like him. haihh, I just dont know why, but, hurmm...maybe it's just because of his name that makes me harder to forget another him. tapiiii, hurmmm...is this called love?
love doesnt need any reason why you love him or her. and so as me, I just dont know whay I like him, it's like, my heart beat stronger whenever I think of him, and, the same question followed, "is it him or him actually" yeah yeah, I keep reminding myself that it is zina hati cik ct! and, istghifar~ but, this situation keep repeating afterward. Ya Allah, when is it gong to over, I cant bear to do sins every time I think of him..
tapiiii, Alhamdullilah :) before I start to proceed with the plan , I found this. tapiii, am I strong enough to delete him? like seriously? hurmmmmm.....

planning

love? okay geli!
it's holiday guys! anddd,
I was thinking bout something to do within the holy,
so I wouldnt waste any more time at home
sleep all day long, disturb da sistah and of course gaining weight!
okay, I'm trying to apply a job as teacher,
but, since my primary school didnt need any teacher to replace those yang cuti bersalin,
so I want to try my luck at SK 2.
kali ini, with proper manner, attire, attitude and bla bla bla..
tapikan, tapikan, actually I really interested in teaching SK1 since it was my primary school, and ofcourse, it holds alot of memoir :') the place where I started to understand the importance of education :')
tapi, na buat cam mane, they dont need any teacher for the time being :(
so now, lets think of good thing in SK2, yeay!
~only one session which is morning session, so I can be at home atleast by asar :)
~they only have few students, so I dont have to worry if I cant handle them :)
............err, seems like only two :P
tapi kann,
err, never mind, let me keep the bad thing of teaching at SK2,, hurmmmmmmm :(
haih, ikhlaskan niat cik ct!you wanna help muslims in education, not just malay!-MUSLIM !

so, as the preparation, I have written the application form, resume's done (cause I just use the mock-interview kat maktab dulu punya kowt :P okay, rinduuuu mrsm langkaweeee !) and, the certificate have been arranged accordingly.
I hope that it isn't just hangat-hangat tahi ayam -___-"


p/s# syada masuk hosp. Dengue. please pray for her health, she's going to sit her SPM this year. tadi sengaja tease her, saying that, kat hosp banyak hantu, so you have to recover ASAP. dont look at the window, takot macik karipap selling karipap through the window ke kan :D dont skip meal, mknn hosp x sedap, tapi bersih, so makan je!and, if water level in the jar getting 100ml, tell the doctor so that she can add the NaOH alah *miss chemistry and cikgu mimi :') haihh, before she went to hosp tadi, I gave her Quran, yet mak marah!saying that it is not the time, hailahaila, I just give her incase she need sort of penenang jiwa ke kan -.- penat je karang ayat kat stick note and paste it inside the quran ! merajuk la cani ! -______-
#eh eh, the main point is just to tell you guys that my sis kat hosp, so doakan dia get well soon ehh :) thanx in advance :)

sangat rinduuuuuu :')

assalamualaikummm :)
hello there? how's your day?
me, alhamdullilah, except for accout paper just now :(
okay, just forget about it :/ life must go on :D
clubbing, ilang la 10syen sume tu =.="
*what I mean here is, dengar mp3 KUAT-KUAT :P
hurmmmmmmm,,
just now, yea!just now I called ezaaaaa :)
hurmm, maktabsick :(
telling her that I'm totally regret with my own choice,
tetibe teringat I got A for chemistry,
so, why dont I persue chemical enginering ke kan?
plus, I love physic, eventhough physic dapat B+
tapii, trial A :P
haih, I just dont know why I got B for spm -__-
okay, mende da lepas, so chill babeh :)
tadi jugak, I opened mrsmawian group on FB,
1 senior posted something, sort of kata2 semangat laa,
haihh, he repeatedly saying,
~those yang x brape na succeed, dont worry, SPM is not the end of everything, you still got another choice, upu semua tu,,so choose wisely, persue in what you interest in, then, you'll be happy doing it, work on it~
okay, after learning account, I feel like, my soul doesn't suit to it :(
account is like add maths, once you get balance, rasa macam na terbang bak kata cikgu ....*grrr!I forgot his name!alahai, ckgu addmaths form5, muka nampak garang gilerr, tapi bestt!I can still remember, the whole class get punishment from him sebab we didn't do the assignment given!buat sampai siap kat luar kelas, berdiri atas kerusi, jarak-jarak, luckily, floor tu form 5 je =.=" kalau x, malu je ngan junior2!hahah, and, the memoir is still fresh in my mind, bila cikgu treat all of us pizza satay by artisan :') terharuu :'") feel like crying noww!huhu...
hoping for a miracle~FAR 150 :/
how am I going to persue abroad if I didn't score on major subject kann?hurmm..
tadi on call with eza pown, talking bout studying abroad :')
huh!and, I just realized, we can get scholar when we studied there,
but, I have to complete the first year first, then, apply for MARA or JPA,
alahai, MARA wont neglect their alumni kann?hahah,
but now?I have to finish diploma first !
and, it took me 2 more yearssssss paham takk :''''(
okay, I dont care, dear cik ct, kau na fly kann?
yaAllah, kuatkan la semangat nie :')
erm erm, just now I SENGAJA la lagi kan, mendera perasaan,
stalk junior2, senior2 whose studying abroad, chatting with one of my senior at SMART
hoping that one day I will be among them :')
hurmmm,,the time will come, keep on praying yerk ;)

