what would I be?

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

hi everyone :) it has been a looonnnggggg time no see huh?

final sem is giving me a very tough and complicated and anddd pressure timee -.-

I have to get myself already all the time. tking every chances, building the route to my future.

no more wrong steps.

everything must be perfect.

seeking all opportunity to build up a desireable life in the future.

10 year from now,

what would I be?

istiadat konvokesyen uitm pahang

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :')

allahu!today is a bigg day for uitm pahang!
istiadat konvokesyen ke-79
jawatankuasa fotografi!cewahh :P
it was totally a hectic day though..
the first sidang was for faculty of accountancy and I, without wasting any opportunity to meet the long lost seniorita! taking couple of shot with kak zatul, kak nina, kak ayu and kak ohara ANC!Allahu!I cant hold the tears. sebak. I wish my parent can see me wearing that selempang :')

having chat with kak ohara about ACCA, she gave me some advice, the do's and dont's, tips. Allah! , how I wish I can be that strong! she said, despite from all the family problem with health, she herself pun, but still, she knows what she wants and strive for it.

"dont compete with someone who is better than you, but compete with yourself. you'll feel less presure"

okayy sis!noted!do pray for my success too :')
hurmm, I couldnt transfer the pictures taken using my phone since I dont have the usb cable.
promise to upload it soon :')

haa!lagi satu!
the way the convocation held was sebijik like my majlis graduasi when I was in MRSM Langkawi :')
air mata bergenang masa perarakan masuk graduan, all the dean and pro chancelor. no kidding! sebab the flow was seriously similar with our majlis graduasi back in maktab :'S andd, lagi sekali tear drops masa they play the "anak kecil main api" punya lagu tu. I just dont know why, every time I hear that song, mesti hati rasa sebak, the lyrics is so deep. you got to understand every line of the lyric. then you'll know how I feel. plus, maybe that song was a must during our rollcall back in mrsm langkawi. we'll sing that song every morning dengan tajwid yang betul tahu! pak said yang ajar :')
arghhh!I miss all those thing in maktab. even masa menaip ni pun mata dah bergenang dah ni :'( if I could turn back time :'( Allahu!

better to stop now, sebelum lappy ni terkena electric shot sebab terkena titisan air mata -.-"

till then :)

malam raya punya cerita

bismillahirahmanirahim and asslaamualaikum everyone!

hello hey hi!
haa, na ceritaa!
I just called abang tadi :')
kat sana still on fasting, but, probably dah berbuka lah now,
he just went back from grocery, buying some stuff to cook rendang.
"kau buat apa tu?"
"den baru balek kedai ni, beli barang2 na buat rendang"
"haa?pandai ke kau masak?"
"haa, boleh la sikit2"
"kau lepak malaysian hall lah esok?"
"takk ah, den keja esok, kat sini xdenya na cuti2 mcm kat malaysia tu"
"woah!tripple la kau dpt nie?"
"tak ahh, den buat voluntary work je nie huh,"
"owhh, btw, kuih kegemaran kau ada nie huh, umi siap masak nasi beriyani nasi tomato sbagai nie"
"eleh kau x den heran nye der, kat sini pun rasa jugak sambutan raya nya"

*okay to be truth, den yang jeles kat kau tahu! I wish I were in his shoe :'( tak pe cik ct. raya kali nie last kau ada kat malaysiaa, next year is my turnn!

then then, we went to ulu kelang, searching for lemang, and ketupat, and lontong.
since mak dont like the boiled nasi impit sebab, it is wrapped with plastics, so we prefered to buy lontong. yes, beli yea, xde masanya na mengayam bagai. #bajet keyy ell :P

and other mory is,
saya rindu abang !
eh tak, bukan bukan,
other mory is,
I'm happy!smile me smile me :)))
I got a text message from him :D haa, you make my heart melt!
thanx though :') thanx sangatt, cheering me in your own way. I know you're sweet! ahh :P
cant stop smiling lah pulakk! hahah~

okay, tukar cerita laen before me getting insane!

haa! my wish for this raya is, dear mr stomach, please enlarge now, I have to make preparation for tommorrow, all the good food are waiting for me, I just cant simply ignore them laying on the table tastefully. tadi after berbuka, makan sikit pun dah kenyang macam makan 10 ekor kerbau!cemana esok? or maybe I can skip herbalife for one day like pleaseeee :') but nayy!people are starring at mom mcm dah kurus sngt je gayanya! this is not aci! I starts consuming herbalife dulu hokeyh!hurmm,
or maybe I can get external stomach for tomoro? harharhar~

and, guess what, I'm currently mentoring abang cooking rendang!huhu :'( and so much other gossip.
abang told me that he's doing some charity work, nursing kids kat sana. age between 2-6 cmtu, and those kids sangat manja dengan dia! ahh, pentipu! he's not that mercy towards kids, WORLD HAS COME TO AN END lah jawabnya~hahahah,,
andd, much more other gossip kat facebook :(including his wish to mengumpat esok. sebab, it's our routine on every first syawal to lepak together, catch up cerita masing2 as well as mengumpat! tapi, no more this time punya raya :'(
den datang sheffield lah cmtu? harharhar #lawak hambar~

till then :')

interupted daydream

bismilahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

hi mr bloggie :')
I feel like this is the only place for me to express my feelings,
this is where I can criticize, comment or giving opinion *insulting sometimes :P
the place where I feel relief after posting some unsound feeling :'(

tadi kann, I berangan berangan berangan~
I was dreaming about this one guy, entah macam mana, setiap kali pandang muka dia I rasa tenang -.-" yeah, shouldnt feel such way! holy crap! it's too early to fall into love again~we know each other through peers club I joined, semester lepas. and, banyak jugak volunteering work we did together. macam tadi, I helped UKK in handling MDAB programme, I tought I was the only one who came, rupanya dia pun ada jugak :D semangat buat kerja!heheh, jkjk :P ceritanya pasal berangan tu, tetiba angan2 itu di interupt oleh this someone that I deadly want to forget!! all the sweet moment together ws like being rewind. reminising some old good times together pulak! ya Allah, I seriously want to forget him, please ya Allah :'( terus I cuba ingat those bad moment when I was with him, saat menyakinkan hati, benci, gaduh, semua tu. but I ended up crying alone. yes, pitiful me :'(