erm erm,
I dont know how to express this,
err, I do miss someone actually,
we only appreciate someone when they are apart from us right?
yeah, same as me here :(
confused!
I dont know whether I miss you or you actually,
ya Allah, seriously, this feeling is killing me -__-
eh takk takk, dear cik ct,,kau na fly kann?
okay, focus!
erm, I was thinking bout something!
the way that could make us together, I mean like before laa,
no hard feeling, xde na touching2 bagai,,
hahah :)
if only you could read this, I do miss you :/

mathematics

I'm not a good teacher :(
hurmm..it's exam season,
and, maths <3
people will ask me to teach them, yet, I'm nt good enough to be their mentor,,
I can still remember abang told me,
"eh, kau nie ain, jalan kerja pemalas!owg buat add maths sampai habis dua tiga helai paper, yet you finished it with only half of foolscape paper!pastu dpt full mark plak"
okay,,
look, I dont have a good working calculation,
I used to use my own concept to answer the question,
I generate my own formula so that I can have a verryyyy short working calculation
people will never understand my working :(
plus, with cakar ayam punya tulisan, lagi la dowg x paham!
*okay, feel like wanna go back to kindergarten -.-"
hurm, dear people, please dont expect me to teach you guys well, cause, you will not understand what the hell I'm talking about,,
entahh laa,,
I just love mathematics sooo much!

pretty little liar

it's hard to lie to yourself,
cause you know the truth, yet, pretending to ignore it,
I hate the fact that I love you
it's quite hard for me to forget those moment,
when we're together,
I like your character, eventhough some people call it as bajet =,="
and, I do feel now, we're moving sooo far apart.
as we never know each other before

and, I want you to come back :/
~kbai

I'm the second highest

praise to Allah :)
alhamdulillah :)
I got second highest carry mark for MGT 153, that's management in bussines,
eventhough it's like sejara subject cuz there is so much fact needs to be memorized,
yet, Alhamdulillah, I can score on that subject :)
sebab apa? cuz there is a word BUSSINES on the subject's name,,
I love bussines <3
and, that makes me realize, it's only my mind who tells me to hate sejarah,
I have the ability to memorize facts actually, all I have to do is, to love the subject and score them :)
erm, apa pun,
thank you Allah for giving me all this rezk,
but, somehow, I'm afraid that all this nikmat given by Him is just making me far apart from Him, nauzubillah :'(
harap-harap la tidak :'(
I keep on praying that as more nikmat I got from Him, the closer I get into Him, InsyaAllah :)
owh, lupa pulak,
I only got 33/40 for the carry mark, and the highest is 34,,tp , entah la, I dont satisfy with the mark actually, I believe I can do better.
hurmm, no worries cik ct :) you still got final paper :)
so strive for victory !

never finished

its kinda weird when people ask me,
"ain, have you done studying?"
err, I dont know how to answer because, as far as I know, I never stop learning,
so how can I finish studying?
everyday's journey is a process of learning,
we can never stop learning.

erm erm, I hope, one day education will fully conduct using ICT,
cause, I have a really really bad handwriting :'(
all my roomates are studying past year questions while I try sooo hard just to practise writing early in the morning :'(
they are all afraid of cant get the idea to write, but, me,afraid of the examiner cant read my handwriting :(
if only doraemon exist, I would ask for the time machine to go back to my kindergarten, learning how to write bulat-bulat.
actually, I can write better, but, my mind works so fast that my hand couldn't catch so that they walk together in vomitting the answer to the answer sheet. so, my hands need to write so fast that leads to totally bad handwriting :(


hey, it's exam season for university students !
so good luck peeps :)

kampung people vs alien

this post are not to dicsriminate any race, religion, skin color or male, female. this is just my thought, and I write what's my mind tells me..

okay, as you all know, I studied at Jengka, UiTM Khazanah Alam in deep. what I see is, there's mixture blend of students form many states, some from KL, Kelantan, Johor, and Pahang itself for sure.
most of my classmates are from Pahang-kuantan, temerloh, maran, jerantut and some from Jengka.
what I'm going to write is, I do feel awkward to suit myself here. of course, different background has limited our connection. like, hey!where is KLian?I need to share mory on KL's too! okay, enough, all KLian are hiding there place of origin because they are afraid of being isolate from the others.
erm, erm, actually,we can differentiate people where they come from. seriously! I dont know how but, kampung people usually go beyond the KLians. mana yang bajet-bajet KL tu, actually they are from kampung. eh eh!dont get mad! chill chill :)

okay, lets continue,
all KLians, what is your attire if you're going out to BB, mid, KLCC?
jeans, Tshirt and slipper is enough right?
okay, how bout, villegers?
dress, make up, high heels.
okay, not all of them are that way, but, this is common view if we go to those place kann?

even, here, kampung student always looks extravagant than KL people, they used to have branded item. and, showing off of course. whenever we ask them,
"hey, where did you bought them?"
"pavi laa, of course!It cant be at bundle shop kowt"
huh? -..-

if we're about to ask them to town,
"hey, lets have dinner at restaurant bla bla bla"
"huh?that disgusting place you invite me?KFC please..!"
durh~

and, it really2 makes me like vomitting when,
kampung people said,
"eyh!Jengka is soooo hoootttt!I hope they will provide us aircond in every room"
"eh, macam la bilek kau kat ruma ada aircond!grrr..negeri kau tu ary2 winter ke?"
you need little sacrifice to be a good learner, dont complaint much, instead, try to accept things.

and, what I hate the most is when outstanding people speaking in english, mesti kampung people was like, "euwwhh, bajet gileerrr"
perli2 semua tu,,
and, what I see here is, KLian need to put themselves as humble as they could to feel the acceptance here.

huh, what more? erm erm, I dont like people who pretend like he/she knows everything,
like,
D: A, I really hate her, she's definitely berlagak!is that true her mother is working as GM?
A: as far as I know, yes. and. I do feel that way, bajet!why?
*and, all of a sudden, kampung people interrupt,,
K: hello, GM JE kowt!
D and A just looking at each other, what the hell is K talking about?GM JEEE kowt?takk tahan dye bleh ckp JE, then, he ask,
K: why?is GM the highest hierarchy in ones company?
*durhh!you dont have to interrupt when the elder talks laa -..-

then, cell phone revolution is unbareable nowadays,
and, kampung people eagerly to have those, Iphone 4s, 5s, 6s, galaxy, tab, experia lah semua alah, when they see KLian use the old version one,- baling kat anjing pown mampus- sedap sedap kutuk! like hey, you spoil brad, big spender! you are finishing your dad ass!*eh eh, your dad money,,

look, I dont feel like spending my dad's money cause I dont like to show off to people my parent's wealth, their wealthy is because they work hard to get it. I have nothing, cuma sekadar menumpang disebalik harta ibu bapa :'(
I'm glad I was given a chance to live in their house, provide me the best education so that I can find my own in future :)
plus, I feel satisfied with things that I bought on my own money.
almaklumla, kedekut~kalau skali da keluarkan duit tu, kena jaga barang yang dibeli sebaik2nya, kalau tak, menyesal je berabis du8 =="

so, people, dont be a spoil brad :D those kampung people, this aint to condemn you, but, please change your mindset, your attitude.. you dont have to be extra gedik to suit with KLian because they are originally alien. keep your humble attitude or we might lost the perempuan melayu terakhir~ alien da teruk, takkan, kampung people pown na jadi teruk jugak ?

it starts!

I've tried playing it cool,
but when I'm looking at you,
I cant ever be brave,
cause you make my heart race
~liam payne, dedicated to exam as it is just drew nearer!

like seriously!
I'm not ready to sit for the final!
it makes my heart race!~payne
owhh!stop playig it cool cik ct! *eventho payne try to play it cool =="
just now, I emailed my BEL's lecture seeking her attention to mark my worst essay on
"university students do not spend time wisely"
I got the reply so veryyy soon!hahah, I didnt expect to get the feedback as this early!
whatever it is, I've got a little confident to sit for BEL260 paper :)
thanx miss fatin sabrina :)))
so, now, done revising BEL, tommorrow, I have to rebus CTU's notes since there are so much history fact bout tamadun2, haihh, why I didnt learn sejarah better during form 4? now, I have to memorize those fact again -.-
hey! I dont like sejarah much okay :P
I rather doing add maths or physic cause it's challenging!
creating your own fomula to get the answer,
yeah, yeah, I used to have different calculation than others because I use my own understanding to solve the problem :)
unlike, history, if you didnt boil the book and drink the water, you wont get the answer, you cant goreng the answer like, english, bahasa melayu or agama :P at least, math, you can ganerate your own formula, that's what I used to do laa :P
pluss, I dont have the patriotic spirit much to love sejarah,
yes, I admit, fight or flight? flight :D

cause you're the diamond

assalamualaikum everyone :)
let us talk about love
what love we have to search the most?
obviously, Allah's love
cause, I found this fact on fb,

and, that makes me realize, I have to put everything in Allah, He'll find the mr. right for me :) all that matter is you have to change yourself to be a good servant to Him :)

erm erm, girls, is there anyone of you who had never couple or being in a relatoinship before?