* I was about to label the post, tapi entah kenapa 'LOVE' really doesnt suit this post :s trying so damn hard to forget!

no more you

bismilahirahanirahim and asslamualaikum :')

it has been so long since my last updates
I got a room somewhere in blok K, well, blok paling hujung, terasa ke-senior-an nyaa -____-"

sebenarnya, I'm kinda missing somebody :')

ahh!macam mana nak cakap entah, everytime I think about him, I will pray to Allah, "if he's not meant for me, then keep my heart from remembering him, I'm trying to save my heart to the only one who deserve"

terasa susah sebenarnya :'(

this is my second time :(

andd, I;m not opening my heart for anyone after this!

especially someone with his name.

it kills me. twice. I've had enough.

if I can make a request to Allah, I dont want to ever meet anyone with his name dah lepas nie.
but, one thing you should know, it's never a regret knowing you :') thanx for everything :') betapa I nak buang dia dari hidup I hari tu sampai dia lalu sebelah pun I tak jeling kat dia, acting as if he's invisible though I know he's next to me :'( dear cik ct, tolong lah jaga hati kau tu!may Allah help me :')

erm, lagi, saya rindu maktab, budak2nya, environmentnya, everything! everything in mrsm langkawi!

homecoming - JENGKA

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

it's 2am now, trying to not sleep as I planned to go back to Jengka at 5am today,
well yeah, THIS TIME IS SPARTAA!
hahahahaha!
the result is still ambiguos!we, part 5 students are not given the final said. entah dapat kolej ke tidak lagi sem ni :(
tapii!I dont really care pun if ever I tak dapat bilik, sebab, rumah sewa menanti, I got a great deals too ;)
rm150 including all bills :) fully furnished
and, the transport are always available :D
so, nothing much to worry :)
ehem ehem,
ermm, I've no idea to write dahh -________-
as for this upcoming semester, I dont want to play around. the battle is still on babeh!hahah,
dulu I've once chat with a friend in sri iskandar,
asking about pursuing degree abroad, and, I'm lucky that dia tidak lokek ilmu :)
habis segalanya yang dia tahu dia beritahu!
tapi, there was a time when I feel that the programme is impossible for me. dia cakap, sri iskandar setiap sem pun ada yang 4flat! goshhh!I rasa kerdil sangat :( and, out of a sudden, I feel like the competition is quite tough! semangat I hilang entah kemana :(\
tapi, after having a conversation with a senior from mrsm langkawee, semangat I menaik balik!
I dont care what is going to happen this sem. I just want to ignore those shit and focus on my studies!
he's our role model now, he got anc for his diploma :') kena lawan niii!

I hereby, make a promise to study really hard to ensure the 4flatt! setiap sem pun x pernah dapat :( I want to atleast get a 4flat during diploma, and this is the right time. semester 5. since 5 is my favourite number ;D

doakann sayaaaa ehh???~

nazar yang memakan diri

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

I'm in bigg trouble !
okay, the truth is,me myself who dig my own grave on the first place -_____-"

okay, in islam, we have a sort of promise, so-called nazar. which means, a promise to Allah,
once He had grant your wish, then you have to fulfil your promise towards Him,
okay, what is it called 'nazar yang memakan diri', is that, I mati-mati tak percaya I will get it, so, I made a nazar, sebab, I'm tired, tired of getting the same result no matter how much my effort was. terukkannn :(
begini,
I was definitely sure that, I will never get an A for my account paper,
sebab, I had once get high carrymarks, but in the end, the result wont make any different.
still, I got B for my account paper. so, I was like giving up -_-"

when I was in first semester,I got the lowest carrymark for that subject. praise to Allah ! it doesnt make me weak :) alhamdulillah,miracle happen. I manage to get A- in the end. masa tu terkejut gilaa! I must have gotten fullmark for my finals ! hehe..

when I was in second semester, I got a high carrymarks, but, pathetically, the final paper wasnt that easy for me. mungkin sebab I was too confident that I will get an A for my final, sebab dulu carrymark pun the lowest, still boleh dapat A, apatah lagi kalau carrymark tinggi kann? the paranoia me~ sekali takk :'( the same thing goes when I was in 3rd semester, I like the subject, I'm energatic, confident and positive. sebab I want to pursue fast track. tapi, walau sekuat mana I usaha, seems like account isnt for me :'( I got B+ for that subject.

hence, so, jadi, I was like giving up. dengan riak takbur sombongnya, I bernazar, if ever I got an A, alteast A- lahh let say kann, I will treat anybody who involves in the making of 'that A' . sebab, I was pretty sure I will definitely never get A ! never !

sekali, the reveal day comes! (dah macam clean house da -.-) okayy, I opened up my email, and., here we go :) I got A- for my account paper!yeayyy nayyy -.-" told someone about the result, and got back the reminder, how about yr nazar cik ct? -.-" okay okay, how am I suppose to do meyh :(

okayy, lets just fulfil it right :)

cumaa, erm, I dont know how -_____- sebab, ramaiii kowttt!hahah~

okayy,lagi mory nyaa,
I used to get closed with somebody, a guy obviously.
and, everything seems so easy that time, cuma, there was a mistake that I would never expect it to be this serious until we became a stranger to each other.
as time flies, our life goes on, pretending that it wont give any impact to my life. despite how much I still want the old him. I heard he's now a succeeded man :) alhamdullilah, you get your life back when we were apart. and I, declining the stairs of victory, it seems like, you dont need me to succeed, but I do. kann? lame me talking nonsense :') entah macam mana, tiba-tiba, we get back together, and, during that time, I was about to leave. seeing your achievements make me envy you the most. and, it's better for me to leave. I tried so much to create the most meaningful memory during my last time being there. so, when I leave, I have something to reminisce for. I think that, the best solution for us is, to be far apart from each other.. and, for me, I believe, there is something huge waiting for me out there. okayy cukup. and guess what, as we be friend again, he lost focus. and I think, I'm the factor :/ we should never be together I guess :/ despite how much I still need you as my friend because, I see me inside you~ cuma, I dont want you to keep failing :/ *******