ermm, seems like one....two....three....four...OK, it still can be calculate,,

dear you, you dont have to worry :) dont ever feel like a loser *like what I used to feel before ==" because, actually, there's no use of being in a relationship with our bukan muhrim

cause,

first- you're just wasting your time, like,hello, you can still focus on your studies, getting 4 flat,good job. why you must spending your precious teenager's era to someone you're not confirm to be your spouse?

second- dear girls, please save your purity to your only future husband, cause he deserve the most. there is so much drama TV's on arrange married lately, isnt it sweet? marrying the guy you had never knew before. and the love starts blossom after the marriage <3 the time where you discover his gentle and the time you start to learn him, knowing his likes and dislikes. you got so much time to keep the marriage long lasting cause there so much to discover :') *somehow, I prefer my parents to find me a husband, cause, I only believe in my mum's choice :D and, I hope to marry a guy I had never knew before.

last but not least- it's haram! how can you get bless from Allah if you're doing vices? plus,there's no such islamic couple in Islam's dictionary. please all mujahidah, take a good care of yourself, dont simply get lose by sweet talks from guys. cause you're the most precious diamond in the world.

I believe woman can stand on her own cause you're incredibly great :)

and, lagi satu, I'm not anti-lelaki, but, it really hurts me to see woman being supressed by guys. and, dear guys, I will never give up if I have to confront you. just bear in your mind, I have a firm stance that makes me brave enough to face you. dont simply look down on women..!

eh, actually, I want to write bout

one direction

they are just soooo hoooottttt!

espacially............guess who?

hahah :P

ehh, chop! his, eyes, lip, cheek, eyebrow for most, is more likely as him :') haihh, dear heart,

mafi qalbi khoirullah - hanya Allah dihatiku :')

p/s# I just dont know! why it is so hard to forget you! liam payne, it is me who miss him too much sampai tengok muka u pown nampak macam dye? =,=" I'm trying to forget you laa!but why is it so hard huh?!and, payne, why you must appear in my life? to make me notice your face is like him?hahah!

judgment~ human vs Allah

assalamualaikum everyone :)
I hope you're just fine :)

what am I going to express in this time around is about judgment
the different between Allah's judgment and, human's judgment
this is what I think laa..

people always being worry about something they cant achieve in life,
like, didnt pass in exam, dont have a job and whatsoever things that mess him up,
since I havent open my book to study yet, so, me too. I'm afraid to sit the test since I;m not ready,
everyday's routine is, wake up for subuh, then, continue to sleep, youtube in the afternoon till midnight~
and then, before I sleep, I'll feel that, what a waste whole day!I didnt study anything, I hope for a better schedule tommorrow.
yetttt, tommorrow is just the same as yesterday :(
somehow I think, how Allah will reward me to get 4flat in exam if I didnt do any effort to achieve it?
Allah's judgment is based on our effort to get it.
the more we try to get it, the higher the probability to achieve it
basically, it's all about our effort, how and what we do to ensure the victory is in our hands
Allah will never blame you if you arent born as muslim, poor or even not intellligent
it doesnt matter in Allah's view, cause we're born this way ~lady gaga
the point is, what you do to overcome all the weaknesses and be the most successful person in entire life
and of course, you have to seek for His guidance the most so that you will be in the right path all way long.
even in the hereafter, the time when we're judge in front of Him, all our good deed and bad are being calculate He wont ask, did you become a millonaire or are you the most succesful person while youre on earth? surely not,
all He would ask is, what you did you become a millionaire, from where you get the money and for whom you spend to? what you do to be an intelligent person? what are your effort?
nahh, He wont judge you if youre not muslim guyz, yet, He will ask bout why did you dont seek for the true religion, the right doctrine.

so, how bout human's judgment then?
okay, human judgmental is based on the end part of it.
as in examination,,
they are all evaluating us based on the paper,,
if we got the answer right, then, we deserve the mark, but if we dont, you'll just dreaming of getting 4flat.
in SPM for example, people will first ask "hey, what did you get?" instead of "how did you get it?"
see?
when you want to apply for a shcolarship or university or even a job,
they wont ask you how did you only get straight Bs?
yet, they will said, "with only this level, you think you deserve the job?"
they will simply make their own judgment,saying that, the applicant is not suitable for the job
nahh, if you pass all the exam, people will be glad seeing the good achievement. they wont know how hard you've been struggling for to get those.
people will just see all the honey instead of the hardship you've gone thru in order to be at the highest mountian.
book of records,
they just immortalize the scene where you breaks the record, but not the problems you got to face behind it.

so people, we're glad that Allah dont judge us baesd on our final achievement, He is just seeing you effort to be a good servant of Him, so never give up! Allah is watching us up there, always seek for his guidance whenever you feel lost. good luck :)

misinterpretation

assalamualaikum everyone :)
I hope that you're just fine as me :)
I stayed up last night, ehh, I didnt sleep actually :D
doing what?
hahah, reading my own blog,
I would like to open my my blog to the world, so that, if there's some post that needs others opinion, who knows they can give view :)
so, there's so much thing needs to reveiw, 18sx, 13pg, or whatsoever cencor thiggy,
erm, erm, during the blogwalking, I read on this post and, guess what?
it's bout madnun !
the comment that he replied is actually a lyric of adele's song, someone like you!
andd, I've misinterprate his word as in he wants to really really let me go !
and, what daaa?? :O
and, Ive been too emotional for deleting him, while he doesnt mean all those words at all!
hahahah!
guyz, they never be serious -.-"
~anonymous

okay, as I woke up this afternoon, *since, I dont sleep last night
I called abah, just to hear his voice, and, his voice is better than yesterday :')
alhamdullilah :)
I hope he will be just fine there,

next, erm, erm,
please dont say that the mr. froggy is died!
alaaaaaa! all the plan that has been set up will be ruin!
we, me and waG, had planned to make a prank birthday party for ida since she have been too afraid of frogs!
please katak, hold on to your body hurmmmmm~

okay, now, lets open the book! study study ^^"
*and, I was just afraid, IF I might facethebook later -..-

too much

there are so much things to think about lately,,

haihh, the final is just around the corner, and, I did'nt open my book,,

haven't study anything yet !

hurm, this problem has ruin my mood to focus,

I'm just hoping for the good health of you, abah :')

insyaAllah,

dear cik ct, always remember this whenever you feel sad or down,

Allah will never burden His servant for something you cant bare to,

Allah knows you can face it, so, be strong !

seek for His guidance, then, you'll be on the right path :')

hurmm..

I used to recite Al-Ma'thurat when I was in MRSM langkawee before,

and, whenever it comes to surah Al-Baqarah 2: 286,

especially this sentance,

"La yukal lifullahunafsan illa wus 'aha"

I will repeat those words over times,

so as to remind me ,

Allah will NEVER burden His servant for something I can't bare to.

it makes me relax :) trust me !

how to make you feel the meaning inside each word of Quran is that,

you have to know the meaning, then, you'll get into it :')

*okay, what am I going to say actually?err,

okay, tadi!huh, just now, I called my abah,

and, I heard that, his voice is different :(

like, there is something blocking his throat from speaking,

haihh, IDK IDK,

maybe he's just doing that to gain symphaty from me,

I hope so :') he cant be sick for real !

Ya Allah, sihat kan lah abah :')

okay, enough of that,

other mory is,

I like to see your icon on my profile,

so, I dont have to stalk your profile to know whether you have changed your profile picture, ahah :D

silly lily :P

hurm, I just dont know laa,

it makes me excited to see your icon,

and, it makes me smile, knowing, you still care for me, ahah!perasan!

just, let it be :P I dont even care okay :P

biar lah budak ini nak berfantasi dalam dunianya sebentar :'P

so much problems lately, and,

that is the only thing could make me smile just for a moment,

please let me have those happiness,

by seeing your icon on my profile? harharhar,,

eventho I know, I just dont deserve those happiness :'(

during my childhood, I used to ask Allah,

is my born was just to be in sadness, to cry on every single day?I hope was never be birth if I was destinied to cry everyday, I feel like, happiness is far away from me,

I've cried alot in my childhood,

since my mum is a very strict mother,

she would beat me for any wrong thing I did,,hahah..

now, I do realize, she was just want me to be someone :')

sometimes, I feel afraid of being happy, like overdose, cause, I might cry in future,

yes, its really happen,,

kusangkakan hujan sampai ke petang, rupanya panas di tengahari~

but, can I be the happiest girl in the world now, since I've gone through those dark era in my childhood, I've cried alot. and, when is my happy stage in life? is it, I just dont deserve those happiness in life?? :'(

hurmmm, I've been thinking alot !

if you could operate my brain,you might see betapa berserabutnya otak budak nie -.-

dear Allah, let me have a piece of happiness in life,
and the happiest thing is, I can see my parents alive with the best health condition,
let me have all their sickness they suppose to have, and, You can give all the happiness in life that I deserve to, to them, I'm willing to bear those illness, as long as, I could see them happy, seriously, I do mean it ya Allah :') and, now, I can accept the destiny that, I was born to be a candle, to light them up, but, burning my own, I dont mind at all, as long as, it was just to make them happy cause I just dont deserve other happiness than seeing my parents alive...