there is only 1 mission

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

ehem ehem,
if I have an opportunity to ask anything I want, and , for sure, I'll be granted for it,
I really, really want to go somewhere in US or aussie to do my bachelor,

and, IF I have to sacrifice anything of my belonging, I will definately let go of it.
seriously!
yes, I'm willing to sacrifice anything to get what I want,
and, it's proven. based on my experiance back when I was young.
I pernah lepaskan jawatan, pangkat, kedudukan,enjoyness ( such a typical dramatic budak ni~ )
but, it's serious.
dulu, I was eager to go to boarding school. infact, I've already got everything in my previous school which is SMART. I'm pengawas koperasi, dealing with money, holding a possition, liked by teachers, one of the best student(kononlahh kan), best friendss, active in kawad, that teacher susan want me to hold an important position jugak la dalam organizational chart of BSMM. secured life.  kalau na difikirkan, what else do I look for, right? I have everything.
tapi, I left those, for the thing that I really want, which is to go to a boarding school. taking risk !
yes, I know, what if, I cant survive there, people said that hostel life is tough. dah la langkawee tu jaoh ! but,since I eager to further my studies there, I kuatkan semangat. for me, there is no point of return once I step into my mission. if I want something, I definately will go for it. nothing can stop me !

sampailah sekarang,
abah pernah offered me to take a driving class, but I resist. since I'm not intrested in driving.
entah, macam malas, I rather take a public transport to go anywhere around KL.
gadget gadget gadget.
I'm not interested in any of it.
let it be, samsung, nokia, BB, apple, macbook or whatsoever sophisticated gadget, it wont buy me :P
I just wanna further my studies abroad :') pleaseee~

*honestly, I'm writing this because I get sicked when people always ask me why am I still using the old+lame+not-so-wow stuff as if I ni sengkek sangat x berduit na beli. and, yes, I muak dengan orang yang asyik dengan material, sampai lupa dia tu menghabiskan harta mak ayah. I can see that most of my friend in Jengka are that type, looking someone elses wealth, kaya, porpular, adik retis, itu yang dipandang tinggi. iyanya memualkan! sampailah satu ketika, I pernah SENGAJA menyepahkan slip baki akaun lepas withdraw duit tu atas meja to show to my roomates that I'm not that papa kedana x mampu na beli those good phones. jadi selepas ini, sila jangan bertanya kenapa ain tidak menukar handphone or lappy, or camera, or apa-apa sahaja.

 s.e.k.i.a.n.

He always have something :')

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamalaikum :)

alhamdullilah, thank you Allah !
thank you sangat sangat :')

yes, maybe Allah dont grant you something that you really hopes for, but, in return, He gives you something else :)

I dah macam na sujud syukur, and text all the lectures that had contribute all their effort to teach me regardless it's 1.39am!
and, suddenly I stopped, kalau iyaa pun gembira, jangan la na menggangu masa tidur orang kann, hehe,,

ya Allah, okay, nazar is still gonna be nazar,
I promised to Allah to donate any book that I got an A for that subject,
but, suddenly I feel so happy, that I want to simply give all the books to my junior !
ahh, I dont feel sleepy now :')
I'm just too happy,
may this success comes with bless from Allah :')

owh, yes, not to forget, all 'le classmates yang dah bersusah payah mengajar budak yang susah nak diajar ni :')
without those stressness, hard life that making me even tough than before, I truly wont come to this stage,(ahh, macam lah dah secure the most precious victory kann -.-") tapi, thanx sesangat !
to lectures, cikgu, mentor, mantee, study groupmates, classmates, senior, junior, PEERS of course!
but, most of all, thank you to mak and abah for praying the best for me :)
ahh :'( what else should I ask . having all these is just too much for me :')
thank you Allah :')
thank you sangat2 :')

I'm not ready YET

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :D
ahh, what a real freedom !
abah tegur, I'm like owl, awake at night but sleep in the day,heheh, used too abah -.-"

gotta change that !
okay2,

I planned to find a job :)
saja na gain more experiance,
well, working teaches me the things I cant find in class,
it's about live,
kalau dulu, I like to condemn people, judge them, slacking of course,
tapi, since I worked as cashier at AEON, I learnt to be more polite, be nice to people, eventhough I dont know them,
and, alhamdullilah, I've changed ever since :)
so, tadi I went to AEON again, to fill in the application form, hope to get the reply as soon as possible. tak larat dah na makan tidur makan tidur kat rumah nie -.-"
in other word, I manage to avoid eating all the time, boleh kurus maybe :| kononlahh kann,

pastu, na mory nie,
regarding this post , hurmm :(
I just dont know why am I keep thinking of him :'(
ya Allah, I really really really truly wanna forget him :'(
but out of a sudden, he came across my mind ! (I wonder if he feel the same -.-")
the moment when he said the 3 magical word struck my mind -.-"
how can I forget you when you had create so much memory that cant be forgotten :(
how I wish I never know you, must be lil bit easier for me to focus on my studies though, kononlah kann,,
ya Allah, if he's the one, show us the right way by not commiting sins, I want a blessed marriage :'D heheh,,
dah kenapa fikir pasal kawin pulak -______-"
need to stay FOCUS !
owh, by the way, I've packed things to bring to jengka for next sem !
semangattttt kan :D
tak sabar to really start the new life, and act like a real student ! I mean, how exactly student should live. saya mahu mengondol 4 flat sem depan ! kononlahh kan, hey!pray for me though! heheh,,

ending of SEM 4 :(

bismilahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

and I hereby, proudly announce that,
SEM BREAK STARTS NOWWWW :D
ahh, finally, I can get rid of these crapiness, bulshitness, and all the negativity.
rasa na menangiss :'(

ahh, okay, I finally homie :D
goooddddd to be home !