*haih, the writing is bit porengge cuz, I just write whatever that cross my mind, and seriously, I'm really depressed :'((( and this is the only site to express what I feel at the moment :') thanx mr. bloggie for being so loyal to hear all my doce e azedo in life~

worried

no wonder he looks upset lately :(
the result for medical check up had came out this morning, andd,
from the test conducted,
he had a bit diabetes, and, cholesterol for 8.something,,
hurmm...
he had oat for supper every night, but, how come the cholesterol level didnt fall?
weird :/
okay, then, I search things bout kencing manis as in diabetes on internet,
and, I've text him on what do's and dont,,
please obey the rules abah!cuz I love you soo muchh!
I cant be at home to take care of your meal all the time, since I have another mission to complete here,
all I can do is just pray for your health every second I eventually remembered you :')
you have to take care of your health! ingat tuu!haihh, macam la abah ada depan mata sekarang yang kau pi ckp camni cik ct oi!hurmmm...
btw, the second test will be coming out on 5th apr. I hope for a better result :) insyaAllah :) do pray for my abah :') I really appreciate it :) thanx in advanced :)

ermm, talking bout do'a, I have something to share here
seriously, towards the end, the ending is sooo unexpected :')
I even cry :')
so, what I can conclude here is,
do pray for others, who knows, your do'a has made their wish come true,
so as you my dearest friend :)

confession

what inspire me to update my blog is, just now, I opened my facebook, and, ion post a blog link. IDK what her purpose of doing that,*to make me more maktabsick I guess ;D
but I found something interesting to share here :)
I've wasted my eve to read every single entry on his blog! but, worth it ;)
and, I think I know one of his friend too, since he's taking engine foundation in PALAM
anas? sounds familiar ?
okay, IDK how far the truth but, I'll find out. so ion, melepas la anda kerana saya akan merampas addin dulu! *erk?
okay, just ignore that :D
hurmm, his writing is more to his journey in life-diary.
and there's I post that I'm interest in.
split~
okay, I thought I'm the only person who feel that way.
I didnt tell anybody that I have split personality, afraid of they might think I'm crazy I guess?
urmmm ?
do you ever cross this such feeling in life?
when you feel sad, anger or down, there's someone whisper in your ears to console you- *sigh
maybe for kids, it is natural phenomena to have sort of kawan ghaib,like, only he or she can see the "kawan ghaib" talk to them, or even play with them. but, for a teenagers?weird huh?do you have one? I do- *sigh lagi
and, surprisingly, I'm not the only person who have it, since addin's too :D
okay, we're on the same boat.
plus, I even talk to him whenever I'm alone. like, people might see me talking alone, but, the truth is, I'm talking to my kawan ghaib. *err, okay, rasanya selepas buat confession nie, ramai yg unfriend kat fb or suggest me to register in Tg. Rambutan~ I dont even care okay :P hahah, true friend never complaint her friend's weakness :P
back to our mory~
whenever I speaks english like so-matsalleh-celop, I feel that, it is not me!
I dont know how to speak fluently like seriously!
whenever someone provoke me to speak in english, then, the word comes easily from my mouth. its like, someone had fused into me to speak for me. I'm not brave enough to confront them laa..
look, kalau in daily life, I dont even know how to speak well okay. its like, someone need to provoke me then :)
I thing that I realize is, I work in my very best with little presure injected :)
huh!lagi, its only happen when I have to speak english je laa, *perhaps, my split comes from US? hahah, whatever it is, thanx split, for helping me whenever I have to confront those bloody sh*t. astaga~ shit xpe kan?
okay, enough of that spilt.

second confession is,
I have a weird habitat, err, habit :P
I love to see my mum and dad sleep. *positive thingking okay!
I love to hear their snore.
whenever I see they sleep silently snorely, it makes me stay calm. bile berhenti berdengkur je mesti ain cepat2 pandang perut mereka..yes, it is true, snoring are not good for our health. but I love to hear it.
plus, when I see perut berombak, err, how to say, err, dada turun naik turun naik sebab bernafas? paham?
it's so relaxing :)
atleast I know, they are still alive eventhough they are sleeping at that 'oment. and their snore makes me feel, how they work so hard to feed me, to fulfil my needs. I have to study harder! I must pay them back eventhough all the hardship they face in order to rise me will never paid. but, still, I have to make them proud!