okay, na cerita nie,
on thursday, the day before account paper,
we studied together,
I feel bad for not helping fatin though, she ask me to teach her account, but, I put so many excuse, that she might think, I dont want to help her, but, truly, I'm not..
I seriously love to teach my friend, helping them in academic, but there will be so much rules they have to follow, such as, I dont want to study with people that I'm not used to. tapi dia, she wanted to invite ida, it's not that I'm not used to ida, cuma, I cant study with someone I cant be with. owh, sila la faham -.-" well, if you want to study, surely u have someone you comfortable with kan? so do I :)
and I cant study with ida.
okayy,
on thursday, me, ilaa and bella, studied together. while mat and faizul havent arrived yet, they have MAF in the morning and will be joining us in the afternoon..
ceritanya begini,
I ask bella to teach me cashflow, but she said, she dont really master in that topic, so, we make up a decision that is to invite the bigg boss to guide us :)
I called madam if she is available during that time to guide us in answering the question.
alhamdullilah, madam free :)
she's willing to come to the library and meet us :)
pastu, sedihnyaa,
my classmate, I mean the girls,
are like, being x puas hati, sebab, I didnt invite them along when madam comes to our discussion room,walhal, they are in the same library too.
girl, it's not that I dont want to invite you, cant you see that the room is too 'big' to have all of you in the same time ?
bilik tu masuk 4 orang pun dah penuh !
ada yang cakap, I penting kan diri sendiri,na pandai sorang2 :'(
manaa adaaaa :'''''( well, if you want to know, I invite madam to come is not a plan, I call her by chance!
and, as if I really selfish, I tak buat kelas tambahan on friday tu tahu :'(
I yang minta madam buat kelas tambahan on friday tu, so that, korunk semua boleh tanya any kecelaruan before sit for the exam.
bukan madam yang tanya i whether kita na buat kelas atau tidak, I yang mintaa :'( i na kita semua jumpa madam for the last time before sit for the paper. get the bless from her, apologizing for any mistakes semua bagai. I try to be a good leader though :'( I'm not neglecting you guys pun :'(
if, I nie selfish, I x buat kelas tambahan tu tahu, I pergi je sorang2 kat bilik madam, belajar dengan madam, ambik semua tips before exam from her, and x spread to all of you :'( tapi, tidak, I buat kelas tambahan tu, I ajak semua datang, maybe madam have tips in answering the question ke kann,,
I tried to be a good leader :') tapi, apa yang I buat, orang salah erti kann :'( as if I selfish, I tak pergi turun naik HEA just to book the class on friday. I book je bilik kat library tu, senang. after the class, I can continue study in the library. tapi takk, I pergi HEA, tanya orang tu if there's any class is free at blok J during 10-12 on friday. sebab apa? sebab I tak na korunk semua jalan jauh dari hostel! blok J paling dekat I guess. padahal HEA tu cakap, blok IST banyak kosong. but i insist to get a class at block J jugak. I x buat kat library sebab, perempuan have to wear baju kurung. I dont want to bother you guys to wear baju kurung when it's just an extra class. I tried to be a good leader though :'(
well, since PRU13 is just around the corner, I'd like to speak about leadership.
It's hard to be a leader actually :(
kalau kau fikir pasal pangkat dan kedudukan, senang.
tapi,
kalau kau fikir pasal tanggungjawab, nescaya kau tak akan sanggup jadi ketua sebenarnya :'(
dalam quran pun dah cakap, seorang ketua nie, sebelah kaki dia dah masuk neraka, kalau dia tidak adil, maka terheretlah sebelah lagi kaki dia ke dalam neraka :'(
and,I try not to be one :'( tapi, since I dah ter jadi, I try to be fair to all :| still, people x puas hati dengan I :'( sedih tahuu :'( dengan klazmate boycott i, roomate pun sama, it's not a good ending of sem 4 actually :'(
cant wait to enter sem 5. new roomates. new spirit. new everything.
I'll be with EC's student next sem :)
trying to be far away from account student. I need to be alone. yes, for the entire sem. isolation suit me the most :') and, I like to be isolated from the people that I know :') sebab, I tak suka apa yang i buat orang lain tahu. I dont like to be in the center. biarlah I yang mengundur diri :'( ahh!buat cerita sedih! tapi, it's true what! pointer I okay when I dont stay with account student. sebab mereka tak kesah apa yang I buat. ini, kalau dengan student account, I bukak buku sikit, mula lah na perli, "ain study" menyampah! weyh, I'm not coming to UiTM to find a husband lahh, I datang uitm sebab na belajar -.-"
atas dasar kesedihan, I went to my senior's room. overnight at her room. tapi dia keluar,hang out with her friend, so, her room is mine ! I like the environment :) silent. away from people. blessed.
trying to forget all the sadness being rejected by my own friends :'(
kamis malam tu, as usual, me and ilaa went to the library. then, mat and faizul came. with shahmi and zarif! masa they enter the room, me and ilaa was like unnerved. weird. x pernah2 seumur hidup i bercakap dengan shahmi and zarif tahu ! that night we studied together! ahh, pengalaman yang sangat aneh sem ini.
pastu, library tutup ( I wish library tu tak tutup sepanjang week exam) so, we went back hostel.
balek2 je, ida terus keluar bilik, ajak tiqah study sama at Ty's room. masa tu, I dont mind, sebab, I tak tahu lagi ida terasa dengan i sebab i tak ajak dia study sama when madam datang libary petang tadi. eyan pun keluar bilik, pergi study di bilik jiran. me, alone in the room. suka. i turn the fan to speed 5, open the window, shut the door, sejuk ! angin luar menyelinap masuk ke dalam bilik (ahh, typical ayat novel) tetiba amy datang, crying like a baby, she said, no one want to help her in account. everybody is like condemning her for not knowing the simplest rule in account. masa tu, I tengah study FRS pulak -.-" ahh, suit time betul la kann, tapi, xpe. selagi I boleh tolong, I tolong yea. so I let her know everything that I know regarding published account :) though I'm not that good in that topic -.-" carrymark pun macam hape je ! pastu, she told me about all the classmate is like avoiding me sebab case x ajak mereka study sama tu lahh! :'( glad to speak to someone. atleast there is someone who know the real situation of me :') yes, someone. cukuplah satu :')

how I wish they know the real story too. tapi xpe laa, I malas, I just want to focus in this last paper which is account. I really hope that I can do the best! tak sabar na habezkan paper akaun and go back to KL. forget everything in jengka. I told amy, since amy is my ex-romate when I was in part 3, amy pernah nampak I jual kupon I, which she tought I dah tak mahu duduk kolej lagi sem4 or I mohon fast track, yes, indeed amy, I memang mohon fast track. sebab tu I have the gut to sell some of my coupon.. glad that I'm not selling them all, sekali fast track xde :| I tell her why I apply the programme is that, I bosan dengan typical people in jengka. I love the enviroment, but not the people. and that makes us cry together. dia dengan masalah dia, I dengan kekecewaan I :'(
sedih kan hidup I sem 4 nie?

dah lah I lose hope gilaa in academic, people surrounding me pulak being like soo not supportive when actually I need them the most :'( sem nie I banyak kol ezaa. I feel like she's the only one who understand me. and, if you scroll to all my entry this sem, banyak yang I write about sadness :( I sesungguhnya tak bahagia sepanjang sem ini :'(
SEMUA SALAH UITM!hahah~ I'm not gonna blame myself for not living my life to the fullest :p
jadi, now, I'm KLian :DDDDD
I want to look for a job :)
insyaAllah :)
cuti ini na relax, kuruskan badan mungkin, cari kerja itu pasti. nampak x berbezaannya?heheh :P
so, till then :)

I TEACH MY FRIEND ACCOUNT ! sila percaya -.-"

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

okay, I still remember when I told pn Wani how dissapoint I'm knowing the abolishment of fast track programme, she said, "mungkin ada perjuangan yang belum selesai, ada yang ain x lepas memberi lagi kat uitm ni" okay, puan :)

yes, indeed, maybe I'm excellent in academic, but, I give less, I didnt help my friend much, I can be considered as, "na berjaya sorang2" I know I'm badd :(

so, this semester,
alhamdullilah, we study together, we help each other in academic, that's what suppose to be right?

and, as for me, the most weirdo things is, I TEACH MY FRIEND ACCOUNT !

*glup*

surely gonna be more to ajaran sesat when I start teaching, especially ACCOUNT -.-"
I usually been tought by others on account based on previous semester's experiance,
but this time around, I'm the teacher, no longer the student -_____-"
and, what you expect when a maths student teaching account?
*hihihihi*gelak jahat~
yes, I create formula to make the statementsss easier :D
my 'student' will know what is a-c2 in finding retained profit and Capital reserve redemption figure,
and, there's alot of other formula tahu :P
then, I dont open T-a/c to find the balancing figure, I create my own formula, which is SOCI+b/d-c/d
okay, those formula is understood by me and my 'student'
there's a situation when mat ask me about the transaction, debit, credit

mat: ain, additional info num 2, kita dr sales, cr debtor and dr cogs, cr inventory ?
and me, making the most blurry face in the world, trying to understand what the heck is dr cr about -.-"
faizul: kau jangan tanya dr cr mat! kan dye ckp dye x tahu dr or cr,
ain: huh!memahami punn,pffftttt~
mat: okay2, kita tambah kat sales, tolak debtor bla bla bla
ain: owhh, yes, betul2,

see? I can understand more when they convert the question to maths language,
yes, maths language yea, not account language -______-"

then, just now, I dont know how to find the net profit before tax when the question gives you the final figure, so I have to work backward, and, I ended up, generating formula, x - bla bla + bla bla = 7600
so find x,
faham takkk betapa wasting time nyaa -___-"
then ila said, ain, if the operation's minus, we add, vice versa..
ain: owh, thanxx ilaaa -.-" otherwise I would bring all the figure into a maths version -__-

huh, inilah akibatnya bila budak maths mengajar account -.-"

so tommorrow is the last day to spend with all the study group account, sebab, my mum cakap, I should spend time on my own to revise alone, because I told my mum that, semalam, I dont have time to study acocunt since they are like asking me non stop, lepas seorang seorang bertanya. so here it is, jumaat I'm gonna spend time to just really focus on me myself :)
ahh, konon hebat akaun sangat sampai jadi kaunter pertanyaan -.-" pffttt~

religion: Rasullulah era or now is better?

bismilahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

I get tired
yes,
tired of arguing thing that are useless to debate on!
i dont usually give up when I have point okay,
but, if I did so, it means that, I cant bare to see you crying like a baby !
if you ever ask my friends,(friend who know me well)
I always have something to turn you down, especially in arguing things.
sebab, for me, it is easy. if you're right, then, we're not into a debate session, cause I simply will vote for you dear, tapi if you're wrong, and the worst is trying to standstil with your point, then, you're a dead meattt!
trust me.
I'm not the type of person who can easily give up okayy,,

what's your view if someone said,
"kan bagus kalau lahir zaman rasullulah"
yes, I have that kind of thought before,
it's gonna be fantastic right?
you have someone who really close to you who can guide you all the way,
have the person who have the answer of all your silly question,
have someone who can you always refer to.
have the role model who you can follow to.
tapiiii,
are you sure you're gonna live in bless, be the one who is selected by Allah to get the hidayah.
look, if you're in that era, your religion is most probably, agama nenek moyang, christian, or jewish.
the religion that you've been followed since your nenek moyang. it's harder for you to simply change your religion when Rasullulah came and introduce you to islam right?
the point is, are you that sure that, you will be the selected person by Allah to join islam?
even now, you're born in Islam pun still not practising the way of life as Muslim,(reminder to myself as well) and, you're hoping that you wanna born in zaman Rasullulah SAW ?
dear, please be a greatful servant.
Allah knows what's the best for us though :)
*please correct me if I'm wrong :) well, that's just my opinion :)

hurmm, basically, that's what we're arguing with, she is still with her point to live in zaman Rasullulah. yes, who doesnt want to live with the most precious person ever right?but the point is will you be the chosen one to be in Islam? :|
then, I stop from arguing more. sebab I know, it's useless to debate with someone who always wanna win :) I've grown up though :P

never a regret

bismilahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :')