third confession is,
I loveeeee to cook!
seriously!I love to cook!
you can ask me to cook anything. as long as you buy the things laa.
I can stay in the kitchen for the whole day cooking or baking, cause I just love it!
kadang-kadang tu, I used to cook so much food sampai da xde sape na makan :(
erm, to my future husband, you have to prepare yourself :D you kena suka makan sebab i suka masak :D
it's good to see those happy face eating the dish you cook :)
that's why I'm chomel, when there is no one to eat those dish, I have to eat it :P hahah, alasan semata2 :P
I love to help my mum in the kitchen. tapi kalau kemas rumah, sapu lantai ke hape, MALASNYAAA laa..hahah,,suro masak xpe :)

forth confession,
I dont like to do things repeatedly, like, kemas ruma, nanty bersepah balek, mandi, nnty kotor balek.
if cooking, after you cook, you will eat them, then, process, then, toilet*
no repeated things kan?hahah..
I only bath if there is a needed, like, going to class, hangout with friends, if I just staying at home, then , jangan harap la mandi. hurmm, bila la na beruba cik kambing?hahahah..

fifth confession,
I used to think out of the box.
okay, ordinary people might think only on the surface. but not me!
I've been thinking too much in life.
sebab tu beruban!hahah..
like, if you saw accident, what will you think?kesian..then?
okay, I think of, what might be the cause, is it enough blood in the blood bank to save their life, did they took insurance, what if they died, whose going to take care of their family?macam2 laa..
even, dalam kelas pown!
I can still remember, the day when ustaz do a revision with us,
ustaz said, some answer are predictable, like,
which of the following are not fruit?
a. mangosteen
b. rambutan
c. cucumber
d. chairs
all of my classmate say the answer is D.
okay, if you read the suggested answer one by one, you could find the mistake, but what if, you hear the question spontanously?
could you find the mistake?
did you realize that cucumber are not fruit?it's vegetables,,
I replied as, there's 2 answer for the question because, cucumber aint fruit.
then only the classmate sees the mistake."yeeaahh!" "ha'ah laaa" "btol laa"
ustaz juga :) then he said, bagus awak, berfikir panjang! ahah :P

sixth confession
I can hardly forget my past.
yes, it is good to move on. but, it is hard for me to suit myself in the new environment like seriously!
when I was in MRSM langkawee, I used to think, if and only if I didnt go to mrsm, I could be the most popular girl in SMART, everybody will look for me to teach them maths or add maths, teachers would ask me to be mentors for every subject. I will be the most genius person in SMART. at last, I fit into it :) I love to live in that pulau :')
then, era PLKN, I hate to live in that pusat penderaan, budak2 kat maktab je tau betapa ain menangis 2 weeks to accept the fate that Ive been selected. when I was in PLKN, betapa ain nak sangat era maktab, at last, I survived there :) alhamdullilah :)
then, era UiTM, still, I really hopes that I could have the time machines to go back to MRSM langkawee. okay, itu pasal pelajaran, how bout love?
seriously, it's hard to forget my first love :(
eventhough I was only 11 on that time!
dont you dare to say cinta monyet okay!hahah,
you dont know how much I love him.
he has opend my mind to see the bright side of life, how can I forget him?
whenever someone comes to my life, I really hope that, he will be just like you :')
yes! it's hard for me to forget you kyle
*hahah, it's his name, since they have more or less the same adored face :'D
matt dallas is ohhsem!

seventh confession,
I'm soooo stingy!
dont you ever dream me to treat you if there's no udang disebalik batu. hahah,
I really mind if people want to borow my things like, eraser, pens, pencil, glue. cause it will finish! kalau na pinjam ruler, sharpener no offences, sebab ianya takk kan habez..hahah, I fact, if I was about to buy a dress for my own pown berkira! I would rather choose the low cost one. My principle is, once the money get in to bank, they will never come out! hahah..betapa kedekutnya~ but, I'm very generous in treating my family, mcD, satay, secret recipe semua alah. but, only for my family and for food :P hahah..syada and sara dont have to worry if they might face starving for food, cause, as long as kaklong ada, kau semua takk kan kebulur lah!hahah..
　
eighth confession,
I love speed!
haihh, my dad never exceed the limit when he's driving!
as in in highway, he would rather be on the middle lane,
and, he never got ticket on speeding!
haihh, kalau jalan jauh tu, rasa na take over the car and speed laju2 je!
and, I feel like sangat2 la tercabar seeing kereta yang lagi lemah tahap engine memintasi mine,
feel like a loser tau takk -.-
so dear boyfie, do speed!
*and, I like drift too ^.^ sangat smarttttt like seriously!