I never had a friend who always remind me of Allah :')
ya Allah, please protect them, help them in everything they do :')
knowing them is the best part of my life here :')
I just dont know if I can stand this strong next sem :|
Im gonna miss them badly,,
ya Allah, if only i have a chance to meet them early,,
if only I had a chance to have them longer than this :|
it would be much appreciated :')

first ever senior that i knew in uitm is,
kak nina,
she never allow us to call her akak,
yeah, it's bit annoying at first, dah tua tu x na di panggil akak pulak,
tapi, as the friendship grew stronger,
I can accept the fact that, lahh, tua bbrp bulan je pun, no wonder la she dont want us to call her kakak :P
but, sometimes, I ter panggil dia kakak jugak,
as sense of respect :')
she's awesome!
she would always help me regarding uitm system..
seriously, even I'm asking about silly question!
she would always have the answer,she never fail to reply any of my message :')
she's the one whi introduce eqps to me, how to renew borrowed books from library, PEERS, be my information counter in every semester..seriously, I know nothing about those system if she isnt there to help :')
i can still remember when i ask her, how excel lab test is gonna be, then, she replied,
"nanty dia bg kte soklan, pstu kte jwb laa"
lawakk kann?
then i replied,
"jwpn tu siesly lawakk -.-" mmg la nnty dye bg kte soklan, pstu kte jwb, x perna pulak dye bg jwpn, kte tnye soklan -.-" "
ya Allah, please ease her way :') I'm surely gonna miss her next sem :'(

then, Allah made me to meet this one akak,
kak rahmah :)
ilaa introduce her to me,
we went for usrah,
masa first time jumpa tu, I ask her aloottt of question regarding Islam, yes, like im new sister in islam pulak -.-" tapii, what impres me is, she would always have the answer to get me back to islam..
she made me clear about islam, well, I found the beauty of Islam after meeting her. islam has the answer on every of my silly stupidos questionss :')
the way she talk is just too nice that i melted :*
I would always make myself free whenever she invite me to meet up :')
sebab, she's kinda busy,,so, any of her free time is precious for me.
I have to make myself free even if im busy..
well,she's part6 from science programme..
ive seen how busy science's student are,
they got atleast 9 paper every sem, and, their daily routine is doing lab report that would never finished until they grad :| glad that ive left the science world :)

thenn,
I met kak ayu :')
akak nie lagi buat my heart melt!
the way she talks is just tooo sweettttt!
mula2 tu I was like malas na berkenalan dengan akak baru,
enough of having kak rahmah seorang, I dont need any elses,,
tapi, as time flies, i opened my heart for her, mana tahu, she is as great as kak rahmah,
yess, indeed :')
the way she talks is just too soft and nice..
eventhough we're meeting only a couple of times, tapi, I never regret any of the meetings
she tought me the value of life :') never underestimes people :')
i can still remember the night before muet, I met her. for the first time.officially :')
I was too stress of all the problems,and, what a relief feeling after meeting her :*
we talked about many things :')
precious~

andd,lastly, the most important person that i would never ever regret of knowing her is,
EZAA :')
i've never got a friend who as concern as you!
ahh kau ezaa!dont be that nice to me lahh!
it made me crying even worst!
i just cant forget how we used to spend time together back in mrsm langkawee :')
i can still remember,u helped me searching for my slipper, while i just sit there and cry like a lil kid losing her mom at the mall :'D
ingat lagi, when i was too lazy to climb the stairs at night that i spent the whole night at your room..
and you would always welcomed me :')
i can still remember, you saw a mole on my tapak kaki,and what a suprise that you got it one too..cuma, i kat tapak kaki kanan, you kat tapak kaki kiri, at the same spot! well, i guess, that made us complete :P hahah, gayy -.-"
eh, whenever i stare at my tapak kaki, seeing the tahi lalat, it would automatically remind me of you :)
hahah!pandang tapak kaki teringat ezaa -,-"
ingat lagi when we used to go to dewan selera late whenever they are serving nasi lemak..sebab hoping that we can get extra nasi lemak!hahah,,ahh yes!you dont eat mee goreng!pernah muntah beriya sebab i paksa u try to eat mee -.-" still rasa bersalah nie -____-"
ahhh ! i miss you lahh !hurmm~

ya Allah, please protect them from any harm..make ease of their way.. may our friendship till jannah :')
#ehh, konon tak na online dahh, nak final konon, tapi, keep updating entry jugak~well, gen y can hardly apart from internet -.-" cant deny it~

final battle

bismilahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :')

i have nothing to update,
final is just around the corner,
and, I haven't start studying. yet.
ive made the timetable, so it will be more organised. tapi!
i just dont know why, the spirit to start open the booksss havent arived yet :(
*maybe the flight delayed due to storm in US*
erm erm,
tetibe this words cross my mind,
"afraid of losing someone when he's not even yours"
what a pathetic feeling :|
lahaii, I CAN STAND ON MY OWN LAHH!
pfffffttt~

*take a deep breath*

okay, tadi kann, tadi, just now, this noon,
my key was left in the locker, and, I accidently, had locked the locker, without even realise that the keys is in the locker. and, I'm sooo brilliant to the max which i put the spare key IN THE LOCKER!
yess, I know I'm soooo intelligent~ please be jelly -___________-
dah laa I put all my stuff in the locker!I cannot do any of my routine today as everything that i need is in there :(
then, I search for any keys that might be suit to my key that it can open the lock, tapi, semua hampa..
I was just thinking of, if only I have a hammer :') everything would be easier,,
na pecah kan pintu locker pun i tak mampu :'(
kalau lahh abah was there :') mesti solved,,
then, I terpaksa laa, went down to UPK and make a report. so that, abg mantenance would come and be the savior :D hukhuk~
ahh!dasar perempuan lemahh~hurmm,,
i tak tahu lah kenapa kann,
this sem, I really relies on others, I dont as independent as before :(
the level of laziness is like overwhelming my body!
and the worst is, I can smell that my pointer could probably decline :|
that day, I called eza, I was just too stress..
speaking about hope,destiny and faith
I simply lost each of them.
terukk kann?
dah laa,
I dont want to even think of it again :')
Allah made it this way cik ct! you have to be patient! remember, pintu rezeki Allah tu luas!
hurmm,
hoping for the best this sem :')
as I went to the library, I can see that there's alot of students who has start revising :\
and, the question is, when I can be one?
the situation is totally different this sem, kalau sem lepas tu, I was too excited to really work hard so that I can pass with flying colours. and, I will entitle to get the fast track,, my self motivation is too high that I can cope with all the shitty surroundings. because I know, I wont be facing it in the future. I wont be in Jengka dahh, you may do everything. It wont bring me down. I dont even care of any miserable things that happen around me. sebab my focus is just one. I want to get an excelent result, and leave jengka for fast track! tapii, as you know, from my previous post. I was crying like an insane that UITM had abolished the right to pursue fast track. and, as the result, I HAVE to face all the bullshitness for the rest of 3 semesters!
I dont know how to stand in this hell anymore when the only reason for me of staying here had lost..
I lose the HOPE..
it is sad to know that, all your hardship are worthless. so, here I'm..
sitting here, on my bed, typing this entry, wasting her time, and havent start studying for finals!
ya Allah,,I'm really afraid this attitude will bring me down :|
ahh!I'm just being too paranoid !
erm, susah jugak kalau ada mindset yg sangat firm nie kann?
I need someone to wake me up!
ahh, see?"I need someone" again, she's not independent as before..
owh tidak2!
I DONT NEED ANYONE AS LONG AS I HAVE ALLAH!
I CAN STAND ON MY OWN!
I CAN FLY WITOUT YOU LAHH!
all i need is to live my life (eza,2013)

yeahh!attention attention!
please make a way!
this cik ct has waken up!
she's all ready to burn the laziness and start move her ass to fight in the war!
lets the battle begin!
to the victory here we goo!
I study for my religion, my race and my pride!

accountant muslimah here we go!
may Allah bless me, insyaAllah :')
eh, ingat tauu, Allah sngt sweet to me :*

*this might be the last entry for me (as soon as the finals end, I will start posting again insyaAllah)
pray for me yeahh! May Allah help me in this journey towards victory.


nahh, last word,

smart people dont push themselves to study,
they have strategies !

another leaver :')

i takk boleh :'(
i just cant :'(
i just cant see those pictures of you guys, flying to overseas..
it burst the tears :'(
i wish im the one :'(
ya Allah, make me strong enough to stand the pain,,
please make firm of my heart that this is the best way for me :') insyaAllah :")

*NAI*

 

*sarah*

GOODLUCK kalian :')
have a safe journey
may Allah protect and bless you guys..
grabb all the chances in Japan!
i remember NAI once said to me,
"life is about, once you get a chance, grab it!"
i miss you NAI :')

mom, study week, him

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

alhamdullilah :) it's friday :)
I'm still alive :)

okay, i dont have any idea to write,erm, lets see what interest you the most, ermm,
guys?mom?STUDY WEEK?
okay, lets start with mom,
heheh,
I dont know how my life gonna be if ever god take her :')
she's like my diary bergerak :')
always there to hear the problems, sharing gossips, giving advise infact being my consultant in every thing i did :')
ya Allah, you may take everything from me, but not her :') my life gonna be misrable without her. love her the way she loves me from the day i were born till today :')

then, study week starts today!
hurm, feeling nervous!
well, we only have 4 finals paper!
account, computerised account, cost accounting and economics,
seen it?
3 account related paper -_____-"
im gonna be dead meat :s
paling cuak of course, FAR 250!
i wise friend said to me,
kalau dulu kau x score account paper, you may say i didnt have account basic back in spm, but now,
since we're learning new account sylibus, which spm student didnt learn as well, kalau kau x score jugak, dont blame for the basics, kau tu yang memang x pandai akaun actually!erk~
okay, indeed~
so, i have to really struggle!seriously i cuak, mentor and sifu cant help much since sifu said, he's totally lost in this semester, he cant catch up in every subjects too. mentor pulak, "ty  pun macam blur2 far kali nie, i cant help you since i cant help myself neither" :'(
okayy, the moment when even the top scorer cant understand the subject -___-"
sigh~
dear cik ct!wake up wake up!you have to help yourself!dont depend on others~
okay, too bad to mention, sem ini i banyak depend on others. i just dont know why :'(
im no more independent cik ct :(
hurmm...
eh, boringg right??lets jump to more interesting gossips!heheh,,
eh, before that, NAI and sara are flying to japan today :'( good luck and have a safe journey :')
*wondering when do my time comes*

next gossip,
entahla, i think i've moved onnn :)
i think im wayyy too good to fit you!ahahah~
what makes you guys different is, you're too social. i cant stand with you, ingat takk dulu i once compare the two of you,,not much differences, both brilliant, have vision and superb. tapi what makes you lil bit behind is that, dia got religion :) eh, bukan na cakap u tak ada agama, tapi, your way of life is like bit far from islam. itu makes me look up at dia. yes, dia. no more you :') but, whatever it is, im still glad to know you :) you're so much things i ever had. and i never regret those precious moment being with you :) it is just that, let us remain friend forever :')
ya Allah, perhaps, i can forget him is because of dia.glupp~
i know You are the best planner, but if I have the right to choose, I would like to have him ya Allah :')
please make my wish come true :* eh~
kbai~

I got nothing to be jealous of

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

sometimes, it's hard to live in the most humble way.
I tried to be one, i would possibly avoid showing off any good deed that i did.
hurmm, it's hard to live in the center of popularity
people would always look at you,
they would judge any of your doings, especially if you've done something bad..
and, it's too bad, if they still holding on your bad attitude, even if you've changed :(

okay, tak tak, that's not the point..
actually,
I could smell something fishy,eh sala, i can feel that she's jealous of me.
well, girl, i'm nothing to be jealous of!
dont treat me that way, Its making me worst. i dont want to be labeled as riak infront of Allah :(
ya Allah, please protect me from feeling riak :(
hurmm,

one day,
a lecturer call me, and, I never neglect any incoming calls, sebab, that call might be important for the caller. atleast, if I really dont have a chance to answer that call, I would try to leave a message stating that, I cant answer the call cuz I'm class, or what..