other reveal will be coming up soon :)

doa senjata umat islam :')

haihh, I dont know why, but, I used to think bout death lately :(
fikir yang bukan2 je :'(
abah ?
haihh, IDK IDK!
it starts when abah offered me to take driving class. then, just now, abah cakap,
"kaklong, you have to take driving class cause, abah will go to india for a week nanty, and, no one can fetch you and your sisters to go anywhere, cause mak been too afraid to drive. just see your makcik after his husband died dulu, she have to take care of everything bout her family, it's hard to survive when you got no lisence nowadays"
like, what?
hey!abah will go to india JUST for a week okay ! we can go to anywhere by taxi, lrt or bus if mak is too afraid to drive! besides, I will always accompany mak to fetch syada and sara from school or tuition. you dont have to think bout us here,
andd, it become worst when he further add up, "you have to take care of our family since you're the eldest"
NO ! I dont want to take care of our family! I dont want to :'"( it's your obligation to take care of us!
you cannot die! you have to still alive to take care of us cause I'm not going to take care of them without you!
and, lagi, the day when I wnet back home, I said to him, "abah, shave yr mustache, you looks older tau, and, uban tu, tolong la inai rambut! seriously, you looks older.." then he simply say, "I am older now, 51 already" huh? he is? macam tak percaya je :( I only hopes that he will just be 30th forever. dear abah, you're not old yet :') kaklong takk kawen lagi, abah mane boleh tua, cause, only grandfather can be labelled as tua.. please pray for my abah ehh :''( he will not going to die before me :'( cause I really need him by my side :') I have nobody else than him :'( and, do pray for my mum too :') I have nobody else than my parents :'(

Ya, Allah, please dont take abah and mak before I send them to mekkah to perfom haji by my own money :')
please ya Allah, I only have you to fulfil my do'a. I have nobody else in this world other than abah, mak, syada and sara. please dont take them from me. cause I dont know how to face the life without them :'(
InsyaAllah, abah akan panjang umur, murah rezeki, kaklong doakan :') hurmmm..
*okay, stop crying cik ct!

assalamualaikum semuaa :)
I watch a video just now,
bout ustaz Don giving his speach on syarat pakai tudung
what I would like to know is,
is it okay to wear alas meja (pashmina)and all that as tudung?
so the answer is yes :)
Muhammad SAW never limit the type of scarf to wear as long as it complete these 4.
tutup dada, x jarang or ketat, tutup bhgn depan till bahu.
somehow I think that rupanya there's alot thiggy to change :'(
where can I find those tudung labuh?
I cant remember when, but, waG did ask me,
"if some guy ask me to change like, pakai tudung labuh semua alah, would I mind?"
I answered it "no"cause I always been thinking to wear those muslimah pakaian.
but nobody encourage me to do so,
cause I dont want people to have sort of culture shock
as if they live in tanah arab ke kan?
so, if one day ask me "hey, ain, why you wear this kelambu"
I can simply answer, "cause he want it that way"
hence, they wouldnt judge me as alim2 kucing ke kan?
let they think as I want to change cause of him,
not by my willingness itself eventough it is..
arghh, I dont know, is it me who think too much bout what people would say?
haihh, actually, there's alot of mory to share,
but, my eye is too sleepy and, tommorrow,
I have to accompany my mum to send syada and sara to school
since she's too scared to drive alone.
and I have to have a proper attire to meet the teachers as well as to ask them if there is any needed for cikgu ganti sementara, because I'm looking for any vacant job as teacher for this upcoming semester break :)
tapiiii :'(  just now abah offered if I like to have driving class on this sem break.
alahai, rugi pulak kalau tolak :'(
but I already have my own plan laa abah :')
tp kaklong na jugak amek class tu :(
so howwww???hurmm..

bila kita berhenti berharap,

mende yg kita na tu akan sniri melutut depan kita kan?

tyme I was too eager to have driving license, abah takk bagi, bahaya la, kaki kaklong pendek takot x sampai padel la, takut bawak laju laa, accident la. but noww??haihh..

eh, one more thing, I found this fact on facebook,
jangan cabut uban dikepala sebab uban tu la yg akan menerangi alam akhirat kita nanti
and what I like to share here  is, dulu my mum always force me to cabut uban dye eventhough I resist! hahah..sampai this idea cross my mind, I would like to be a scientist cause I want to build a machine like comb that anti-uban, whenever the comb attracted to those uban, it will gugurkan sendiri uban2 tu. sebab, penat tau x na cabut uban kat kepala without using the caliper ?! but now, I have the concrete excuse utk mengelak cabut uban sesiapa sahaja :D hahah..