okay, erm,
masa tu, our club advisor call me, asking about peer andd, informing about the claim has been approved sebagai,
and, one of my friend nie heard the conversation between me and madam,
then, x semena2, as soon as I ended the call, she ask me,
"madam kol ke?"
"yes, asking bout ***" then, 5 min later, she ask me again,
"when did you receive the call?"
"huh?just now ?"
"yeah, when is the exact time?"
"i dont know,basically, around 5 min before,"
"lahh, cant you just look at the time when you receive the call?"
"lahh?for what?erm, 3.30"
"owh, no wonder, madam call me first, but i didnt answer it cuz my phone was on silent, that's why she call you"
and, I was like, huhhh???
babe, what's the point???I dont get it -______-" kau na ckp, kau lagi penting that madam kol you first ke apa?
seriously,i dont get it -_______________________-"

then, tadi, I was asking my classmate when will be maf's test sebagai, while holding my phone, as if someone is asking me thru the phone, and, I need to get the answer as soon as possible.
pastu, out of a sudden, yan said,
"ain, nak jugak"
"what?"
"the message that you sent to zaty tu"
"huh?ain tanya cuz, i want to set in my reminder laa"
"lahh, she said, that you're informing zaty about the test"
nampak takk?
she always judge me on everything i do, she loves to create her own assumption towards me :'(
babe, what's your problem huh? assumption yang kau buat tu macam kau jeles dengan ain je, why not kau ask myself about what I;m doing rather than making speculation on me !
and, as if yea pun i text zaty telling her about the test, kau peduli apa?
your attitude make me thinks that,
kau jeles,and always na compare diri kau dengan ain, right?
you always wonder what am i doing.
busybody~
well, correct me if im wrong :s

and, ary tu ada la jugak,
I just got back from kononnya la studying,
tak semena2, she told my fried as soon as they saw me,
"ain study pun na bawak beg"
okay, during that moment,
i didnt tell anybody where im from, it's like, I've been missing from early in the morning, wearing a pyjama, with my beg.
the truth is, yes, i pergi study(lah konon) tapii,
tak perlu kowt kau na mention kat semua orang yang ain baru balek study!
kau ad prove ke na tuduh ain study huh? <-- huh, weird, I get angry when people accused me of doing good deed.
like seriously, i hate it when people know what i'm doing!
kau tak ya na busybody boleh?????
kalau tahu tu, senyap2 je, dont let others know !
and, apa point kau ckp "ain study pun na bwk beg"
what's the point???
dah kalau na study mesti la bawak beg kann?
hello, my beg is like poket doraemon okayy!
it contains everything that i need,
infact pergi mana2 pun, i will always bring my beg,
dalam tu ada segala macam, calculator, pencil case, diary, mineral water, mp3, purse, specs, semuaa laa! I cant simply left any of them!

haihh, stress duduk dengan orang macam ni :s

bleak

bismilahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

second post of the day,
erm, ive got back my computer test result :'(
need to really work out this time,
I've been playing too much lately,
leisure time is off! starts now cik ct!
that's must be the reminder from Allah!
you've gone too far from Him, hurmm..

semua kuiz test, are badd,
dah, i tak na main2 lagi~
enough cik ct!
hurmm~
stress,
to think of it,
I made it that way,,
I'm the one who's responsible for the result~
as for costing paper,
i just dont know why, I cant go on with calculation and theory part at one time..
the tendancy for me to just focus on calculation is too high, and I might neglect the theory part,
dah 2 paper theory part meng drag the whole paper to get lower mark :'(
account and costing :'(
I wish there is no theory part for the paper that I love
I dont have any back up now,
just imagine, okay, I got alhamdulillah result all this while, isnt because of account paper.
pointer i naik sebab i ada back up paper laen, I score at other than account paper.
tapi, as for this sem, 3 papers are account-related subject, while we dont have final exam for english, and, eco is quite tough,,I dont know where else to get back up :'(
ya Allah, please guide me all thru these hardship :'(
kalau dulu, I have such a high self-motivation, I wanna pursue fast track,,
I wanna fly to aussie, to be with him.
I can actually differentiate those bullshit and crappy things.
I can stand on my own though~
tapi, sekarang, all the hopes are gone :'"(
I lost fast track, I lost him, I lost my bestfriend, I can feel that I;ve lost everything :'(
and, I;m just a weak servant of Him :'(

people can live about 40 days without food,
5 days without water,
but just 1 second without hope :'(
and yet, I've lost my hope :'(

I need  my strength back! I need my hope back! please dont take it from me,yes, I'm begging you :'(

O Allah, I believe in your words, You wont test me over my ability. yes, I know I able to handle this, but, I wont be able to get over the stressness alone, I need your guidance, may every decision comes with your bless :')

stay away

bismillahirahmanirahim and assalamualaikum :)

hello everybodyyy :)
i've gone thru hard time these days..
I dont know why, this place doesnt suit me, I wish I can take a break and jump to another new diffrent world.
I'm getting sick of these bullshitness everyday.
i just couldnt stand it anymore :'(
i wont mind if you wanna make friend with my bestfriend,,
everybody deserve to make friend with anyone they wish to be friend with,
it is just that, you've taken the whole her! sometimes i feel so regret for introducing her to you :(
yes, it's my badd, hurmm~
ermm, i dont know, maybe it's just me who being so problematic :s
ahhhhh!
lagi na cakap is,
what will you feel if,
you tell your friend about your crush, and then, few days later, you saw your friend with your crush, erm, basically, not dating, but they kinda beramah mesra together. ain menyesal sangat bagi tahu pasal dia kat you :'(
this is not the first when i feel like a dumb by you. i serik. i tak na kawan dengan you lagi~
i dont want to even come near to you!ahh!yes, you may take everything from me, take my bestfriend, take my crush,infact, take everything from me!it wont make me weak.
what doesnt kill you makes you stronger,
stand a little taller,
doesnt mean im lonely when im alone~
yes, i believe in those word :')
thanx for making me knowing you well
i've known you real well !